Ever had one of those days when.....

Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like your eyes are glued shut. No matter how hard you try, you can't hold them open and keep falling back to sleep? That's me this morning. But, it's Saturday so I really don't care. I pledged to myself to get my laundry caught up and here I am sitting here at the PC doing this. I stayed up late doing absolutely nothing but watching the flames in my fireplace until the wee hours, then suffered an attack of insomnia when I finally turned in.
I have had lots of stress this week. Maybe that's the problem. One of my coworkers got fired on Tuesday. This is almost unheard of in a school system, and I am wondering just what the problem was. The rumor mill around the school is nill. No one is commenting one way or another. I talked to her after it happened, and she was still unclear just what their justification was. Maybe it was something personal and she just didn't want to share it. We had a close working relationship, but not a personal one to speak of. She had been with the system for a long time, as have I, so I am wondering if I am next. Maybe they see it as a way to cut down costs. Other aides there have not been there as long and don't have the pay grade that we do. I guess time will tell.
Another thing bugging me and adding undue stress is my lack of interest in anything going on around me. I have a real "I don't give a s**t" attitude right now. I haven't sang with the choir for a while now, and I miss that, but when it come time to practice on Wednesday night, I would rather sit at home and gaze at the fire. Maybe it's the biting cold that had just reached inside me and turned me inside out. What ever it is, I don't like it. I am not happy with myself and this funk. I have gained about 10 pounds back of the 30 or so that I lost and I am not happy about that either. My life sucks right now. Really, I don't even have a life per se, and that's no one's fault but my own. I am really feeling the loss of my life's partner and I miss her a lot. That's probably at the root of what is going on in my head. I hope that when the weather gets warmer, and I can get out of the house more comfortably, that this attitude will improve. Until then, I guess I will continue to muddle on. It's still better than the alternative.
Boo Sob!
Peace,
JE

What I Read #7

Hollywood Moon by Joseph Wambaugh is good. Not wonderful, but a really good read. Although I thought about 3/4 of the way through that I had read the same stuff over and over. So I did something I NEVER (well almost never) do and skipped about 30 pages and read the last few chapters. You know what? I could still pick up the thread of the plot and missed some mundane parts that were not too important. I enjoyed this book but was glad I hadn't spent my money on it. Thank the literary gods for libraries.
Happy reading,
JE

What I Read #6

Loitering With Intent by Stuart Woods is another great read by Woods. Stone Barrington is his usual rich self basking in the good life even on a serious case. Key West, FL is the setting of this well written novel. The only drawback to this and all of Woods' works is his "author's note" at the end of the novel. Where most writers us this space to thank readers as well as editors, etc., Woods uses it to tell his readers what/what not to e-mail him and what he will and will not answer. It's an insult to his readers. This guy must have an ego the size of NYC. It's almost enough to make me not read his works. Almost, but not quite. Since Stone is one of my favorite characters, I will continue to read. But I won't buy them any longer, just check out from my local library.
Happy reading,
JE

What I Read #5

Drawn In Blood by Andrea Kane is a chilling thriller. Asian mafia, Albanian mafia, and the art world all clash in this suspense filled read. I highly recommend it to all who like a real page-turner.
Read on, folks!
JE

Good News!

On a brighter note. The latest ultrasound report from my daughter-in-law confirms my suspicion. My new upcoming grandbaby is going to be a BOY! Now the big question is...what to name him. They liked Liam for a long time and now they aren't sure. I am going to call him Liam even if they don't. Because I like it.
Another grandson. Wonders never cease!
Peace
JE

G'bye, ol' Friend

Today I buried a dear friend. This was a "forever" friend. We had known each other since my time began on this earth. Her dad and mine were high school pals who remained best friends all their lives. Therefore, Jan and her sister and my brother and I were raised together. What a quartet we made! Lots of fun growing up. Lots of sorrows, too. When Jan's sister was 14, she died of nephritis. This was the first close friend I had lost. I was 13.
As we all became adults, we grew closer. I thrilled over the birth of Jan's children, as she did mine. Although we didn't see each other all the time anymore, we kept in close touch. I sympathized with her over her divorce, and she was there for me when my wife died. Now she is gone. Taken too early, and leaving behind three wonderful children and lots of grandkids. Her funeral today was the kind of funeral everyone should have in my opinion. Jan's grandson spoke on behalf of all the grands. He talked about all the fond memories they would keep in their hearts about their grandmother. He struggled, his mom handed him tissues, but he did a fine job. The pastor read some scriptures, then he read some letters that Jan's second graders had written to her while she was in the hospital. Out of the hearts of children come truth and sincerity. We all knew what a wonderful person Jan was after hearing these messages from the heart.
After listening to Mercy Me sing "I Can Only Imagine" and Alan Jackson and Dolly Parton's "When I Get Where I'm Going," I came away knowing that my friend is resting comfortably now. I can only say, with a heavy heart, g'bye ol' friend. I will miss you!
Peace,
JE

I Feel Yucky!

I stayed home today with the yucks. I have a headache, feel achy all over and my stomach is roiling and is very unhappy. Sitting here at my PC and trying to look at the screen even hurts my eyes. Oh, to heck with it! I'm going back to bed. More when I feel better.
Yuk!
JE

What I Read #4

This book is one of the best political thrillers I have ever read. It's really two stories in one. Elise and Scot are the two main characters, but have nothing to do with each other. The way Brad Thor wove these two stories together and made it work definitely shows his talent as a writer. I am anxious to read some of his other work. This is the first of his that I have read. How have I missed him on the library shelf? Read this one!
Peace and happy reading,
JE

What I Read #3

Mixed Blood by Roger Smith. Takes place in Cape Town, South Africa. Crooked cops, hookers, bank robbers, druggies, and gangbangers. Their all there in one of the crudest, rawest reads I've have the misfortune of reading. I only kept reading to see the "fat" bogus bloodthirsty hedonistic cop (who was a total looser and asshat,) get his in the end. I won't be reading this author's next work, however. Too raunchy for me, and I thought I could read about anything!
Peace,
JE

What???

What? Where did this come from? I bought a new sportcoat yesterday. Professor called it "dapper." Said, and I quote,"You will look quite dapper!" Now I've been called a lot of things, but dapper? I think Rhett Butler was dapper. Charlie Chaplin was dapper. Boy, do I now feel OLD!
Remaining "dapper"
JE

What I read #2

This was a fantastic read. I had never read this author before. As a matter of fact, Professor brought this home to me on the off-chance that I would like it. I liked it so much that I googled the author to see when his next book would be out. Unfortunately, I found out that he passed away in July, 2009, of leukemia. How sad for his family and sad for his readers. I know he has written a plethora of other books, but I don't want to read them if they would leave me hanging like this one did, and no way to finish the "story." Guess I will have to read something else. Bummer!
Peace,
JE

What I Read #1

Instead of keeping a list of all my books that I read in 2010, I am just going to do a post about each one as I go along. I will keep them numbered and I even might include a short revue of one if it really is a good one. So keep watching. I'm out to best my record from last year! This is #1 on the list fro 2010. Good read if you are interested in Native Americans and their folklore.
Peace,
JE

Facelift!

I have a new template. It's called vintage paper! I think it's very appropriate since I am vintage! But like good wine, maybe I'll improve with age. Anyhow, I think it's cool. Thank you Professor for uploading (or downloading) it for me. Enjoy!
Peace,
JE

It is well with my soul.

It's the new year. 2009 came and went. It brought changes in my life. It brought losses, and it also brought the promise of new life.
I have had the privilege of getting to know my daughter all over again. I have gotten to know my grandson better. I have learned a lot more about what makes them both "tick," and am proud of what I have learned. I have watched my son be successful while pursuing his college education. I have watched both he and my daughter-in-law become fabulous parents. It's fun watching them with the Divine Miss K, and knowing she is in such good hands.
Loss in my life this year was met with some trepidation. The loss of both my in-laws ended an era. I faced their loss as matter-of-factually as possible, yet knowing that there was very little love lost on either side. For me, saying "goodbye" to them was done with sort of a sign of relief. No longer was I under their magnifying glass.
The promise of new life came with the news of preparation for another grandchild, due to arrive to my son and family in early June. There is something about the circle of life being completed which brings contentment to me.
I feel promise in the air. Promise of good things happening to my family and I. I know that Professor will find the right job this year, Kiddo will go on to his senior year of high school with high marks, my son will graduate with his degree in criminal justice, and I will be able to retire at long last.
All of these things make me feel content. At peace within myself and reminds me again of the words to my favorite hymn, "It is Well With my Soul.
Peace,
JE

Merry Christmas!

Well, we had our Christmas yesterday on Christmas eve. We all met at a nearby Bob
Evans restaurant for brunch, then back to my house for gift giving. It was so much fun. It was wonderful having my kids and grands at the house. Everyone was in a festive mood and enjoyed the afternoon. Little Miss K, enjoyed sitting in the empty boxes, chewing on the wrapping,(she's cutting 4 or 5 new teeth right now) and yanking the ornaments off my tree. When I decorated the tree, I prepared for that moment by hanging all the breakables up high out of her reach.
It was a blast watching grandson Kiddo opening his gifts. His 16+ year old enthusiasm was catching and I laughed until I cried. He was so excited with everything he got. Even his boxers. The rest of us remained sedate...NOT! We oohed and aaahed all over the place and had a great time.
Today, my son is working at his job, and Sistah and Miss K are spending it with her family. Prof, Kiddo, XRaygirl and I are going to see a movie late this afternoon. Hoping to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie.
I had the wonderful experience of singing at my church's Christmas Eve service last night. I sang a solo as well as with the choir. It was a service filled only with Christmas music and scripture. Before we went in to sing, my friend and fellow choir member Gary offered a prayer for us. In it he asked for safety for our troops, food for the hungry, and for all of us to stop and reflect on how lucky we are that we are free and able to gather to worship in the manner of our choice. This gave me lots of food for thought. I have a dear friend who is in Iraq right now, I have students that I know don't have enough to eat most days, and I sometimes take my freedom of religion for granted. Gary brought all of this home to me last night. I am making a promise to myself to be more thoughtful about these things, and am looking forward to the day when we just might have peace throughout the world.
I give thanks daily for my family, and my friends. I am grateful for even the right to be able to write my feelings in this blog. Have you ever thought about how lucky we are to have the freedom of speech?
Christmas is a time for reflection, so take time to look back, and be thankful!

Peace
JE

Fa la la la, la la la la

My halls are all decked, the presents are wrapped, and I am ready. I am actually looking forward to Christmas this year. I just looked at the Christmas tree in my living room and decided that either Santa snagged his bag, or he got tired and said, " to hell with everyone else, I'm tired. I'll just leave the rest of these gifts for these nice people."
I am excited to see my Texas relatives. They are coming for a visit between Christmas and New Years. I will have to throw another log on the fire for them. They aren't used to this cold weather.
Merry Christmas to all. Have a blessed one. And remember, Jesus is the reason for the season!
JE

The Pits

Okay, time to spout off about work. Really, I like my job very much. BUT, last Monday when I went into work, the head of my department decided to change my schedule. This had nothing to do with my performance or anything I had or had not done. One of the gals in my department suffered a mild heart attack recently, and has come back to work. She needed a less stressful schedule, so they rearranged some of the rest of us to accommodate her. That is fine. But, the clincher is that though Math and Science is not my strong suit, I am now in 3 science classes daily. Fortunately, one of them is quite small, and not much is required of my services, so I sort of walk the room and help keep order. I was taken out of both my English classes, which is my major and strongest area of expertise. I also was assigned another "study hall" which now gives me two. Ugh!
I am truly grateful to have a job in this school system. The admin. is fantastic, and the teachers I work with are wonderful, and also a lot of fun to be with. It's just that I am getting old, and I don't adapt to change very well. I am sure that this will work out fine, but after the first week, I can truly say that I am beat. I feel like I am out of my element. I don't know sick-um about covalent bonding of atoms, and I was trying to read and explain it to a student in study hall last period. I finally admitted to her that she would just have to see her science teacher. Fortunately, she took it good naturedly, and didn't guffaw at me.
Just another reason why that counter on my blog is getting closer to retirement and I am getting more excited as the days pass. Come on June 3, 2010!

Peace,
JE

Ramblings

There are many things I have learned in the past two years since my wife died. I think I have mentioned some of them before. Like learning which bills are due, when and how to cook and clean, and do the dreaded laundry.
Well, there are many other things I have learned, too. I have learned that life does go on. For other people in my life, it seems like their lives have returned to normal. My friends have quit asking me how I am doing. They have also quit asking me to do things with them. Maybe it's that "third wheel" thing. Maybe it's a drag to always have that third party along without a partner to fill the forth empty chair.
Oh, I have friends, especially Curley, who has remained close and calls and we do things together. I thank the good Lord each day for her friendship. I also am thankful that my daughter, Professor, is here. Having her here has kept me on track, has helped me eat better and of course has helped with the loneliness. I can honestly say that I do miss the peace and quiet that I had grown used to, but I'm sure she does too. I know she is looking forward to finding a job and again having a place of her own. She will probably heave a sign of relief when the time comes that she doesn't have to listen to my ramblings and put up with my idiosyncrasies.
My Ohio friends keep in touch also, and we talk often via phone or e mail as do my brother and sister-in-law in Texas.

I'm not too sure what to say about my relationship with my son and his family at this time. Upon the death of my in-laws last month, my son inherited their entire estate. I have no idea about the monetary value of said estate, but I do know that the house he inherited is worth several thousand in itself. I also know that Prof didn't inherit a thing. Grandparents M seemed to think they could judge her and teach her a "life lesson" by disowning her. The had no idea what unconditional love was, either with their own daughter or their granddaughter. Evidently they also convinced my son of that, too. It is my hope that when the estate is settled, he will do the right thing by his sister. I am trying to remain neutral, but it is hard when I see the hurt it is causing between my children. My mother-in-law was a selfish old lady (she was selfish when she was young, too) and is still causing family trouble from the grave. This I CANNOT forgive.

Next, I miss my wife. I know that everything people say and everything you read says that with time, it gets easier. And they are right. It is easier that it was the first few months. But I still miss her. I miss finding her sitting here waiting for me to come home. I miss her fragrance that she always wore, and yes, I still even miss her nagging me about stuff. There are times during the day when I think of things I want to tell her when I get home, or a question I want to ask her. Not possible. I find I resent her, too. I am still pissed that she died and left me facing life without her. We had had some financial setbacks which she knew about, and left me alone to dig myself out from under them. She had run our finances for several years, and not successfully and I resent that I have virtually no retirement funds left. I will be able to eke by, but life could be a strain when I retire if I am not really frugal. So there are the good things and the bad, but at the end of the day, I would much rather still have her here; the good outweigh the bad 100%. And she would know the right things to say and do to keep our kids in line. I just don't have the knack or the energy.
I have learned that I am allowed to say "no" to things I don't want to do. Even if they seem important at the time, I can just say I don't want to do it, and not feel overwhelming guilt, like I used to. I like that about myself. I can stand on my own two feet. I am doing it every day and it's making me feel good about myself. I can do this!!!
I guess this has turned into a whine-fest. But sometimes writing it all down and venting helps put things in perspective.
Peace
JE

The End of an Era

Yesterday we buried both of my in laws. Yes, I said both. My mother-in-law died last Tuesday from multiple illnesses, but finally was taken by a heart attack. My father-in-law, who has been at death's door for years, died in a skilled care facility on Sunday, while the family was having "calling" at the funeral home for mother in law. This caused some hustling about on the part of the funeral home staff, but they were able to prepare my father in law and move the funeral time ahead four hours in order to have a double funeral. I am amazed at how organized this particular funeral home is. They have an adequate staff, but operate homes in three different towns in the county. They were amazing.

The pastor who did the service was able to change his message to accomodate both people, and he did a wonderful job. The fact that he had been their minister for years and knew them both very well was a blessing to both him and us as a family.

I have mixed emotions about their passing. They were two people who saw everything in either black or white. For them, there was no gray area. It seemed that my wife (their daughter) and I lived mostly in their gray area. Obviously, it caused for strained relationships some or most of the time, but I still could name many good times we had with them. I can also think of good things to say about each of them. It is time to bury the bad and get on with remembering the good, though sometimes it is hard. There was so much hurt associated with my wife's death that it has been hard for me to get past it. Now I must.
My mother-in-law was a perfectionist. I remember when my fiance and she were planning our wedding in 1969, that we teased her about having permanent indentions under her arm from carrying Amy Vanderbilt's Wedding Ettiquette book under her arm for months. But, in reality, it paid off,for we had a "storybook" wedding by those days standards. Mother M was also a wonderful cook. I can think of none who would come close to comparing, and she taught her daughter well. That's why I was 90 pounds heavier in 2007 when my wife died than I was when we married 38 years earlier. I can think of nothing that Mother M made that I didn't like. Her chicken and dumplings were wonderful, and she always make a vast array of delicate pastries at holiday time.
On the other hand, she was a control freak. She thought she was always right and never could see the other side of an argument. She always offered an opinion, whether solicited or not, hidden in the guise of "saying how she felt." This was the most maddening thing and probably caused the most hard feelings of any other thing in our marriage.
Father M. was a quiet guy. He was an extremely talented woodworker, and carpenter. There wasn't anything he couldn't make out of wood. He made a cradle for our babies that was nicer than anything you could ever buy. He made tables and chairs, and cabinets for their kitchen. Their home was sight to behold with all the hand made woodwork and trims. He went about his life quietly. My wife said that he never got a chance to speak, and she was probably correct. She used to enjoy calling him when she knew her mom would be gone. They would talk for hours. He was also a great gardener. His yard, in his years of good health was a sight to behold. Even when he didn't feel well, he loved to putter in his yard. He was also one of the most stubborn men I have known. Once he set his mind to something, nothing could change it. This too caused some problems for us, especially when it came to dealing with our children.
These were two people who never learned what unconditional love meant. There were always strings with every gift, and even with their love. They could never accept us for who we were, and that maybe we didn't fit into their "ideal mold." We suffered for that. My children suffered for that.
So, this all being said, I must admit that burying them left me with some bittersweet memories. Yes, they were a part of my life for almost 40 years, and there are some feelings there. Even though our relationship has been strained since my wife's death, they were a tie to that part of my life. That tie is now severed. Today, I'm not sure just how I feel about that. Sad? Relief? Resentful? Maybe a little of each.

Peace,
JE

Three cheers for my Grandson

My grandson got his driver's license today. I am so proud of him. Now he wants to get a job so he can have gas money. My they grow up in a hurry!

Being a grandfather is so cool!

JE

News Flash!

Just found out the other day that the Divine Miss K is going to have a brother or sister in the Spring! Ain't that a hoot! Love them grandkids!

Peace,
JE

What I've Read...2009

Not to be bragging, but I love to read. I don't intend to review books that I have read, I am just listing them, and I might comment about some of them.

1. Lie Down With the Devil: Linda Barnes
2. The Husband: Dean Koontz
3. Stargirl: Jerry Spinelli
4. The First Patient: Michael Palmer
5. Vanishing Point: Marcia Muller
6. The Outlander: Gil Adamson (don't waste your time)
7. Playing for Pizza: John Grisham
8. Run For Your Life: James Patterson
9. Monkey Island: Paula Fox (I read for school)
10. Judge and Jury: James Patterson
11. Cross Country: James Patterson
12. The Legal Limit: Michael Clark
13. The Quilter's Apprentice: Jennifer Chiawernini
14. Divine Justice: David Balducci
15. The Associate: John Grisham
16. Hold Tight: Harlan Coben (greatest author I've read for a while)
17. Extreme Measures: Vince Flynn
18. The Last American Man: Elizabeth Gilbert (true story, he was an ass)
19. The Woods: Harlan Coben
20. Stormy Weather: Carl Hiassen
21. The 8th Confession: James Patterson
22. The Innocent: Harlan Coben
23. The Pearl: John Steinbeck (I read this for school)
24. Tell No One: Harlan Coben
25. Water For Elephants: Sarah Gruen (wonderful read)
26. On The Inside: Ted Wood
27. The Divide: Nicholas Evans
28. Promise Me :Harlan Coben
29. Gone For Good: Harlan Coben
30. No Second Chance: HarlanCoben
31. Tailspin: Catherine Coulter
32. The Watchmen: Robert Crais
33. Once Were Cops: Ken Bruen (Weird; waste of time)
34. Chasing Darkness: Robert Crais
35. The Summer I Dared: Barbara Delinsky
36. Gone Tomorrow: Lee Childs
37. Hostage: Robert Crais
38. Darkest Fear: Harlan Coben
39. Indigo Slam: Robert Crais
40. Three Weeks in Paris: Barbara Taylor Bradford
41. The Secret Between Us: Barbara Delinsky
42. Trigger City: Sean Chercover
43: Imposter: Davis Brunn
44. The Appeal: John Grisham
45. Voodoo River: Robert Crais
46. Perfect Evil: Alex Kava
47. The Final Detail: Harlan Coben
48. Necessary Evil: Alex Kava
49. Knock Out: Catherine Coulter
50. At the Stroke of Madness: Alex Kava
51: Pictures of Hollis Woods: Patricia Reilly Giff
52. Blizzard's Wake: Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
53. There's A (Slight) Chance I'm Going to Hell! : Laurie Notaro
54: Swimsuit: James Patterson
55. Vanished: Joseph Finder
56. The Slow Way Home: Michael Morris
57. First Family: David Baldacci
58. Scarcrow: Michael Connelly (OMG! Ya gotta read this one.)
59. Panic Attack: Jason Starr (Not bad, but shallow characters and crude.)
60. Fugitive: Phillip Margolin (another great read)
61. Medicine Road: Will Henry (old western at it's best)
62.Lost Lake: Phillip Margolin
63. The Lucky One: Nicolas Sparks (great read, not sad for a change)
64. Proof Positive: Phillip Margolin
65. Fire and Ice: J.A. Jance
66. Revolution No. 9: Neil McMahon (Excellent!)
67. The Burning Man: Phillip Margolin (Good read.)
68. A Bend in the Road: Nicholas Sparks (Typical good Sparks work)
69. Justice Denied: J.A. Jance(Excellent read.)
70. Cruel Intent: J.A. Jance (Another good read by J.A.)
71. The Midnight Club: James Patterson (written in 1989! How did is miss it?)
72. American Outrage: Tim Green (OMG! I could hardly put it down.)
73. I, Alex Cross: James Patterson (read in 1 day, if that tells you how good it is!)
74. The Choice: Nicholas Sparks
75. Hard Target: Alan Jacobson
76. The Guardian: Nicholas Sparks
77. The 7th Victim: Alan Jacobson (If you like Patterson, you'll like Jacobson)



As you can tell, I am a "grab it off the shelf" kind of reader. If the dust jacket sounds good, I usually go with it. When I find an author I really like, I want to read everything he or she has written.
I will keep adding as the list grows. When I look at my list, no wonder my grass needed mowing and my house needed dusting!
Keep on readin'
JE

A Tribute

Two years ago today, the love of my life passed away. This is my tribute to her:

If I had only known,
It was our last walk in the rain,
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm.
I would hold your hand
Like a life line to my heart,
Underneath the thunder we'd be warm.
If I had only known,
It was our last walk in the rain.


If I had only known,
I'd never hear your voice again,
I'd memorize each thing you ever said.
And on those lonely nights,
I could think of them once more,
And keep your words alive inside my head.
If I had only known,
I'd never hear your voice again.


You were the treasure in my hand,
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware, I foolishly believed
That you would always be there,
But then there came a day,
And I turned my head and you slipped away.


If I had only known,
It was my last night by your side,
I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn.
And when you smile at me
I would look into your eyes,
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on..
If I had only known,
The love I would've shown,
If I had only known.


I miss you!

JE

Randon Thought for Today

My brother, who is the coolest guy ever, sent me this via e mail today and I had to share it!

• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
• How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  
• I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than make 5 trips to bring my groceries in.
  
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
  
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent one dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
  
• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  
• I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
  
• Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
  
• I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
  Bad decisions make really good stories
  
• Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
  
• There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
  
• "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
  
• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
  
• As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
  
• Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  
• It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
  
• I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  
• I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

Painting "101"

Here's the real truth about my latest painting job.
First, let me state for the record that I HATE to paint! Anything! But especially walls and ceilings. I have been wanting to paint my bedroom for a number of months, but have put it off for several reasons. First, I don't like to paint without having the windows open, and the weather hasn't been fit to have them open, or if it's cool enough to have them open, I don't want to do it. I want to be outside doing other stuff. Secondly , my bedroom is small with a hell of a lot of furniture in it. What do I do with it all while I am painting. The only place to move it to is the living room which is not a good idea since it is the main room of the house and I don't have a family room. Thirdly, I am sloppy, so that means shrouding everything imaginable in plastic. Fourthly, I can't pick colors, even if I know what I want. But, all this being said, the time has come to get at it, so I go paint shopping.
I pick a light neutral gold/beigey color. I have it mixed. I get it home. Take a look at the bedroom accessories and think, "blah." Nothing too wrong, but not just right either. So, since I had it mixed and can't take it back, there's twenty five bucks shot in the ass. So I go get another color of deeper gold, letting my son talk me into getting a satin finish instead of flat. I bring it home and stir and stir and stir, and when I begin putting it on the wall, it's runny and sticky and like smearing honey on the wall. Back to the paint store.. The "paint maven" decided that the mixing base was probably bad, so I could probably get a store credit, but being the hindsight-is-always-better person that I am, I didn't take the gallon with me, because the label said that because it was mixed color, it was non-returnable. So there went another twenty-five bucks. Soooo, I pick another color, flat finish, gold, bright, perfect. This time it was almost thirty bucks, no longer on sale. I began painting with it. I got two walls done, one coat and when it dried, I swear it looked like a cheap bordello (not that I have ever been in one, but my imagination can just picture some sleezy rent-by-the-hour hotel room in Tiajuana). It was so bright and just was nauseous to look at. Okay, you are getting the picture.
That evening when Prof came home, I was so discouraged that I was fuming and really p.o.'ed at my self for all the messing around with the paint. I should have left it alone, white!
Prof suggested an altogether different color scheme. Said, think about it for a few days. I mulled it over and over. I talked to my friend Curley about the color choices I had made, all bad, and asked her what she thought of Prof's suggestion. She said "go for it." So back to the paint store. This time I bought a less expensive paint in brown. It's really the color of fine, milk chocolate. It took two coats and in some places, especially the one spot with the thin runny crap, three coats. But it looks wonderful. Three walls are that color. Then, the real treat started. Prof suggested I paint the fourth wall a deep red. Yes, red. I love red, so that sounded really neat. I go back to paint store #2 (where they sell less expensive paint) and had a gallon of "red drama" mixed. I begain putting it on the fourth wall. It wouldn't cover well. I had white underneath, so I thought I didn't need to prime it. Wrong! After two coats, it still looked blotchy and had light and dark spots. Now, what? I thought "to heck with it," cleaned up the rollers and brushes, and sat down to watch TV. During a commercial, Kilz paint(which I always thought was a primer/sealer for water spots) advertised their new line of paint which covers in less coats, and has a built-in primer. Voila! Back to the paint store, and had them mix me a gallon of "red drama," rushed home and put a coat on the red wall. Golly Moses, it works! This stuff is miraculous! I put on one coat. Went to work, came home and looked it over. I thought it would look more smooth with another coat, so I donned the paint garb, one more time and had at it. It looks fantastic. I noticed a couple of spots along the ceiling that need touching up, so in the morning, I will do that, and by afternoon, I can be done. I think I couls see a career in interior decorating in Prof's future if she just could get someone to hire her. Of course, I haven't gotten her bill yet!!:)
Bear in mind that I moved all the furniture from one side of the room to the other, made a path to my bed at night, then began again in the morning. This has been going on for almost two weeks now. Now it's done! Next week I am getting new carpet put down in there. Then, as soon a Curley has time, she is making me new curtain thingys. Things finally look nice. I don't know why I just didn't let Prof and Curley pick the colors in the first place. I love it when a plan finally comes together. Did I mention I HATE to paint???? Thank the gods for Prozac!

Face Lift

Thanks to Prof for the new look. Those of you that know me well know that this is the "real" me. Now I just have to get back into the habit of blogging on a more regular basis. My life is so boring right now, I have nothing to write about. I rise, eat, read, work, eat, read, sleep. Now, I ask you, what is so interesting about that schedule? HA!

Peace and love,
JE

Finding Joy

By not working a lot of hours this summer, for the first time in ever, I have had lots of time to reflect on my life and the twists and turns it has taken. I have had a lot on my plate the past few years, but I also have found lots of joy in living. There are lots of ways of finding joy in life.

Finding joy in family. Probably, no definitely, my family brings me the most joy. Having my children and grandchildren around me is such a source of love and joy for me. Whether we are working, or playing, or doing what we all love to do best, eating, my family fills my heart and soul with love and joy. They all care about me, as well as each other, and we all relate well to one another. Each have their own unique sense of humor, but all blend well into one. Ususally, by the time they call it a night, my facial muscles are tired from smiling and laughing.

Finding joy in friends. My friends are so important to me. I have lots of acquaintences, but not a lot of really close friends. Those close friends that my wife and I shared as a couple have naturally faded away, though I still keep in touch with them , but not as much. I have friends at both my jobs, but I don't socialize with them. My good friend, Curley, is probably my closest friend. She and her family have been a great help to me through my loss and recovery period. Curley and I shop together, and like to eat! She shares confidences and serves as a sounding board for me. She has helped me redecorate my house. She has similar tastes as mine and knows what goes together. Though, sometimes she steps back, scratches her head, and says "okaaayyy!" at some of my wild ideas. She also is an avid crafter, so we share ideas between us. I value her friendship as well as that of her family. Of course, there is my Ohio family. They are precious to me. Though not related by blood, they are most assuredly family in the true sense of the word. My singing buddies are also close friends. We are always glad to see each other and have so much fun when we get together.

Which brings me to finding joy in my music. Singing is my favorite pasttime. The three guys I sing with are much younger than me, but they still treat me like one of them. We laugh and joke with each other, until it's time to sing; then we get serious. We make such wonderful music together. It is pleasing to the ear as well as the heart and soul. Listening to music of all kinds, be it country, pop, or gospel, bring joy to my heart and soul.

Finding joy in my faith. My faith has sustained me through thick and thin. Without it, I feel my life would be an empty shell. I know I don't always practice what I have been taught, but it's there. I know God is leading me along life's path. I am just anxious to find out what lies on the way.

Finding joy at home. I mentioned earlier that I am redecorating my home. Little by little I am making changes. I am not changing things because I didn't like the way it was, I am changing it to make it more "mine" now that my wife is gone. My home has become a haven for me. I feel safe there. I want to make it a place where I am comfortable being alone, as well as a place of welcome for family and friends. I want to surround myself with things I love. And I am learning to do it on a budget. It's fun to find things in "out-of-the-way" places and blend them with things already in place. I lave several things left to do, but I'm in no hurry to get there. I consider it a work in progress.

In fact, I consider myself a work in progress. I am remaking my life into something new, step by step. keeping the things and dear ones close brings me joy. What more is there to life.

Peace and love,
JE

Deep in the heart of Texas

Hello all,
I am on vacation in the Dallas/Ft. Worth metroplex. I flew down on Tuesday last, and am staying with my brother and his lovely wife. It is absolutely beautiful here. It's hot! But, the humidity is about nil so it's manageable. Of course everything is air conditioned, so what's to worry. We have lazed about since we have been here. Done a little shopping for necessities, but otherwise, I have read, napped, and just generally relaxed. That's what vacation is all about. We are going into Ft. Worth to the zoo and a couple museums later on. Next week we are spend a few days in Austin, the capitol. That should be fun. Bro and wife are excellent hosts and make me feel so welcome. We had dinner last evening with some of their friends, then played dominos! I had to learn to play, but found it fun. They play for "blood." It was a hoot just to listen to them.
So, if I don't write too often, this is why. I am taking life easy and enjoying every minute of it.

JE

All Is Well!

After ending up in the ER lat month, a lot has happened. I saw a cardiologist from a large Cardiology group in Ft. Wayne. He wasn't too concerned after talking to me, but suggested, no ordered, some tests on the ol' ticker. Since my mom had died of a sudden heart attack, as had my mother's oldest brother, and the fact that my older brother has had to have a valve replaced in his heart, Dr. M thought it would be a good idea to be checked out.
So, on 5/12 I visited Ft. Wayne Cardiology. I had an Echocardiogram, a neuclear stress test, plus a myoview. I was nervous about all of this, but both my children as well as Curley rallied around me and went along. It was an experience. I had to have a radioactive isotope injected by IV, then sit for 45 minutes as it curculated through by blood stream. Then I had the myoview. It is a GIANT camera that I laid under and it slowly moved over my chest taking pictures of my heart, while the tech people watched on a monitor. Then I had to walk a treadmill. That was a snap. No problems. Then I had the echogram. That was interesting, too. Much like what my daughters had when they were carrying the grandchildren. I went to lunch for 3 hours and returned to the office for another myoview scan. Then came the hard part. Waiting for the results.
On Friday the 15th, after turning 64 on the 13th, I had an appointment with my GP, who had the results of all these tests. I am pround and profoundly thankful to be able to say that my heart is is good condition. No problems anywhere. Dr. GP said that the only thing wrong with my heart is that has been broken, and will just take time to heal. I guess dealing with the loss of my wife, and all that goes with it, has caused me a lot more stress that I realized. Dr. GP recommended that I take something to help with the stress and depression for a while, and that I start having more time for myself instead of immersing myself in working two jobs, and maybe try to relax a little more. So that is my goal for this summer.
On June 2, I am boarding the big silver bird and flying to Texas for an extended stay with my brother and sister in law. It will be good to get away and good to spend time with them. With Prof here to mind the house, and my grandson to mow my lawn, I can relax and have some fun. That's exactly what I intend to do.
School is almost out, and though I love my job and the students, I am looking forward to being able to just step away from it all for a couple of months. I just need some time for me. Selfish? Maybe so, but it's time.

Peace and Love,
JE

So You See, This Is What Happened...

For the last few days, I have not felt very chipper. Achy, short of breath, and not very much energy. This morning, I went to my choir's annual preEaster-cantata practice. This is the one where we hash out all the last minute details, microphone, narrator problems, missed entrances, and missed notes. The choir director is more of a "dictator" (not really, it just seems that way for a couple of hours.) at this practice, the choir is on edge and usually everyone leaves exhausted.
Well, since I haven't felt well, I should have just stayed home, but I didn't. I went and I didn't feel well when I got there. The longer the practice went, the lousier I felt. I had some chest pains and was short of breath. So, I started to leave, and my fellow tenor on my row offered to take me home. I said that I thought the emergency room was a better idea, so he took me past my house on the way, and Professor was still home. We stopped, he ran in the house and told her what was going on. She flew out the door, and she finished taking me on the the ER. My friend Tim walked the 3 blocks back to the church, bless his heart.
The ER was a scary place. I could only remember the night I had to take my late wife Tilly there via ambulance. Fortunately, they did not put me in the same room she had been in. The personnel was very low key, but kind and efficient beyond words. They worked at hooking me up to an EKG, blood pressure cuff and an EMT started a precautionary IV, "just in case" they needed it. They asked me a barrage of questions about history, and meds I was on.
Professor called Sistah, my daughter-in-law, who in turn called Lil Bro, my son. Professor also called our good friend Curley. My pastor showed up in short order, so all in all I knew I was in good hands, just scared to death about what I didn't know.
The good news was that the complete (and probably very expensive) cardiac workup showed no signs of heart attack prior or present, a chest x-ray showed that my chest was clear, and that my heart region showed no signs of enlargement or abnormalities.
The bad news was, and I can live with this, that I have a musculo-skeltal problem with my left shoulder, and left ribs and the muscles between those ribs and around the shoulder joint. It is probably caused by the fall I took debarking from the Greyhound Bus almost two years ago, and has gotten worse thru ol' athritis. So now, I am on an expensive antiflamatory drug. It is supposed to help to reduce inflamation in those problem areas.
The Doctor on call said that singing, standing, and sitting probably aggravated those areas, and that caused the pain, which in turn ,caused anxiety. Besides it was hotter that **** in our church sanctuary this morning, which probably didin't help.
Now the good part. My family!!! Not only did Professor just take over, Sistah and Miss K were there, and here came Curley. She doesn't drive, but had her oldest son bring her in. Lil Brother was at a shooting competition out of town, but came as soon as he checked his messages after it was over. They all rallied around me with love. They took care of getting my meds filled, and food for all. They stayed all afternoon with me after I got home. They didn't hover and keep saying, "are you okay", they were just there for me. Curley went to WalMart with Professor when she went to get meds filled, and even brought me back a bouquet of roses. Later this evening, my friend Tim and his wife stopped by on their evening walk to check on me. I feel so blessed. Not only am I going to be okay, but I have such a wonderful family and friends. How lucky can one guy get? This year, my Easter will be a true blessing.

It's Been a Long Winter

Golly! I just have been rereading some of my most recent blogs! I know it has been a LONG winter, and I have had a rough go of it, but really...I didn't know quite how morbid and "feel-sorry-for-myselfish" I had had been. I wonder if I have been this way to my family and friends! I must get back to living life and having a good time. To hell with winter...welcome Spring, both inside and out. I promise better things, what ever they are!

Peace and love,
JE

I found this quote........

In a book I am reading I found this paragraph which read,"Why is my sweet, loveable wife dead, when the fools and criminals and drunks, the flotsam and jetsam who fill the courtrooms and prisions, can't be killed with a sledgehammer? Why do my son and daughter not have a mother?How can this be authored--or all0wed--by a benevolent God? And if your answer is 'sometimes we can't understand His purpose,' I don't want to hear it. That's not an answer, it's an excuse."

I guess I am in a "funky" mood today, but this quote sort of describes how I feel when I think about my wife's death. Don't get me wrong, I still believe God is good, but don't tell me that Tilly's death was His will. It wasn't! It just pisses me off when people use benign platitudes thinking it will make you feel better. It doesn't. I guess I just want to know why it happened the way it did, when it did. I won't ever know, but I can want to know all the same.

Thank God that my own pastors don't rely on platitudes. They shoot straight from the hip where this kind of thing is concerned. That has helped.

Oh well, maybe I should hit delete; or not. No, I won't. I needed this chance to get this off my chest.

Peace and love,
JE

After A While

You know how sometimes things can be there so long you just don't notice them? Well I found this taped to the full-length mirror that my late wife always used. It hangs on the back of our bedroom door and has for the last several years, but I never really notice what she had taped there until now:

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand
and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean
leaning
and company doesn't mean
security
and you begin to learn
that kisses aren't promises
and you begin to
accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in midflight
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring
you flowers
and you learn
that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye
you learn...

I think she is trying to tell me something now, even after being gone for 16 months.

A B C's for Life

I know I haven't posted for a while. I really haven't had anything worth posting. Just tryin' to stay warm and survive this horrific winter! Hurry Spring! I found this today and decided to share it with you, my fellow readers:

Accept differences.
Be kind.
Count your blessings.
Dream
Express thanks
Forgive.
Give freely.
Harm no one.
Imagine more.
Jettison anger
Keep confidences
Love truly.
Master something
Nurture hope.
Open your mind.
Pack lightly.
Quell rumors.
Reciprocate
Seek wisdom.
Touch hearts.
Understand.
Value truth.
Win graciously.
Xeriscape.
Yearn for peace.
Zealously support a worthy cause.

Peace!
JE

Old Acquaintances be Forgotten? Never!

New Year's Eve this year was great. Earlier in the week, my good buddy, de Hube, and his wifey invited me to a party at their house on New Years Eve. I hemmed and hawed about going, since I would be alone, but decided, "what the hell," and went anyway. Lo and behold, there were several other couples there. This was the group of couples that my late wife and I had associated with for the last 30 years or so. They were all so welcoming and kind. I felt honored to be asked to attend.
We had wonderful food of all kinds, appetizers, main course, and of course dessert. Also, Mrs. de Hube had mixed up a gallon of Margaritas. Since I was about the only one in the group that drinks at all, I had a great time trying to get rid of that gallon. Didn't happen, but they did invite me back to help finish it sometime soon.
After eating much too much, we all adjourned to the TV to watch the ball drop in New York City. At 5 minutes to the hour of 12, hats, horns and other noisemaking equipment was passed around. Tradition has it that this stuff is kept from year to year. It made for a good laugh as we donned our crazy hats like birthday children and at the stroke of midnight, we made as much noise as a bunch of "oldsters" can make, passed good wishes and hugs around the group, turned in our hats, and started gathering up our various dishes and coats and stuff, and begain heading for our respective homes. I was home by 12:20AM. Professor and I stayed up and visited and watched a little telly until about 1:00AM. Then went to bed after having a great day!
Happy New Year everyone!
Peace,
JE

Reality Check for 2009!

My friend, "Mathwhiz," sent me this. I thought it would make a good reality check to begin the new year with. Happy New Year, everyone!

Peace,

JE

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces: The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Law of Physical Appearance: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law: If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Alll is Right With The World!

Christmas was wonderful. We had a great time. My children and grandchildren were all here. What more could I possibly want. Professor made it home all in one piece. My prayers were answered. Things weren't so glum as last year. We laughed lots, loved much, and of course, ate way too much. A good time was had by all. I got neat stuff, too!
Peace,
JE

My mantra for 2009.

I found this quote the other day and think it will be my mantra for 2009. I learned a long time ago not to make New Year's Resolutions, because I can never keep them. But I have adopted this quote. It sounds good to me!
"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."


Peace,
JE

She's Comin' Home!

As you all know, Professor is coming home. She leaves MT. in 2 days! I am excited. I have so many things I want to get done before she gets here. I don't have enough time to get it all done. I will have to prioritize. I keep thinking that I want everything special and perfect when she gets here, but is she really going to care? No, I don't think so. So I will keep on doing my thing, and just maybe everything will fall into place eventually.
It sure will be nice to have her back home!
Peace!
JE

The Things I Have (or Haven't) Done!

I thought this was cool. The things I've done are in orange. If you want to play, copy/paste these into your own blog, and leave me a comment so I'll know to head on over there to read about you. Add events if you want! I added #102!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyworld or Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung/played a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Made a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Received a bathroom scale as a birthday present
101. Branded cows
102. Been an opening act for a famous group

Can't Hardly Wait

It seems like an eternity, but in just 25 days, Professor will be home for good. I am so excited! I have her quarters all cleaned up and the sheets for her bed are in the dryer as we speak. It will be so nice to see her and have her close. I have missed her. It seems like forever since we have seen each other, though it was just in July. Last night we talked for 155 minutes and 3 seconds according to the timer on my phone. We blabbed about everything and anything, and if possible, we just "hung out" on the phone.
We have come to some agreements. Prof is willing to do some of the cooking if I clear and do the dishes. She also agrees to do the laundry if I am willing to clean and dust. Sounds fair to me.
We also agreed that we both need our space, so we will spend time in our own parts of the house and not get pissed off if we just want quiet or alone time. It worked before, most of the time, when Prof lived here before moving to Montana. So we can make it work again.
I am just thrilled that she wants to be here. We will enjoy each other's company, I know.
This has got to be my best Christmas present!
Peace!
JE

A Bit of Advertising

Hey readers! I have my latest post up on The Writers Block. Check it out! I shamelessly admit it is one of my better pieces.
JE

What Is Left To Say?

I committed a serious mistake the other night. I whined on line that I had no one to talk to and no one really wanted to listen to me when I was feeling down. Well, let me recant that. I have a wonderful family that is always there to listen to me, whether it is on a down day or an up day. I so do appreciate them. Some days I wonder how they stand being around me.
I apologize to my family for what I said. I cherish each of you and what you bring into my life.
I also want to apologize to those friends of mine who have been there for me this last year. I made it sound like you don't care, and I know you do.
I must admit that I was in a bad place when I wrote that blog. I should be more careful when I post and let my feeling go. I need to hold onto these writings for a while before I post them and reread them a few times.
From now on, I intend to take a more positive tack and think good thoughts.
JE

Another Interesting List About Moi

Do you hold grudges easily? Not really.
Do you suffer pain from a past hurt? yes
Can you handle constructive criticism? Not very well
In this world what makes you the happiest? Singing, Holding Miss Peanut, or seeing my kids.
Do you believe colors express your personality? yup
Whom do you respect the most? Those around me that seem to have it altogether all the time.
What is an interest of yours that others would find silly? Creativity
Do you believe there is a god? Certainly
Do you fall for romance movies? I find them sappy
Do you fall in love too quickly? Not any more
Do you believe in destiny (fate)? Sorta
Do you often get annoyed by cell phones? I hate them!
Do you catch yourself running from situations? More frequently than not.
What would you consider to be your best talent? Losing myself in whatever project I am doing.
Which do you value more, family or friends? Family
Do you like card games? Hate ‘em!
Ever been swimming in a lake or river? Yes
Ever been to a bonfire party? yeah
Have you ever been on a horse? Yes, used to own my own and ride every day.
What’s irritating you right now? My life
Which radio station(s) do you listen to? WJOT: D.J. there is my friend, and is sensational.
Are you afraid of the dark? Not as long as the doors are locked.
Do you get distracted easily? Depends on what I am doing.
What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? gargled.
Is this year the best year of your life? Not even close
Do you have any strange phobias? mice: they just piss me off.
Is it easier to forgive or to forget? To forgive
Do you give out second chances too easily? Yes
Have you dated people who weren’t good to you? Oh yes. I remember it well.
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? No
Where is your cell phone? On the table in my room, charging.
What time did you go to sleep last night? Around midnight.
Are you excited for the future? Not really: it looks sorta bleak from where I view it.
Your first ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say? You bitch! Do you have any idea how much I loved you, and you threw it all away! Get out of my life!
When was the last time you yelled at someone? Does raising my voice at a student count? If so, almost daily. If not, then I can’t remember the last time I yelled.
When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? Today
Have you done anything you regret in 2008 so far? Oh yeah! Several things, but most of them are private.
Is there any emotion you’re trying to avoid right now? Several.
Have you ever punched anyone? I punched a guy in the face once upon a time.
What’s your last text message say? I don’t text!
Have you ever been called Prince/Princess? NOT! Princely, maybe. Especially in my Madrigal getup.
Whom do you go to when you need someone to talk to? Right now, I really don’t have anyone to talk to. I’m alone, dammit. I have found that basically, most people don’t want to hear my problems, or my feelings, so I just keep my mouth shut and keep them inside.

The first time

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?A girl named Kay
2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?No
3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?gin and 7 Up. What did I know at age 12.
4. What was your FIRST job?mowing lawns
5. What was your FIRST car?mint green 54 Plymouth Savoy
6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?I don’t text
7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?Professor; wondering if she made it home okay.
8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?Mrs. Dustin
9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?San Francisco 47 years ago in a 4 motor prop
10. Who was your FIRST best friend, and are you still friends with him / her?Ronnie-nope
11. Who was your FIRST kiss?Bertie
12. Where was your FIRST sleep over?Probably Grandma’s.
13. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?Julianne
14. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?Jan’s. I was an acolyte.
15. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?got out of bed
16. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?Ray Boltz, then Billy Joel
17. FIRST tattoo or piercing?left ear lobe, still contemplating a tattoo
18. FIRST foreign country you went to?Canada
19. First movie you remember seeing in the theater? Peter Pan
20. When was your FIRST detention?Didn’t have such a thing when I was in school.
21. What was the FIRST state you lived in?Indiana
22. Who was the FIRST person to really break your heart? Linda
23. Who was your first roommate?Other than my brother and parents, my college roomie, Tom
24. With whom was your FIRST date?Bertie

To My Darlin' Daughter!!!

"Happy Birthday to you,"

"Happy Birthday to you,"

"Happy Birthday dear Proffy,"

"Happy Birthday to you."

Have a good one!

JE aka Prof's Daddy

Like Sand Through the Hourglass of Life

It's been a year since my world, as I knew it, came crashing down around my shoulders. My beloved wife of 38 years was gone. After struggling for what must have seemed forever to her, with multiple health problems, God called her home. Thus, began my new journey into unfamiliar territory called "alone."

This journey that I have been on has been a roller coaster ride to say the least. It has been filled with highs and lows. The lows far out number the highs, but the speed with which this year has passed is phenomenal.

The day after Tilly's funeral, I rode back to Texas with my brother and sister-in-law. There I began the grieving process. They both were super to me, spending time listening to me, crying with me and, too, giving me time alone to think and write. (Before I left, Professor had given me a journal.) I relaxed in the sun and got refreshed, but all too soon it was time to return to the reality back home.

Tilly had always handled the day-to-day running of the house. I had no idea when the bills were due, where to mail stuff, or even what the password to our on-line banking account was. I wasn't sure what was in the cupboards or freezer either. I learned quickly! And I am proud to say that the utility bills and insurance premiums have all been kept current and paid on time. I have had to deal with the mountains of debt incurred during those last days that Tilly was in the ICU unit at the hospital in Ft. Wayne. My mind is still reeling at the exorbitant fees that doctors charge for just walking into a patient's room. The hospital bill alone edged very closely to $100,000. This didn't count the numerous doctors and technicians who bill seperately. I am truly grateful for the medical insurance that we carried. And I advise everyone out there to make sure you have adequate life insurance. We didn't! I will be paying off the funeral expenses for a long time to come.

Along with all the "stuff" I have already talked about, I have learned about grief. The grief that enveloped me was huge. One minute I was thinking, "Oh, I can handle this," and the next minute I was racked with tears and feelings of darkness and despair; a loneliness that was and still is indescribable. I equate it with being in a dark tunnel with no light at the end, stumbling along not able to see or feel anything.

"First" are not pleasant either, but friends and family seem to make them happen. Cousins had me at their home for Thanksgiving. My children were at my house for Christmas. Somehow, we all made it through that holiday, but the pain was there right below the surface for us all. Mom was missing! New Years Eve was spent with my friends da Hubes, and I had a good time, despite the feeling of being a "lone wolf." Valentine's Day came and went . I looked at the cards with longing and a heavy heart. Suddenly the romance was gone from my life. Would I ever feel that way again? On Tilly's birthday, I made a wreath for her grave. I also had Lil Bro and Sistah over for dinner. I fixed Tilly's favorites, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans. We toasted her memory. I remember, too, how weird it was to write the word "widower" on a form for the first time. But that was "me" now. Get used to it!

On the advice of my family doctor, I have joined a grief recovery and healing group. This group has helped me a lot. I realize now that I am not the only one who has ever been through this life-altering experience. I realize that it's okay to cry, and it's okay to laugh. I have learned that it is good to talk about my grief, and to talk about my life with Tilly. It's okay to feel anger, and sadness; basically, it's okay to feel the way I do at any given moment. And believe me, those feelings change all the time.

Through all of this, my family has been so very supportive. At first, both of my children called me daily; just to check in and see that I was okay. My Texas and Ohio family called frequently to touch base and give me words of encouragement. Now that it's been a year, I think my kids have relaxed and know that Dad is doing alright most days, and that I'm not leaving them anywhere in the near future. I spend lots of time with my son and daughter-in-law, and now my new granddaughter. They fill a great void for me and I admit I would be lost without them. I email Professor almost daily and we call back and forth across the miles between here and Montana often. I know they care...that's the most important thing right now.

My friends have been there for me and have seen me through some of the toughest of times. Of course, some of the couples that Tilly and I did things with have distanced themselves and that's only natural. Others have become closer than ever before. With them, I can laugh, cry, and just be myself.

My faith has been tested this last year. Why not! I have wondered why Tilly died. I have asked God, "Why me," in my moments of darkest despair. But, when I talk to others and they mention losing a loved one, I know I didn't "lose" Tilly. I know exactly where she is. I find tremendous comfort in knowing that she is now pain-free and I picture her singing in a heavenly choir. My pastors and my church family have played an important part in my reaching this point in my acceptance. They have been nurturing, kind and loving. I could not have reached this point without them. I still am singing. It's one of the things that brings me joy. Tilly was my biggest fan, and I can feel her nudging me to continue, even when I would rather stay home.

A year later I am still in the grieving stage. I probably will always grieve. But I am more at ease with the grief. I understand it more each day. That tunnel I mentioned earlier is still dark, but there are days that I catch a glimpse of light at the end. Even though it is dim, or at best just a flicker, it gives me hope.

Peace and Hope,
JE

The Yardwork Challenge

If you have ever noticed in my blog, I have stated that yardwork is not really my forte. I do it, but I don't like it very well. With fall now upon us in Area 52, it's time to cut back the perinnials, trim up the bushes and mow the grass, blowing the leaves that have already fallen into the driveway and then sweeping them into a trash bag.

So, after church, I come home, don my "wife beater" tee shirt, old shorts, and my yard shoes. I get out the weed eater, hedge trimmers, pruners, and shears. And the mower. I like to weed eat before I mow so I can pick up the debris in the grassbag of my mower. I did the back yard. I did the side yard and along the front sidewalk. I decided that my spirea bush needed to be trimmed so I got the hedge trimmers, which are electric like my weed eater. I change the cords around, and began. All is going well. I have about two more cuts to make on the bush, and suddenly my trimmers quit. They are borrowed from Aunt Alice, and I certainly didn't want to ruin them, so upon investigation, I discovered that I had cut my best 50' outdoor cord in two. Glad I didn't get shocked, but pissed that I ruined my chord, I finished up trimming by hand. Then I mowed. Then I restacked my stone wall at the entrance to the alley that runs by my house. The neighbors insist on hitting it every once in a while, and knocking it down. This is an ongoing concern, but if I didn't have it there, people would just keep driving up in my yard and would kill the plantings that I have out there. By this time, I am hot, tired and hungry. I put all the tools away and come in. I go into the bathroom to rinse off my feet and legs, and no lights work. The lights in my laundry room don't work. So, down to the basement I go. I find the breaker that runs the outside plug, reset it, and "VOILA" the lights come back on.

I need to go to the grocery. My milk is gone past due date, the bread in my bread box is green. I noshed on crackers and apple butter, and some microwave oatmeal, and a diet coke. I found some grapes in my fridge that were still alright, and ate those. Right now, I think I will grab a cold beer, and sit on my butt and cool down and maybe take a nap. I have had enough of a challenge from Mother Nature for one day. The back yard will have to wait until tomorrow, for "tomorrow is another day."

Face Lift

Greetings!
I felt like I needed a change. As much as the other blog face was "me" I felt like a change. I wish I could design my own. If anyone out ther knows how, let me know. I like this one and it is much easier to read. Besides that, change is good. Hope everyone likes it. By the way, I have been trying to put together a blog posting of several pictures in a row of my favorite singers. I want to call it Musical Monday. But I keep getting "error on page" when I upload more than two pictures. Maybe I can figure it out, or maybe someone out there can help me out.
JE

I am Grandpa again!

Today, folks, I became Grandpa for the second time. I spent numerous hours sitting in the waiting room waiting, with my son and daughter-in-law just down the hall. It took about 15 hours, but little Kinzie Madelyn was finally born. She weighed in at 7 lbs. 14ozs. and was 20" long. This was quite a feat for Sistah, cause she isn't a very big gal. This is their first child. Mom and baby are doing fine, and Daddy was a real trooper. He was beaming. He called his sister, the Professor, and I heard him say, "My daughter is here." My baby is now a daddy. My how time flies. This brought back some very fond memories of when my children were born. It also was a bittersweet time. With Tilly gone almost a year now, and a new life being born. Isn't it funny how the "circle of life" works?
Peace and Hope...much Hope!
JE

Not a Good Week

Some weeks go well. Some not so well. This was not a good one.

It seemed like every student that came into my room had some super-huge problem and they thought I was the only one in the nation that could solve it. They whined, nagged and generally caused me to border on a migraine. Every teacher that came into the room had some sort of piddly-ass gripe or questions that, just because I am a verteran in the building, or just look old enough to be their grandfathers, they dumped the whole load.

Not only all of this, but it's been months since I have had a decent paycheck, and I am low on almost everything in my cupboards. I have tried to exist on Raisin Bran, Cheerios, and peanut butter until I start drawing a check again from the school system. On this limited diet I thought, well, the pounds should be falling off that I gained while in Montana eating like a fiend. No go, in fact I stepped on the scales and had gained 6. Shit!

On Wednesday I recieved a bill from a dr. that I saw in February. He is on our PPO system thru my school insurance, but for some reason, they are not paying. It was a large bill, and there is no way I have the up front cash to pay it right now. So, I get on the phone to the ins. co. and try to find out what is happening. I get passed from one department to another, and the final straw was that by the time they transfered me the last time, that person had gone home, and I was late to work at my second job. The same day, I got my light bill. Everyone was wanting a piece of me! Later that evening, I had quartet practice. My quartet consists of 3 very close friends. I spilled my guts to them. I think I even said that maybe it would be easier if I just jumped off the Carroll Street Bridge. I was at a very bad place that evening.

Later that night, the phone rang. It was my friend da Hube. He was at practice earlier. He got to thinking about my plight with the Ins. Co. He is an insurance agent himself. He could sympathize. He offered to help me. So, after school on Thursday, I took all the paperwork, phone numbers, and attitude to his office. I showed him, explained who and what I had attempted, and then he took over. He called the billing co. who routed him to the insurance co. who told him that the billing co had the wrong codes on their billing, and that they were sending it to the wrong address, which was plainly stated on the back of my ins. card, which the hospital copied when I was there in Feb. In one hour, Hube had everything straightened out, the bill willl be sent to the proper offices, and payment should follow. What a good friend, and what a relief.

Friday night I was supposed to have a date. I asked this lady out, but when I did it, it just didn't feel right. She's nice, very fun, but, it just didn't seemright. Not a good thing. So, I called her and made an excuse that I couldn't go. She was not happy, but "oh well." I just am not ready. I thought I was, but I'm not. So I stayed home Friday night and watched TV and listened to music.

Saturday was a bummer of a day. It was hot. Very humid and hot. I, who am tight with the buck, have decided to not run my AC. I got up after a restless night, went out to Burger King and got breakfast, and went back home. I vegged in front of the fan/stereo all day. I missed Tilly in the worst way and found myself crying at sentimental songs and thoughts. I still think of her like she will be coming home. It's been 11 months today, and I still think she should be sitting in the living room when I come home at the end of the day. I found myself sifting thru her jewelry box and even went in and sprayed some of her perfume in the air of my bathroom. I moped around all day and honestly was more tired than if I had worked all day. Could I add any more gloom to my life? Before I went to bed, I caved in and closed up the house and started the AC. I got a good night's sleep.

Today, I got up determined to have a better day. I went to church, my quartet sang the special music. And the children told of their camp experiences. These were the young children who have experienced camp for the first time. It was a hoot to listen to them. One of them said that one thing he learned was that God is everywhere. In my week of trouble, and feeling sorry for myself, I seemed to have forgotten that. It took a child of 10 to remind me. I think this week will be better!

Peace and Hope,
JE

Finally!

For those of you who read "The Writers Block," I have my latest attempt at writing now posted. I don't know what Prof's holdup is; could it be that she is busy making lesson plans since her school starts tomorrow? Anyhow, take a gander at my "travel brochure" about Eastern Montana.

Shoppin' the The City

Friday, I picked up my good friend Curley and we struck out for the city for a day of craft shopping. Curley, as many know is my crafting cohort. Her husband hates anything to do with shopping, but doesn't care if she goes shopping with me. Saves him from having to go and gives him more time to fish and play golf.
We took off about 10 am, and hit Hobby Lobby where I think we were up and down every aisle at least twice. I bought cardmaking stuff, Curley, who teaches a "senior citizen" crafting class, bought gobs of supplies for that. I don't think she bought a thing for herself.
Next,we hit JoAnn Fabrics and Crafts. I bought some stuff for a project that is fodder for a later post, and Curley bought stickers and other stuff too numerous to mention.
Of course, we hit a Taco Bell for lunch. Taco salads! We also swung by the Cookie Cottage. I think I gained 5 pounds just walking in their door. Good oatmeal-raisin cookies, though.
We arrived back home about 4:30, unloaded the car at Curley's, then I came on home. The best part of the whole day was that I laughed! I haven't done too much of that recently, and it did me good. It was fun. I spent too much money, but hey, I can't take it with me, right?
Hope and Peace
JE

The "Dreaded" Class Reunion

Last night I attended my 45th class reunion. Sounded like fun when I received the invite. I thought the cost was a little extravagant, but I sent in my check after much encouragement from an old classmate that I see often. All day yesterday I dreaded going, decided not to go, but in the end, I donned my "party" shirt and went anyway. Now, don't get me wrong, I did enjoy seeing a few people. My old friend Phyl was there. We spend our school years just down the road from each other and have remained friends forever. Other than she and Herk, Toad and CR, I really didn't care if I saw anyone else.
I sat a a table with other guys who came alone for one reason or another. Most of them ignored me during high school and I had nothing in common with any of them to talk about. After inquiring about their careers and grandkids, there was nothing left. The classmates that I was closest to seperated themselves at a table and shut me out. Okay, I know I am a mature adult and should get past this, but this is my space to let off steam, so I will. I also noticed that the cliques that were always there in high school were still there. My class was the first graduating class of a consolidation of two schools. We were only together as a whole for one year. There were two classmates there that I didn't even remember, and one was not even in our yearbook. (I checked when I got home.)
The program was okay. It was given by the same classmate who did the program five years ago. We played "homeroom feud" and my homeroom lost. Questions about the sixties: where was I then? Social studies was one of my good subjects, too. I knew the answers to the music and movie questions, but the history ones got me. Then came time for the memorial to the classmates who have passed on in the last 45 years. Lots of them. The saddest thing was that one of my old "flames" had passed away and I never knew it. I felt bad. Sorry for her son and his family, wherever they are.
As soon as it was cordially possible, I escaped. I DID NOT have a good time. I am glad I got to see Phyl. We talk often on e-mail, but not person to person. It was good to see her. So I guess in the long run, it was worth it to go. But will I attend another one, #50, in 2013. I think not!

Post Vacation Wrap-up!

Okay, Okay! I know I have been home 3 days and haven't done a trip wrap up yet. So here goes. I had a wonderful flight home. It was clear and sunny all the way which was good since I tended to be a "white knuckle" flier, or sometimes when there was turbulence or shaking, but otherwise I was fine. Lil Bro and Sistah met the plane and carted me safely home. I was glad to get into my own bed. AHHH! Still sorta jetlagged and tired, but back to work.
Prof was just busting my chops about doing this blog and wants details. I loved Montana. To say there was a downside to this trip, I would have to say that the only one was just saying "goodbye" at the airport. That was hard. I didn't let the tears show, but they were there right behind the eyeballs! I hate goodbyes, anyhow! The upside of the trip was the whole damn thing. It's an amazing place. Wide open, remote, and beautiful. I couldn't imagine the vastness until I got there and I definately know why it is called "big sky" country. A highlight was the Missouri Breaks. Hauntingly beautiful is the only way to describe them. Of course meeting all her friends there was great and Wilber won my heart. She is now my second daughter. Everyone treated me fine, just like family. I ate too much, drank WAY too much, and had a grand old time. The whole bunch, plus some others threw me a goodbye party at the H Bar on Monday night. It was great. I got to see a fabulous production of "Jesus Christ, Superstar" which was a real treat too. So, as you can see, there was no serious downer to the whole trip. I loved the dryness; absolutely no sinus problems while I was there.
Now, to be perfectly honest, the area of TMoN Montana is just too remote for me to live all the time. I am too used to being 5 minutes from groceries, Walmart, and restaurants. And, I just don't think I could stand the cold of winter there anymore. -43 without windchill is just to damn cold for these old bones. So, the saying "it's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there" is meant for me. I love the people, and the area, and if I could move them all here, I would. If Prof stays another year, I will surely go back again. There's something that beckons to me.
Peace and Hope
JE