As you all know by now, I drive a transit bus for our county here in area 52. Our system is a "call and make an appointment" system, rather than having regular routes and bus stops.
I have one client who has a standing pickup time of 5:45 pm, Monday thru Thursday. We have a 5 minute wait time after the time the client schedules. The "Bus Bitch" (whom I will refer to as BB) is always late. Most nights I wait anywhere from 9 to 20 minutes on her. Which is against the rules of the transit company. Besides it always makes me late for my next scheduled pickup. But being a nice guy, and knowing that BB doesn't have any other way to get the 7 miles home, I have been breaking the rules and waiting. Well, last week, after a 20 minute wait, I decided to put a stop to her perpetual lateness. (Other drivers have complained that every morning it is the same thing: wait, wait, wait.) I told her when she came out of her place of business and was boarding my vehicle that I would not wait that long on her any more. I tried to explain that we had our rules to follow and that she was making me late for my other clients. Wow! This woman flew into a rage! She grabbed her stuff and "trounced" off the bus, all the while screaming at me about unfair I was, how screwed up our system was, how I didn't understand how hard it was to manage alone, and on and on. She threw things, and in a word, threw a real "tizzy fit." Any moment I expected her to lay down on the ground and kick her feet! This woman is 50 years old!
I, then, in my infinite wisdom, ask her if she was done cussing and raving. She looked at me with such hatred that I was wondering if she had an uzi stashed in that king-size sachel she always carries. I said that I might as well take her home, she had wasted so much time that I was already very late for my next and final client. She got into the bus, clear in the back seat, where she would have a clear shot at the back of my head if she had the uzi, and the proceeded to bawl all the way home. One the way home, I picked up my last rider of the day who wondered if I had forgotten him. I apologized to him about being late. He rode along while I took BB the rest of the way home. Upon arriving at her house, she wouldn't let me help her with her stuff, and when I asked her for her bus fare she told me it was "back on the friggin' seat," and stormed off the bus. The gentleman rider with me said after she was out of earshot, "I don't think she was too happy with you for some reason!"
Now, childlike behavior is expected from a child, but from a woman of 50? Who needs this shit! I filed a formal complaint with the company, called my manager, and then went home. As of today, our 5 minute wait time policy was reinforced at a general drivers meeting. As of today, I will wait 5 minutes, and if BB isn't on my bus at 5:50pm, I am to pull away, and not worry about how she gets home. I could gloat, and say "I won," but did I win anything. Secretly, I am pleased that now she has to follow all the rules if she wants to ride, but I also wonder just how she will get home if I don't take her. After all, I do have a heart!
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
The "Four" List
Another one of those lists of things you might or might not know about Jimmie Earl:
A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Salesperson in a Wholesale Sporting Goods Store
2. Office Manager in a lumber yard
3. Diswasher and short order grill cook
4. Assoc Chemist in a research and development Lab
B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Twister
2. Dances With Wolves
3. Murphy's Romance
4. American President
C) Four places I have lived:
1. Where I currently reside, next door to the "nightmare on Elm St."
2. Huge Victorian near a city park in Area 52
3. Small starter ranch on a tree lined Lane
4. Huge, super huge, house on a mid sized lake in Area 52
D) Four television shows I watch:
1. Criminal Minds
2. Lost
3. Jeopardy
4. Numb3rs
E) Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Intercourse, Penn (just had to list that one)
2. San Francisco (my favorite big city )
3. Ludington, Michigan (absolutely the best vacation site ever)
4. Disney Land
F) Websites I visit daily:
1. my email
2. Yahoo Weather
3. Babble from Babbler
4. Yahoo Crosswords
G) Four of my favorite foods:
1. Mi Pueblo Nachos Grande Beef
2. Steak
3. My wife's cooking, specifically her fried chicken, chocolate sheet cake
4. Breyer's vanilla bean Ice Cream
H) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Somewhere warm, maybe Tahiti
2. In bed
3. On the couch
4. In the country
There was one more that I refuse to answer due the fact that I might incriminate myself:
1. Jennifer O'Neill
2. Jacilyn Smith
3. Jennifer Aniston
4. Sophia Loren (even if she's scads older than I)
A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Salesperson in a Wholesale Sporting Goods Store
2. Office Manager in a lumber yard
3. Diswasher and short order grill cook
4. Assoc Chemist in a research and development Lab
B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Twister
2. Dances With Wolves
3. Murphy's Romance
4. American President
C) Four places I have lived:
1. Where I currently reside, next door to the "nightmare on Elm St."
2. Huge Victorian near a city park in Area 52
3. Small starter ranch on a tree lined Lane
4. Huge, super huge, house on a mid sized lake in Area 52
D) Four television shows I watch:
1. Criminal Minds
2. Lost
3. Jeopardy
4. Numb3rs
E) Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Intercourse, Penn (just had to list that one)
2. San Francisco (my favorite big city )
3. Ludington, Michigan (absolutely the best vacation site ever)
4. Disney Land
F) Websites I visit daily:
1. my email
2. Yahoo Weather
3. Babble from Babbler
4. Yahoo Crosswords
G) Four of my favorite foods:
1. Mi Pueblo Nachos Grande Beef
2. Steak
3. My wife's cooking, specifically her fried chicken, chocolate sheet cake
4. Breyer's vanilla bean Ice Cream
H) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Somewhere warm, maybe Tahiti
2. In bed
3. On the couch
4. In the country
There was one more that I refuse to answer due the fact that I might incriminate myself:
1. Jennifer O'Neill
2. Jacilyn Smith
3. Jennifer Aniston
4. Sophia Loren (even if she's scads older than I)
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Fall Blogger's Block
It's fall. Here in Area 52, the leaves are rapidly turning their beautiful fall colors, the days are getting shorter, and the weather is changing. Today, we had our first sighting of snow, and it's only October 12. I wonder what Columbus felt when he landed in America if the weather was like this!!
I have also noticed that my fellow bloggers that I try to read daily or at least semi-regularly, are way behind on their blogs, as am I. Maybe no one has anything worth writing right now, or are too busy. I just think it's strange that several of us are having a hard time or less energy to write. Oh well, tomorrow is another day and maybe I will have just the inspiration to write. But for now, a good book, a quilt and a soft pillow sounds like a plan.
JE
I have also noticed that my fellow bloggers that I try to read daily or at least semi-regularly, are way behind on their blogs, as am I. Maybe no one has anything worth writing right now, or are too busy. I just think it's strange that several of us are having a hard time or less energy to write. Oh well, tomorrow is another day and maybe I will have just the inspiration to write. But for now, a good book, a quilt and a soft pillow sounds like a plan.
JE
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
What a "Crap" Week
This week has been total "crap." I haven't blogged recently due to the fact that I haven't had much of interest going on.
Two weeks ago I had dental surgery. Big woo! I had two teeth extracted by surgery. It hurt like hell for a couple of days, but the la la drugs the surgeon gave me helped with that. As a matter of fact, they helped me so well, I missed an extra day of school. Now I am waiting for the holes to heal, then I have to have a partial plate made with some false teeth. This will go well with the hearing aid and glasses I already wear. Growing old isn't for the weak, let me tell you.
At school, we are taking the tests required by the state here in Area 52. I helped administer these tests to my merry band of sixth graders who already struggle with learning. That's why I am there. Anyway, some of them really tried, but some didn't give a shit, refused to listen to our instructions, or even try to work through to get the correct answers. Thus making the lead teacher's job as well as mine doubly hard. It is now when I would like to call the head honcho of our state's board of education into the classroom and let her figure out how the hell we are to get our test scores up when we have students who simply aren't capable of doing the work required. No wonder Area 52's test scores are in the commode! I am still wondering how these 6th graders got to 6th grade and can't read other than simple words, and do not know their multiplication tables. Come on!
While I am bitching, my arthritis in my right hip is really hurting. The weather here is cold and damp and that aggravates it even worse. I am developing it in my feet now. Toes and ankles hurt all the time. I drive a county transit bus in the afternoons daily after school, and I had to ask my manager for a bus with automatic doors so I don't have to climb in and out all the time. That's another bummer.
My church has been under renovations for several months. The building has been such a mess that we have been meeting in the auditorium of the school where I spend 5 days a week already. I haven't been going! That's so not like me. But my heart just isn't in it. Our new building is about ready, and the building committee keeps dangling the carrot, but delaying opening up our new facility. They want everyone to be WOWed on the first Sunday in our new building, so they think everything has to be perfect. My church choir, which is where most of my "church energy and love" is, has yet to begin their fall practicing due to lack of space to practice. So I don't have that to look forward to. The quartets I sing in have been practicing sporadically, and I miss that, too.
On top of that, my garage is a mess, and I can't get my car in. I need to spend a day finding a place for the stuff Professor didn't take with her to MT, put away my junk that I have just set any old place all summer long, and get it cleaned out and tidied. But after working until about 7 every evening, I am not in the mood to clean the damn garage.
Speaking of Professor, next Tuesday the 26th is her BD. It will be the first one we have not celebrated with her in person. I UPSed her gifts to her today. Lots of stuff I would like to share with her but can't, and dammit, I am just homesick. She has been such a dynamic part of our lives for so long, and I miss her terribly.
So, now that I have griped, bitched and complained for several paragraphs, I will bid you all adieu. Tomorrow is another day and is bound to be better.
Two weeks ago I had dental surgery. Big woo! I had two teeth extracted by surgery. It hurt like hell for a couple of days, but the la la drugs the surgeon gave me helped with that. As a matter of fact, they helped me so well, I missed an extra day of school. Now I am waiting for the holes to heal, then I have to have a partial plate made with some false teeth. This will go well with the hearing aid and glasses I already wear. Growing old isn't for the weak, let me tell you.
At school, we are taking the tests required by the state here in Area 52. I helped administer these tests to my merry band of sixth graders who already struggle with learning. That's why I am there. Anyway, some of them really tried, but some didn't give a shit, refused to listen to our instructions, or even try to work through to get the correct answers. Thus making the lead teacher's job as well as mine doubly hard. It is now when I would like to call the head honcho of our state's board of education into the classroom and let her figure out how the hell we are to get our test scores up when we have students who simply aren't capable of doing the work required. No wonder Area 52's test scores are in the commode! I am still wondering how these 6th graders got to 6th grade and can't read other than simple words, and do not know their multiplication tables. Come on!
While I am bitching, my arthritis in my right hip is really hurting. The weather here is cold and damp and that aggravates it even worse. I am developing it in my feet now. Toes and ankles hurt all the time. I drive a county transit bus in the afternoons daily after school, and I had to ask my manager for a bus with automatic doors so I don't have to climb in and out all the time. That's another bummer.
My church has been under renovations for several months. The building has been such a mess that we have been meeting in the auditorium of the school where I spend 5 days a week already. I haven't been going! That's so not like me. But my heart just isn't in it. Our new building is about ready, and the building committee keeps dangling the carrot, but delaying opening up our new facility. They want everyone to be WOWed on the first Sunday in our new building, so they think everything has to be perfect. My church choir, which is where most of my "church energy and love" is, has yet to begin their fall practicing due to lack of space to practice. So I don't have that to look forward to. The quartets I sing in have been practicing sporadically, and I miss that, too.
On top of that, my garage is a mess, and I can't get my car in. I need to spend a day finding a place for the stuff Professor didn't take with her to MT, put away my junk that I have just set any old place all summer long, and get it cleaned out and tidied. But after working until about 7 every evening, I am not in the mood to clean the damn garage.
Speaking of Professor, next Tuesday the 26th is her BD. It will be the first one we have not celebrated with her in person. I UPSed her gifts to her today. Lots of stuff I would like to share with her but can't, and dammit, I am just homesick. She has been such a dynamic part of our lives for so long, and I miss her terribly.
So, now that I have griped, bitched and complained for several paragraphs, I will bid you all adieu. Tomorrow is another day and is bound to be better.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
I was tagged! It's about me- of course!
Professor tagged me with this meme. So, here it is!
1. Do you still have tonsils? – No: taken out on my 5th birthday.
2. Would you bungee jump? – Are you nuts? My luck would be that the cord would be too long for my slightly pudgy body and I would be just a grease spot on the ground!!
3. If You Could Do Anything In The World For A Living What Would It Be? – Be a matress tester LOL, or be a real teacher instead of a overworked, underpaid teaching assistant.
4. How many tattoos do you have? – 0. Good grief! Being numbed for a two-tooth extraction was bad enough. Why would I let some guy that looks like a geek stab me with electric needles about 10, 000 times and imbed my skin with some man made ink that contains who-knows what toxins!! Get real!
Your favorite fictional animal? – Black Beauty, My Friend Flicka and Lassie.
6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? –My friend Lauri! She's a singing buddy, mother of 2 and has the quickest wit and keenest sense of humor of anyone else I know.
7. Do you consider yourself well organized? – Look at my wood shop and then ask that question. Shit no!
8. Any Addictions? – yes- singing, chocolate, and books.
9. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? – CNN and local TV, but, hell, I work two jobs daily and have to sleep sometime, so when do I have time to catch the news. Jeopardy is more important!
10. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? – Neither! Carnivals are too loud and circuses stink.
11. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? – At 12 probably a cowboy. Do you all realize how many years ago that was?
12. Best Movie You've Seen This Year? – Ransom
13. Favorite alcoholic drink – Margarita on the rocks, with salted rim. Or Coors Silver Bullet.
14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? – hit snooze. Once, then go pee.
15. Siblings? – One bro . A fine human being. Older and wiser than me.
17. Have you ever gone to therapy? – No. I teach 12,13 and 14 year-olds. Why would I need therapy. They are very good at pointing out all my bad points.
18. If you could have one super power what would it be? – Visiting with the dead.
19. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? – No, I don't think so! What the hell is Ikea, anyhow?
20. Have you ever gone camping? – Yes. Used to camp a lot when single. Went on a three week camping trip with 5 in a fold out camper. Enough!
21. Gas prices! First thought? – Fu--ing Commies in D.C!
22. Your favorite cartoon character? – Wiley Coyote
23. What was your first car? – 1954 Plymouth Savoy. Green: wouldn't start if the temp was below 32 degrees F.
24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? – no. It has worked for me for over 37 years. It just takes a lot of work daily on the part of both people. Lots are not willing to work at it. Divorce is too easy to get. That's the outdated ritual!
25. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons? – Yuck! Neither one! Cosby is a favorite as a stand-up, but his show sucked!
26. Do you go to church? Every Sunday (almost)
27. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? – Anwar Sadat(if he was still with us), Jennifer O'Neill, Billy Joel
28. What errand/chore do you despise? – grocery shopping, cutting grass.
29. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? – Is it Saturday yet?
30. Last time you puked from drinking? – I was 21, passed out in someone's yard, my Bro found me took me home and put me to bed. I awoke next afternoon.
31. What is your heritage? – Irish, and German
32. Favorite flower? – Zennias
33. Disney or Warner Bros? – Disney
34. What is your best childhood memory? – I have many, but the willingness of my parents to let my bro and I have our firends to the house for swimming parties in summer, ice skating and sledding parties in winter is one of the best. My mom actually would make gallons of hot chocolate and we would roast hot dogs and marshmallows in the fire place. Also Christmases at Grandpa's house with all the cousins.
35. Your favorite potato chip? – Lay's Matsterpiece BBQ
36. What is your favorite candy? – chcoclate
37. Do you burn or tan? – BURN
38. Astrological sign? – Taurus
39. Do you own a gun? – Did, but gave it to my son.
40. What do you think of hot dogs? Roasted over an open fire! GREAT!
I don't wish to tag anyone right now. Let me think on it a while. Most of the bloggers I read have already been tagged.
Professor tagged me with this meme. So, here it is!
1. Do you still have tonsils? – No: taken out on my 5th birthday.
2. Would you bungee jump? – Are you nuts? My luck would be that the cord would be too long for my slightly pudgy body and I would be just a grease spot on the ground!!
3. If You Could Do Anything In The World For A Living What Would It Be? – Be a matress tester LOL, or be a real teacher instead of a overworked, underpaid teaching assistant.
4. How many tattoos do you have? – 0. Good grief! Being numbed for a two-tooth extraction was bad enough. Why would I let some guy that looks like a geek stab me with electric needles about 10, 000 times and imbed my skin with some man made ink that contains who-knows what toxins!! Get real!
Your favorite fictional animal? – Black Beauty, My Friend Flicka and Lassie.
6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? –My friend Lauri! She's a singing buddy, mother of 2 and has the quickest wit and keenest sense of humor of anyone else I know.
7. Do you consider yourself well organized? – Look at my wood shop and then ask that question. Shit no!
8. Any Addictions? – yes- singing, chocolate, and books.
9. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? – CNN and local TV, but, hell, I work two jobs daily and have to sleep sometime, so when do I have time to catch the news. Jeopardy is more important!
10. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? – Neither! Carnivals are too loud and circuses stink.
11. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? – At 12 probably a cowboy. Do you all realize how many years ago that was?
12. Best Movie You've Seen This Year? – Ransom
13. Favorite alcoholic drink – Margarita on the rocks, with salted rim. Or Coors Silver Bullet.
14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? – hit snooze. Once, then go pee.
15. Siblings? – One bro . A fine human being. Older and wiser than me.
17. Have you ever gone to therapy? – No. I teach 12,13 and 14 year-olds. Why would I need therapy. They are very good at pointing out all my bad points.
18. If you could have one super power what would it be? – Visiting with the dead.
19. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? – No, I don't think so! What the hell is Ikea, anyhow?
20. Have you ever gone camping? – Yes. Used to camp a lot when single. Went on a three week camping trip with 5 in a fold out camper. Enough!
21. Gas prices! First thought? – Fu--ing Commies in D.C!
22. Your favorite cartoon character? – Wiley Coyote
23. What was your first car? – 1954 Plymouth Savoy. Green: wouldn't start if the temp was below 32 degrees F.
24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? – no. It has worked for me for over 37 years. It just takes a lot of work daily on the part of both people. Lots are not willing to work at it. Divorce is too easy to get. That's the outdated ritual!
25. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons? – Yuck! Neither one! Cosby is a favorite as a stand-up, but his show sucked!
26. Do you go to church? Every Sunday (almost)
27. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? – Anwar Sadat(if he was still with us), Jennifer O'Neill, Billy Joel
28. What errand/chore do you despise? – grocery shopping, cutting grass.
29. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? – Is it Saturday yet?
30. Last time you puked from drinking? – I was 21, passed out in someone's yard, my Bro found me took me home and put me to bed. I awoke next afternoon.
31. What is your heritage? – Irish, and German
32. Favorite flower? – Zennias
33. Disney or Warner Bros? – Disney
34. What is your best childhood memory? – I have many, but the willingness of my parents to let my bro and I have our firends to the house for swimming parties in summer, ice skating and sledding parties in winter is one of the best. My mom actually would make gallons of hot chocolate and we would roast hot dogs and marshmallows in the fire place. Also Christmases at Grandpa's house with all the cousins.
35. Your favorite potato chip? – Lay's Matsterpiece BBQ
36. What is your favorite candy? – chcoclate
37. Do you burn or tan? – BURN
38. Astrological sign? – Taurus
39. Do you own a gun? – Did, but gave it to my son.
40. What do you think of hot dogs? Roasted over an open fire! GREAT!
I don't wish to tag anyone right now. Let me think on it a while. Most of the bloggers I read have already been tagged.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
My Heroes
In today’s world, heroes aren’t what they used to be. Today, famous people who make millions and live in the height of luxury are the people our young citizens are looking up to as heroes. I have no doubt that actors, rock stars and pro athletes are fine people. But heroes: not a chance.
These are not the people that I want my grandson to consider as heroes. I want him to realize who the real American heroes are.
The real heroes are the doctors and nurses who study for years to become experts in their fields, and then give of themselves so unselfishly to save the lives of many.
The real heroes are the countless men and women who serve their country in the military, sacrificing themselves so we might live free.
The real heroes are the farmers who toil hours on end in all kinds of weather in order to provide food for our nation and for others in the world who are starving.
The real heroes are the firemen, EMT's and police, who put themselves in harm’s way to protect us from both natural and man-made dangers.
The real heroes are the teachers who spend countless hours in the classrooms of America’s schools educating our young people. They often do this for below-standard pay in below-standard conditions, yet they persevere, knowing the reward of seeing our nation’s young people fulfill their thirst for knowledge.
The real heroes are the religious leaders of this country who faithfully bring the word of God to people, giving even the downtrodden a glimmer of hope.
The real heroes are the staff members in nursing homes and retirement centers that strive daily to make the final years of our older Americans as pleasant and comfortable as possible.
Yes, these are the real heroes of the American people. They do not live in mansions or in extreme luxury; they are regular people who just make a difference.
In today’s world, heroes aren’t what they used to be. Today, famous people who make millions and live in the height of luxury are the people our young citizens are looking up to as heroes. I have no doubt that actors, rock stars and pro athletes are fine people. But heroes: not a chance.
These are not the people that I want my grandson to consider as heroes. I want him to realize who the real American heroes are.
The real heroes are the doctors and nurses who study for years to become experts in their fields, and then give of themselves so unselfishly to save the lives of many.
The real heroes are the countless men and women who serve their country in the military, sacrificing themselves so we might live free.
The real heroes are the farmers who toil hours on end in all kinds of weather in order to provide food for our nation and for others in the world who are starving.
The real heroes are the firemen, EMT's and police, who put themselves in harm’s way to protect us from both natural and man-made dangers.
The real heroes are the teachers who spend countless hours in the classrooms of America’s schools educating our young people. They often do this for below-standard pay in below-standard conditions, yet they persevere, knowing the reward of seeing our nation’s young people fulfill their thirst for knowledge.
The real heroes are the religious leaders of this country who faithfully bring the word of God to people, giving even the downtrodden a glimmer of hope.
The real heroes are the staff members in nursing homes and retirement centers that strive daily to make the final years of our older Americans as pleasant and comfortable as possible.
Yes, these are the real heroes of the American people. They do not live in mansions or in extreme luxury; they are regular people who just make a difference.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
The Rite of Passing
We hear a lot and read a lot about "rites of passage" such as puberty, teen dating etc. but I am talking about "the rite of passing." Or our bizarre way of dealing with the death of a loved one.
From what I have read recently, the Eskimos used to set their loved ones on an ice floe at their death and release them to the elements. This goes along with the "back to nature, ashes to ashes, dust to dust" concept. Vikings set their dead afloat in their boats after igniting the boat into flames. Some tribes of Native Americans built platforms high off the ground, placed their dead, and some of the items them might need in the next life, upon the platform and offered their loved ones up to the Great Spirit. Aside from the stench that must occur for a while, this doesn't seem like a bad plan either. But environmentalists would bust a gut!
Our society, at least here in Area 52, has a rather bizarre and what I consider somewhat barbaric rite of passing. State and federal laws mandate just what can be done with a dead body now days. I have a good buddy in the funeral home business, and I sincerely mean him no disrespect, but I just don't buy into all the fladerah that goes with buring our dead. Do you know that the average cost of a funeral here in Area 52 is upwards of $6000 now?
Upon death, we remove the blood from our loved ones while filling them with some sort of preserving fluid. Then we make them look as natural as possible with cosmetics, dress them in their Sunday best, place them in a $2000 coffin (low end cost, probably) flank them with flowers, and then parade all the family and friends past their coffin forcing them to look at someone who can't look back. How strange is this!!! I don't sleep in a suit, nor do I ever even lay down in a suit. Nor do I know anyone who does. This is just plain weird!
Funeral services are becoming status symbols all over America. What's wrong with a small graveside service with a few scriptures, a song or two and then it's over. I have attended this kind of service, and I have attended the kind of service where it seemed like a staged, musical production. Both got the dead buried, but the first one seemed more personal and caring. Both provided closure for the families left behind, but the first one left more time for conversation with the family and friends. Again it's a personal choice.
Burying a body in a sealed coffin, inside a sealed vault six feet underground seems offensive to me, but sticking the coffin in a hole in a wall is worse. There is something about mausoleums that freaks me out. Maybe I am afraid that the ghost of the dead will be able to get free easier and come back to haunt. And in Area 52 it is illegal to spread the ashes of a loved one at their favorite locale, so we either have to bury them or place them on the mantel. UGH! My buddy says that if one is "hell bent" on spreading ashes, just do it and keep your mouth shut!
There is another way to dispose of ashes that is coming to the forefront. Since the ashes of a human are mostly carbon, there is a new process whereby the deceased ashes can be compressed under extreme pressure and made into a diamond. I kid you not!!! During a recent conversation, a friend suggested to her husband that he gain a little weight, because she wanted earrings and a pendant. Tilly is opting for a ring.
I hope I haven't offended anyone with this rambling treatise, but I felt like venting about a subject that just offends me. I have no concrete answers, and I also know that once I am gone, only my body is left. My spirit will be elsewhere. What my family choses to do with me is their choice, not mine, though I have expressed a few ideas along the way. I hope Tilly chooses a platinum setting. I never cared much for gold or silver. And I'm worth it!
We hear a lot and read a lot about "rites of passage" such as puberty, teen dating etc. but I am talking about "the rite of passing." Or our bizarre way of dealing with the death of a loved one.
From what I have read recently, the Eskimos used to set their loved ones on an ice floe at their death and release them to the elements. This goes along with the "back to nature, ashes to ashes, dust to dust" concept. Vikings set their dead afloat in their boats after igniting the boat into flames. Some tribes of Native Americans built platforms high off the ground, placed their dead, and some of the items them might need in the next life, upon the platform and offered their loved ones up to the Great Spirit. Aside from the stench that must occur for a while, this doesn't seem like a bad plan either. But environmentalists would bust a gut!
Our society, at least here in Area 52, has a rather bizarre and what I consider somewhat barbaric rite of passing. State and federal laws mandate just what can be done with a dead body now days. I have a good buddy in the funeral home business, and I sincerely mean him no disrespect, but I just don't buy into all the fladerah that goes with buring our dead. Do you know that the average cost of a funeral here in Area 52 is upwards of $6000 now?
Upon death, we remove the blood from our loved ones while filling them with some sort of preserving fluid. Then we make them look as natural as possible with cosmetics, dress them in their Sunday best, place them in a $2000 coffin (low end cost, probably) flank them with flowers, and then parade all the family and friends past their coffin forcing them to look at someone who can't look back. How strange is this!!! I don't sleep in a suit, nor do I ever even lay down in a suit. Nor do I know anyone who does. This is just plain weird!
Funeral services are becoming status symbols all over America. What's wrong with a small graveside service with a few scriptures, a song or two and then it's over. I have attended this kind of service, and I have attended the kind of service where it seemed like a staged, musical production. Both got the dead buried, but the first one seemed more personal and caring. Both provided closure for the families left behind, but the first one left more time for conversation with the family and friends. Again it's a personal choice.
Burying a body in a sealed coffin, inside a sealed vault six feet underground seems offensive to me, but sticking the coffin in a hole in a wall is worse. There is something about mausoleums that freaks me out. Maybe I am afraid that the ghost of the dead will be able to get free easier and come back to haunt. And in Area 52 it is illegal to spread the ashes of a loved one at their favorite locale, so we either have to bury them or place them on the mantel. UGH! My buddy says that if one is "hell bent" on spreading ashes, just do it and keep your mouth shut!
There is another way to dispose of ashes that is coming to the forefront. Since the ashes of a human are mostly carbon, there is a new process whereby the deceased ashes can be compressed under extreme pressure and made into a diamond. I kid you not!!! During a recent conversation, a friend suggested to her husband that he gain a little weight, because she wanted earrings and a pendant. Tilly is opting for a ring.
I hope I haven't offended anyone with this rambling treatise, but I felt like venting about a subject that just offends me. I have no concrete answers, and I also know that once I am gone, only my body is left. My spirit will be elsewhere. What my family choses to do with me is their choice, not mine, though I have expressed a few ideas along the way. I hope Tilly chooses a platinum setting. I never cared much for gold or silver. And I'm worth it!
Friday, August 18, 2006
It's Okay to Feel Sad
Today I feel sad. I feel sad for my son and his wife. They found out that their baby is gone. They went in hoping to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time, only to have those hopes dashed.
What do I say to them? I can say that Tilly and I have been there, and can sympathize, but do they really want to hear that? No, I don't think so. I can say that it isn't anything they did, but they know that already. I can encourage them to try again when the time is right. They will, I know! But right now all I really want to do is hold them both close and cry with them for a while. I want them to both know that they are loved. That even though it may not seem like it now, God is holding them in the palm of His hand. That tomorrow will seem brighter just because it holds the promise of the future. God bless them both!
Today I feel sad. I feel sad for my son and his wife. They found out that their baby is gone. They went in hoping to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time, only to have those hopes dashed.
What do I say to them? I can say that Tilly and I have been there, and can sympathize, but do they really want to hear that? No, I don't think so. I can say that it isn't anything they did, but they know that already. I can encourage them to try again when the time is right. They will, I know! But right now all I really want to do is hold them both close and cry with them for a while. I want them to both know that they are loved. That even though it may not seem like it now, God is holding them in the palm of His hand. That tomorrow will seem brighter just because it holds the promise of the future. God bless them both!
Back to School
This week it was "back to school" for me. After a summer of transit driving, dispatching, and the wearing of many hats, I was looking forward to getting back into the classroom. I was a bit apprehensive because not only were we getting a new principal and assistant principal, we were getting a new "special education" staff. I was uneasy about how our routines would be changed. But I needed not have worried. The new administration is caring and proactive, which is a big change for all of us. They are believers in "gentle, but firm" dicipline, and are very much available and visible to us all. The new "special ed" leaders are great! They are full of new, innovative ideas and eager to hear our input and willing to listen.
But the real icing on the cake is the students. They are amazing! I am working primarily with 7th graders, but have two classes of 6th graders, too. The sixth grade students are so eager. They seem enthralled with each new thing the lead teacher and I try in the classroom. Hands are shooting up with eagerness and the smiles I am seeing on their faces just makes the whole classroom experience worth all the effort we as teachers put into our jobs.
Much the same thing is happening with my 7th graders. They come to our classes prepared to learn and seem to be challenging us to teach them. Of course, we always have a few who like to create havoc within the classroom, but both the lead teacher and I have already warned them that we do not intend to put up with their "crap" and expect them to act their age and grade level. So far it is working. This afternoon I walked the 8th grade hallway, curiously observing the students I worked with last year. I saw amazing things happening in the classroom as I slowly (on purpose) strolled by each door. It seems like a magic cloud has decended on our school. At first I could not put a finger on just what is happening, but today it finally hit me. Our staff is more caring and relaxed than they have been in several years. The last two years were pure hell for all of us. Our principal had a monster ego, which in turn, made him into a monster! He was the final and only "word" and we all felt like we were under a microscope. He was more of a dictator than an administrator, and created an animosity that prevailed within the school, reflecting not only on the faculty and staff, but had to be affecting the students as well.
Isn't it strange how one person can either make or break a system, whether it is education, or business. We are all so lucky to have new people at the helm who care and want the best for our kids. It makes it fun to go to work. I no longer dread hearing the alarm go off in the mornings, for I know I will encounter smiles from my students and encouraging words from my peers. GO US!!!
This week it was "back to school" for me. After a summer of transit driving, dispatching, and the wearing of many hats, I was looking forward to getting back into the classroom. I was a bit apprehensive because not only were we getting a new principal and assistant principal, we were getting a new "special education" staff. I was uneasy about how our routines would be changed. But I needed not have worried. The new administration is caring and proactive, which is a big change for all of us. They are believers in "gentle, but firm" dicipline, and are very much available and visible to us all. The new "special ed" leaders are great! They are full of new, innovative ideas and eager to hear our input and willing to listen.
But the real icing on the cake is the students. They are amazing! I am working primarily with 7th graders, but have two classes of 6th graders, too. The sixth grade students are so eager. They seem enthralled with each new thing the lead teacher and I try in the classroom. Hands are shooting up with eagerness and the smiles I am seeing on their faces just makes the whole classroom experience worth all the effort we as teachers put into our jobs.
Much the same thing is happening with my 7th graders. They come to our classes prepared to learn and seem to be challenging us to teach them. Of course, we always have a few who like to create havoc within the classroom, but both the lead teacher and I have already warned them that we do not intend to put up with their "crap" and expect them to act their age and grade level. So far it is working. This afternoon I walked the 8th grade hallway, curiously observing the students I worked with last year. I saw amazing things happening in the classroom as I slowly (on purpose) strolled by each door. It seems like a magic cloud has decended on our school. At first I could not put a finger on just what is happening, but today it finally hit me. Our staff is more caring and relaxed than they have been in several years. The last two years were pure hell for all of us. Our principal had a monster ego, which in turn, made him into a monster! He was the final and only "word" and we all felt like we were under a microscope. He was more of a dictator than an administrator, and created an animosity that prevailed within the school, reflecting not only on the faculty and staff, but had to be affecting the students as well.
Isn't it strange how one person can either make or break a system, whether it is education, or business. We are all so lucky to have new people at the helm who care and want the best for our kids. It makes it fun to go to work. I no longer dread hearing the alarm go off in the mornings, for I know I will encounter smiles from my students and encouraging words from my peers. GO US!!!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Tiaras, Tatonka and More Damn Driving!
Prof just called and she is in Dickinson, ND. She had an eventful day of tooling down interstate 94. She wore her tiara and jammed to Mellencamp as she drove. Slowing for every herd of cattle because someone told her that there might be buffalo ('Tatonka) on the range there. But, alas, no Tatonka. At a pee stop she asked the clerk where she might see buffalo, and found out that they are all on reserves, because they are coming back from being endangered. Interesting! As she traveled down I 94, she was on a section called the "Laura Ingalls Wilder" expressway. This was in Minnesota, and after crossing into ND, it became the "Enchanted Highway" which she found profoundly ironic since by then she was wearing her tiara. (An aside here, her mother and I actually bought the tiara for her for Christmas last year, and I made a jewel studded, velvet lined box for it.)
Reaching Bismarck, she stopped for a much needed rest stop, and got turned around when getting back on I 94, and headed back east; twice. Finally she found out that to get back on going west, you had to cross a Burger King parking lot, through a storage complex driveway, up a big "fu--ing hill, and turn right to the on ramp. She wondered why everyone in the parking lot at the gas station looked at her funny as she walked across the lot, and discovered looking in the glass windows of the store that she still had on her tiara. She immediately hurried back to the car and took it off.
Between Fargo and Bismarck, there was a iron sculpture of geese, just sitting in a big field in the middle of nowhere. She stopped to take a picture of it. Seven cars passed by while she was stopped, all eyes on her with her camera, and, you guessed it, the tiara.
Tilly and I suggested that she not wear the tiara into the town where she will be teaching. They might think one of two things. One, she is weird, or two, she is the new rodeo queen! She opted for "rodeo queen." Being a member of royalty has always been a desire of hers.!!!
Vistiting a Wal-Mart in Bismarck was about the highlight of her day. Buying a liter of shampoo and then finding a place to put it in the car, was a challenge. But, tomorrow night, she will be at her destination. Be sure to read "redneck nerdboy's" entry on her blog about the "pimped out" guy on the interstate. And the Starbucks attack in Fargo. Both a hoot!
Oh, she had to stop due to rain and hail in West Fargo, and twenty minutes later heard on the radio that a tornado touched down where she had just been stopped. She decided she was definitely "not in Kansas anymore, Toto!"
Check in with lilith. I think she's the next guest blogger.
Keep reading, this is THE adventure of Prof's life!
JE
Prof just called and she is in Dickinson, ND. She had an eventful day of tooling down interstate 94. She wore her tiara and jammed to Mellencamp as she drove. Slowing for every herd of cattle because someone told her that there might be buffalo ('Tatonka) on the range there. But, alas, no Tatonka. At a pee stop she asked the clerk where she might see buffalo, and found out that they are all on reserves, because they are coming back from being endangered. Interesting! As she traveled down I 94, she was on a section called the "Laura Ingalls Wilder" expressway. This was in Minnesota, and after crossing into ND, it became the "Enchanted Highway" which she found profoundly ironic since by then she was wearing her tiara. (An aside here, her mother and I actually bought the tiara for her for Christmas last year, and I made a jewel studded, velvet lined box for it.)
Reaching Bismarck, she stopped for a much needed rest stop, and got turned around when getting back on I 94, and headed back east; twice. Finally she found out that to get back on going west, you had to cross a Burger King parking lot, through a storage complex driveway, up a big "fu--ing hill, and turn right to the on ramp. She wondered why everyone in the parking lot at the gas station looked at her funny as she walked across the lot, and discovered looking in the glass windows of the store that she still had on her tiara. She immediately hurried back to the car and took it off.
Between Fargo and Bismarck, there was a iron sculpture of geese, just sitting in a big field in the middle of nowhere. She stopped to take a picture of it. Seven cars passed by while she was stopped, all eyes on her with her camera, and, you guessed it, the tiara.
Tilly and I suggested that she not wear the tiara into the town where she will be teaching. They might think one of two things. One, she is weird, or two, she is the new rodeo queen! She opted for "rodeo queen." Being a member of royalty has always been a desire of hers.!!!
Vistiting a Wal-Mart in Bismarck was about the highlight of her day. Buying a liter of shampoo and then finding a place to put it in the car, was a challenge. But, tomorrow night, she will be at her destination. Be sure to read "redneck nerdboy's" entry on her blog about the "pimped out" guy on the interstate. And the Starbucks attack in Fargo. Both a hoot!
Oh, she had to stop due to rain and hail in West Fargo, and twenty minutes later heard on the radio that a tornado touched down where she had just been stopped. She decided she was definitely "not in Kansas anymore, Toto!"
Check in with lilith. I think she's the next guest blogger.
Keep reading, this is THE adventure of Prof's life!
JE
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Day One of Prof's Travels
Well people, she is finally out of here! We got everything packed last night, but she was still adding to the already filled automobile still this morning. After many hugs, kisses, and tears, she began her journey. About 3 hours later than I anticipated she would, but any of you that know Prof, know that she walks to the tune of her own drummer.
This morning at 1:00 AM, she discovered that we hadn't packed her "Beatles" picture. Her words were, "I am not going without John, George, Ringo, and Paul." Now bear in mind that this is a framed, glassed, picture that measures approximately 30"x36". I could not see how this was going to fit, but I told her to bring it on. We slid, repacked part of her 40 pairs of shoes, and 20 purses, and wedged it in the backseat covered with a sheet. So she was again at peace with the world.
She will call when ever she changes states, and probably in between, and I know some of you are going to post her progress. I will continue to share, but from a parent's point of view, and keep you updated. So tune in. She has now been gone about 1 hour!
JE
Well people, she is finally out of here! We got everything packed last night, but she was still adding to the already filled automobile still this morning. After many hugs, kisses, and tears, she began her journey. About 3 hours later than I anticipated she would, but any of you that know Prof, know that she walks to the tune of her own drummer.
This morning at 1:00 AM, she discovered that we hadn't packed her "Beatles" picture. Her words were, "I am not going without John, George, Ringo, and Paul." Now bear in mind that this is a framed, glassed, picture that measures approximately 30"x36". I could not see how this was going to fit, but I told her to bring it on. We slid, repacked part of her 40 pairs of shoes, and 20 purses, and wedged it in the backseat covered with a sheet. So she was again at peace with the world.
She will call when ever she changes states, and probably in between, and I know some of you are going to post her progress. I will continue to share, but from a parent's point of view, and keep you updated. So tune in. She has now been gone about 1 hour!
JE
Thursday, August 03, 2006
First of Several Updates
As you all know by now, Professor is moving to MONTANA. Today was the last day on her present job. Her laptop was compliments of that job while she was employed there as was her cell phone. Tonight she is both computerless and phoneless. I bet she feels like someone cut off all of her fingers and both ears. LOL.
Tomorrow she has that bit of minor surgery she blogged about earlier in the week. I think that anytime the word "surgery" is used, it is not MINOR, but she seems brave and didn't even think Mom or Dad needed to be there. A friend is going to be there to cheer her on and stay with her. Said friend and "he who is without shirt" will pack up her car at the "frat" house for her on Friday night or Saturday morning. She will arrive at our house Saturday sometime. She intends to sort thru some stuff here and get ready to pack up her car while she is recuperating. Since after this "minor" surgery thingy, she is not allowed to lift over 10 pounds, I'm sure I will get to move boxes from point A to point B for her to sort thru. That is fine with me. I want to help any way I can. Mom is worried that Prof won't have enough to eat or money to buy food when she arrives in MONTANA so she is cleaning out our pantry and we will try squeezing non-perishable food and cleaning items into every conceivible crook and cranny in Prof's POS Malibu.
Now, if you want to hear something weird, Prof's ex husband (divorced 10 years now) offered to come to our house on Tuesday evening and bring Kiddo, and pack Prof's car for her. I can't imagine him being that nice, but "whatever." Isn't that strange? Then, on Wednesday, she will be off on her new adventure. She said she wasn't leaving at the butt-crack of dawn, but wants to get thru the zoo of Chicago while the rush-hours were not in progress.
She promises that she is buying some sort of cell phone to take along on this trip. She has joined AAA auto club in case she has a problem. I wish I had the money to buy her one of those computerized locators, what ever they are called. I think I should make sure she at least has a compass, don't you?
She also has promised to call every evening, and give me an update on her day and a location, then I am supposed to blog it, so all of you out there in blog cyberspace will be able to keep up. When she arrives at her new home, in WhereinthehellamI, Montana, the school is providing her a new laptop with internet service. Then she will resume posting blogs. I am sure all of you are anxious to read about her teaching experiences, as well as her "adventures in cowboy land." I will rest a lot easier when I know she is no longer traveling, and is safely ensconced in her new home.
So, stay tuned. I will try to keep you up to date as much as possible. Maybe this weekend she will have time to blog between sleeping, eating and packing. Who knows!
I ask all of you to keep her in your thoughts and prayers while she is traveling. Thanks!
JE
As you all know by now, Professor is moving to MONTANA. Today was the last day on her present job. Her laptop was compliments of that job while she was employed there as was her cell phone. Tonight she is both computerless and phoneless. I bet she feels like someone cut off all of her fingers and both ears. LOL.
Tomorrow she has that bit of minor surgery she blogged about earlier in the week. I think that anytime the word "surgery" is used, it is not MINOR, but she seems brave and didn't even think Mom or Dad needed to be there. A friend is going to be there to cheer her on and stay with her. Said friend and "he who is without shirt" will pack up her car at the "frat" house for her on Friday night or Saturday morning. She will arrive at our house Saturday sometime. She intends to sort thru some stuff here and get ready to pack up her car while she is recuperating. Since after this "minor" surgery thingy, she is not allowed to lift over 10 pounds, I'm sure I will get to move boxes from point A to point B for her to sort thru. That is fine with me. I want to help any way I can. Mom is worried that Prof won't have enough to eat or money to buy food when she arrives in MONTANA so she is cleaning out our pantry and we will try squeezing non-perishable food and cleaning items into every conceivible crook and cranny in Prof's POS Malibu.
Now, if you want to hear something weird, Prof's ex husband (divorced 10 years now) offered to come to our house on Tuesday evening and bring Kiddo, and pack Prof's car for her. I can't imagine him being that nice, but "whatever." Isn't that strange? Then, on Wednesday, she will be off on her new adventure. She said she wasn't leaving at the butt-crack of dawn, but wants to get thru the zoo of Chicago while the rush-hours were not in progress.
She promises that she is buying some sort of cell phone to take along on this trip. She has joined AAA auto club in case she has a problem. I wish I had the money to buy her one of those computerized locators, what ever they are called. I think I should make sure she at least has a compass, don't you?
She also has promised to call every evening, and give me an update on her day and a location, then I am supposed to blog it, so all of you out there in blog cyberspace will be able to keep up. When she arrives at her new home, in WhereinthehellamI, Montana, the school is providing her a new laptop with internet service. Then she will resume posting blogs. I am sure all of you are anxious to read about her teaching experiences, as well as her "adventures in cowboy land." I will rest a lot easier when I know she is no longer traveling, and is safely ensconced in her new home.
So, stay tuned. I will try to keep you up to date as much as possible. Maybe this weekend she will have time to blog between sleeping, eating and packing. Who knows!
I ask all of you to keep her in your thoughts and prayers while she is traveling. Thanks!
JE
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
We Asked Ourselves "Why?"
36 years ago today, our first son was born. He never drew a breath. For some reason, his heart just stopped beating during the birth process. He was perfectly formed, weighed 10 pounds and was 22 inches long. Till had a real hard labor due to his size, but all was proceeding normally yet slowly. Suddenly...nothing.
Today marks his 36th birthday. We asked ourselves then why this happened to us. What had we done wrong. The doctors had no answers. No cord problems, everything seemed fine. His heart just stopped. To this day, we still wonder why. These days, there are all kinds of technology to either stop this from happening, or to find out why it happens. Times have really changed.
Today was a hard one. Some years go by and we don't think much about it, but with all the talk about the new grandchild, it brought back those unhappy memories.
I can say that the experience we shared made us stronger and drew us closer. Our pastor at that time told us that these types of experiences can either make or break a marriage. Fortunately, I believe the loss strengthened our marriage. Not only that, it made us cherish our two living children even more. So good did prevail.
So maybe it's time to stop asking "why" and remember all that is good in our lives. We were taught patience and understanding, as well as love. I thank God for that!
36 years ago today, our first son was born. He never drew a breath. For some reason, his heart just stopped beating during the birth process. He was perfectly formed, weighed 10 pounds and was 22 inches long. Till had a real hard labor due to his size, but all was proceeding normally yet slowly. Suddenly...nothing.
Today marks his 36th birthday. We asked ourselves then why this happened to us. What had we done wrong. The doctors had no answers. No cord problems, everything seemed fine. His heart just stopped. To this day, we still wonder why. These days, there are all kinds of technology to either stop this from happening, or to find out why it happens. Times have really changed.
Today was a hard one. Some years go by and we don't think much about it, but with all the talk about the new grandchild, it brought back those unhappy memories.
I can say that the experience we shared made us stronger and drew us closer. Our pastor at that time told us that these types of experiences can either make or break a marriage. Fortunately, I believe the loss strengthened our marriage. Not only that, it made us cherish our two living children even more. So good did prevail.
So maybe it's time to stop asking "why" and remember all that is good in our lives. We were taught patience and understanding, as well as love. I thank God for that!
Sunday, July 30, 2006
The Beginning of Change
Change is coming to the home of Jimmie Earl. As sure as the wind blows out of the west in this part of the nation, change is coming. You all know that Prof is moving to Montana. Well, yesterday she came home and began repacking stuff. She and I labored over many of her 34 boxes of books, sorting and resorting. She has a limited amount of space in her vehicle, so she wants to maximize quality over quanitity...except for her books. She narrowed down the amount of boxes of books to go to Montana to 5. The rest she put in storage, along with personal stuff she had stacked in our garage. I agreed to or maybe insisted that she keep her Christmas decorations here instead of storage. Today, she is sorting stuff upstairs in her room, determining what goes into storage, what stays here and what she can possibly cram into every available corner of her car.
One week and two days, and counting, and she will be leaving. I tell myself as a fellow educator that this is a wonderful opportunity for her. As a father, I tell myself that I can bear to watch her go. Now whether I can convince my inner self of all of this is a different story. I know that she will do a great job teaching high school. I know that she is a mature adult able to take care of herself, and I know she will be okay. I also know that I will miss seeing her. Hopefully she will be here for Thanksgiving and also at Christmas. That's not too long.
So readers, just keep us in your thoughts. It's hard to see children spread their wings, but I sorta consider myself the wind beneath her wings. I want her to soar!
Good luck, and God speed, Prof.
Change is coming to the home of Jimmie Earl. As sure as the wind blows out of the west in this part of the nation, change is coming. You all know that Prof is moving to Montana. Well, yesterday she came home and began repacking stuff. She and I labored over many of her 34 boxes of books, sorting and resorting. She has a limited amount of space in her vehicle, so she wants to maximize quality over quanitity...except for her books. She narrowed down the amount of boxes of books to go to Montana to 5. The rest she put in storage, along with personal stuff she had stacked in our garage. I agreed to or maybe insisted that she keep her Christmas decorations here instead of storage. Today, she is sorting stuff upstairs in her room, determining what goes into storage, what stays here and what she can possibly cram into every available corner of her car.
One week and two days, and counting, and she will be leaving. I tell myself as a fellow educator that this is a wonderful opportunity for her. As a father, I tell myself that I can bear to watch her go. Now whether I can convince my inner self of all of this is a different story. I know that she will do a great job teaching high school. I know that she is a mature adult able to take care of herself, and I know she will be okay. I also know that I will miss seeing her. Hopefully she will be here for Thanksgiving and also at Christmas. That's not too long.
So readers, just keep us in your thoughts. It's hard to see children spread their wings, but I sorta consider myself the wind beneath her wings. I want her to soar!
Good luck, and God speed, Prof.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Remembering Dad
Yesterday was my dad's birthday. He died in 1968 at the age of 52. He was a cancer victim. Sometimes it is hard for me to picture him in my mind anymore. But the things I remember about him are more than just what he looked like.
Dad was an executive. He wore starched white shirts every day. When he was home, he wore long baggy shorts in the summer, and in cold weather he had the ugliest mustard yellow pair of heavy twill pants and a moth eaten brown sweater that he wore when working outside. He loved to garden and I think we had every imaginable tree and plant in our HUGE yard. (I never could mow that yard to suit him.)
Dad loved his family. He was an excellent provider. He exalted Mom and because she was the only woman in the house, he insisted that she be treated with the utmost of respect. The most trouble I ever got into with him was because I "sassed" Mom.
Dad took his faith very seriously. He was a big worker in his church. He gave his tithe and an unending amount of service.
Dad loved his toys. He had a speedboat, then progressed to a pontoon boat on which we partied alot.
Dad loved to fish. Living on a lake gave him ample opportunity to do what he loved. When you couldn't find him, just look on the end of the pier, and there he would sit in his old lawn chair, feet propped on the rail, fishing pole in the water.
Dad loved to entertain. He was an excellent griller, had a grill installed in the family room fireplace, and cooked the best steaks around. He loved having people around.
Dad hated his cancer. He fought like a trouper the whole time he was sick. The last 30 minutes of his life he told his doctor, "what are you going to do now, 'cause this sure as hell isn't working." Then he was gone.
38 years later, I may not recall everything about my dad, but these are the most important things. These are the things I hold near and dear in my heart. Happy Birthday, Dad!
Yesterday was my dad's birthday. He died in 1968 at the age of 52. He was a cancer victim. Sometimes it is hard for me to picture him in my mind anymore. But the things I remember about him are more than just what he looked like.
Dad was an executive. He wore starched white shirts every day. When he was home, he wore long baggy shorts in the summer, and in cold weather he had the ugliest mustard yellow pair of heavy twill pants and a moth eaten brown sweater that he wore when working outside. He loved to garden and I think we had every imaginable tree and plant in our HUGE yard. (I never could mow that yard to suit him.)
Dad loved his family. He was an excellent provider. He exalted Mom and because she was the only woman in the house, he insisted that she be treated with the utmost of respect. The most trouble I ever got into with him was because I "sassed" Mom.
Dad took his faith very seriously. He was a big worker in his church. He gave his tithe and an unending amount of service.
Dad loved his toys. He had a speedboat, then progressed to a pontoon boat on which we partied alot.
Dad loved to fish. Living on a lake gave him ample opportunity to do what he loved. When you couldn't find him, just look on the end of the pier, and there he would sit in his old lawn chair, feet propped on the rail, fishing pole in the water.
Dad loved to entertain. He was an excellent griller, had a grill installed in the family room fireplace, and cooked the best steaks around. He loved having people around.
Dad hated his cancer. He fought like a trouper the whole time he was sick. The last 30 minutes of his life he told his doctor, "what are you going to do now, 'cause this sure as hell isn't working." Then he was gone.
38 years later, I may not recall everything about my dad, but these are the most important things. These are the things I hold near and dear in my heart. Happy Birthday, Dad!
Monday, July 24, 2006
Oh Gosh!!!
I have never been one to get too excited about much. But "OH MY GOSH!" my kids are making me gray before my time. Well, if I had hair it would be gray totally or even white by now. All in a short span, both of our children have thrown me curve balls.
First, Lil Bro, our son and his wife announced that Till and I are going to be grandparents again. It has been 13 years since the last grandchild. I wonder if they still are made the same way. This is their first child and they are almost as thrilled as we are!!!! I perused the garage and located the hand made cradle that we used for our children and Kiddo, and the rocking chair, and the rocking horse and car seat. It's all there awaiting the big arrival. This is so exciting. We decided 13 years ago that the best part about being grandparents is that we can spoil them and send them home. What fun. It's already fun to listen to the two of them talk about names and "how are we going to afford this or that." I sit back and grin and just say that "it will all work out."
Then a day or two later, Professor tells us she is moving to Montana. Now there's a real curve ball. Who in their right mind moves to Montana on purpose? Prof does. She wants to teach, has the opportunity to do so in MONTANA!!! Her biggest class will be 19 students. Oh to have a class of 19 students.
All weekend long we have teased her about being the only one in town that everyone will know before she gets there. Being a single "school marm" in a town of 352 people will be interesting. Every cowboy in a 50 mile radius will be knocking on her door. And she's never been on a horse!!!
So Tilly and I are just sitting back and waiting for all of this to happen. It will be an interesting year for us all. Keep reading, cause the ol' blog will be full of updates from my point of view of what's going on.
I have never been one to get too excited about much. But "OH MY GOSH!" my kids are making me gray before my time. Well, if I had hair it would be gray totally or even white by now. All in a short span, both of our children have thrown me curve balls.
First, Lil Bro, our son and his wife announced that Till and I are going to be grandparents again. It has been 13 years since the last grandchild. I wonder if they still are made the same way. This is their first child and they are almost as thrilled as we are!!!! I perused the garage and located the hand made cradle that we used for our children and Kiddo, and the rocking chair, and the rocking horse and car seat. It's all there awaiting the big arrival. This is so exciting. We decided 13 years ago that the best part about being grandparents is that we can spoil them and send them home. What fun. It's already fun to listen to the two of them talk about names and "how are we going to afford this or that." I sit back and grin and just say that "it will all work out."
Then a day or two later, Professor tells us she is moving to Montana. Now there's a real curve ball. Who in their right mind moves to Montana on purpose? Prof does. She wants to teach, has the opportunity to do so in MONTANA!!! Her biggest class will be 19 students. Oh to have a class of 19 students.
All weekend long we have teased her about being the only one in town that everyone will know before she gets there. Being a single "school marm" in a town of 352 people will be interesting. Every cowboy in a 50 mile radius will be knocking on her door. And she's never been on a horse!!!
So Tilly and I are just sitting back and waiting for all of this to happen. It will be an interesting year for us all. Keep reading, cause the ol' blog will be full of updates from my point of view of what's going on.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Vacations: Heaven or Heck!
Summertime brings thoughts of going on vacation. Tilly and I have had some really good times on vacation, but we've had a few "rough spots" too.
The first trip we ever took was our honeymoon. It was great. All that one could hope for, once we got used to being with each other 24/7. The only glitch was that we decided to go to a "drive-in" movie in a strange state, in a strange city. Don't ask why we decided this, it wouldn't make sense to any of you, but we did. As I remember, "The Wild Bunch" was the movie playing. It was so bad that we decided to leave mid-movie. But... we couldn't find our way out of the theater, so we parked again, and slept until the movie was over, then followed the crowd out of the place!
Traveling with children was and is still an experience in itself. The first trip we took with Professor, at age 3 months, was to eastern Kentucky for Christmas with Tilly's family. She was a good rider then, and the only drawback on this excursion was getting tangled up in traffic in Cincinnati. For 2 hours, we moved ahead one car-length at a time. Prof got hungry, so Mom whips out the baby food jars and feeds her as we are trying to merge. Needless to say, she got her tummy full, and slept the entire last 2 hour leg of the trip, then kept us up most of the night, after we had traveled 9 hours, after working a full day.
The next trip we took was with two children. We went to "Holiday World." No glitches, but we found this quaint Italian restaurant, where the people who ran the place loved the kids. We went back there for every meal while we were there, and were treated like royalty.
The summer we went to Bear Lake near Traverse City, Michigan was a blast. We loaded up the old 9 passenger station wagon with a week's worth of clothes, toys, food, 4 people and a dog. In Grand Rapids we suddenly were besieged with a horrible racket. I pulled over along the freeway and got out and looked under the car. The muffler and entire tailpipe from manifold to rear end was dragging from one bracket. We exited at the next possible place. Lo and behold, there was a muffler shop. I pulled in, went in and poured out my tale of woe to the guy who ran the place. He was ready to close, but agreed to stay open and fix us up. About an hour later, we were on our way, good as new, but $80.00 poorer. I warned him in advance that I would have to write him a check. He took it in good faith, knowing that he would never see us again. We had a blast that week. We rented a friend's small cabin for the week, swam, boated, and ate. Oh yes, when we left the cabin, Tilly accidently left a Wick's sugar cream pie in the freezer. The kids have NEVER let her forget it.
Then there was the trip home from Kentucky where we took a different route than usual, and would be shorter by 15 miles according to Uncle Jay, and I kept missing my exit. Three times we went across the bridge from Ohio back into Kentucky and had to turn around and come back. The forth time was a charm. Both kids were young adults this time, and not only did they laugh their asses off at Dad, they still remind me about it. We got into a snow storm on that trip back in our home state, pulled of at an IHOP, where we belly-laughed thru dinner at the waitress's expense. She spent the entire time we were in the restaurant, with a glob of cole slaw on her face. Had this woman never heard of a mirror?
Since the kids have left home, Tilly and I have vacationed in Michigan at Ludington three or four times. It's a grand little town. It is located on the beautiful coastline of Lake Michigan. It has a wonderful beach and quaint shops and the most beautiful sunsets in the world. The last time we went, I videotaped 45 minutes of sunset, then made Prof and Lil Bro sit and watch it. We wanted to share our vacation with them. Still photos just wouldn't work. The last time I got out that video to watch it, it had been taped over with episodes of "Friends." Who would have done that? I wonder!!!
Summertime brings thoughts of going on vacation. Tilly and I have had some really good times on vacation, but we've had a few "rough spots" too.
The first trip we ever took was our honeymoon. It was great. All that one could hope for, once we got used to being with each other 24/7. The only glitch was that we decided to go to a "drive-in" movie in a strange state, in a strange city. Don't ask why we decided this, it wouldn't make sense to any of you, but we did. As I remember, "The Wild Bunch" was the movie playing. It was so bad that we decided to leave mid-movie. But... we couldn't find our way out of the theater, so we parked again, and slept until the movie was over, then followed the crowd out of the place!
Traveling with children was and is still an experience in itself. The first trip we took with Professor, at age 3 months, was to eastern Kentucky for Christmas with Tilly's family. She was a good rider then, and the only drawback on this excursion was getting tangled up in traffic in Cincinnati. For 2 hours, we moved ahead one car-length at a time. Prof got hungry, so Mom whips out the baby food jars and feeds her as we are trying to merge. Needless to say, she got her tummy full, and slept the entire last 2 hour leg of the trip, then kept us up most of the night, after we had traveled 9 hours, after working a full day.
The next trip we took was with two children. We went to "Holiday World." No glitches, but we found this quaint Italian restaurant, where the people who ran the place loved the kids. We went back there for every meal while we were there, and were treated like royalty.
The summer we went to Bear Lake near Traverse City, Michigan was a blast. We loaded up the old 9 passenger station wagon with a week's worth of clothes, toys, food, 4 people and a dog. In Grand Rapids we suddenly were besieged with a horrible racket. I pulled over along the freeway and got out and looked under the car. The muffler and entire tailpipe from manifold to rear end was dragging from one bracket. We exited at the next possible place. Lo and behold, there was a muffler shop. I pulled in, went in and poured out my tale of woe to the guy who ran the place. He was ready to close, but agreed to stay open and fix us up. About an hour later, we were on our way, good as new, but $80.00 poorer. I warned him in advance that I would have to write him a check. He took it in good faith, knowing that he would never see us again. We had a blast that week. We rented a friend's small cabin for the week, swam, boated, and ate. Oh yes, when we left the cabin, Tilly accidently left a Wick's sugar cream pie in the freezer. The kids have NEVER let her forget it.
Then there was the trip home from Kentucky where we took a different route than usual, and would be shorter by 15 miles according to Uncle Jay, and I kept missing my exit. Three times we went across the bridge from Ohio back into Kentucky and had to turn around and come back. The forth time was a charm. Both kids were young adults this time, and not only did they laugh their asses off at Dad, they still remind me about it. We got into a snow storm on that trip back in our home state, pulled of at an IHOP, where we belly-laughed thru dinner at the waitress's expense. She spent the entire time we were in the restaurant, with a glob of cole slaw on her face. Had this woman never heard of a mirror?
Since the kids have left home, Tilly and I have vacationed in Michigan at Ludington three or four times. It's a grand little town. It is located on the beautiful coastline of Lake Michigan. It has a wonderful beach and quaint shops and the most beautiful sunsets in the world. The last time we went, I videotaped 45 minutes of sunset, then made Prof and Lil Bro sit and watch it. We wanted to share our vacation with them. Still photos just wouldn't work. The last time I got out that video to watch it, it had been taped over with episodes of "Friends." Who would have done that? I wonder!!!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Savers, collectors, or pack-rats?
Bear in mind as you read this, that Tilly and I live in a very modest house, about 1650 sq.ft. with a garage and my woodworking shop which sits out away from everything else. All of this on a 75'x125' city lot. Just keep this in the back part of your brain, okay?
Sunday afternoon, after my nap, I was out perusing my flowers and yard, and decided to take a look into my shop and garage. In the shop, which is a mess right now, mainly because it's too damn hot to work out there, and I need to clean it up, sweep up the sawdust, and generally clean, up in the loft, I found the following stuff. There is an old suitcase full of Barbie dolls, clothes shoes and accessories. There is a box of Barbie furniture, another doll trunk full of some other doll and her wardrobe. There is a huge storage bin of children's books. There is another two bins containing photographs dating back to the early days of our marriage. There is also two pictures we used to have hanging on the wall and a bin of outdated craft items, that we will probably never use again. Along with that, is a bin with silver trays, pitchers and etc which we received as wedding gifts. We are not the "silver" type of entertainers, tho we have been known to "put on the dog" once in a while. All of this is neatly arranged and labelled.
Strolling on to my garage, I was amazed at the "stuff" that was stashed in every conceivable corner and nook. Professor has some of her things temporarily stacked in there(part of her 34 boxes of books) so I overlook that. Lil Bro has some stuff there too, like a skateboard, a scooter and basketball and bikes. I overlook that too. What I see is a shelving unit that is 8 feet long, 4 feet deep and 10 feet high stacked with Christmas decorations. No shith, there is nothing on those shelves but Christmas stuff. We normally erect and decorate approximately 9 Christmas trees during the holiday season. We also put up one of those minature villages with at least 50 buildings, trees, people and so on. You have to store all of that paraphanalia somewhere. Did I mention that I like to decorate for Christmas? There is also a coffee table in a state of being refinished, a file cabinet full of music and other whatnot, Professor's old toy box, Kiddo's old toy box, along with a freezer, coolers, garden tools and lawn mower and snow blower. This is all on the floor. Overhead is my old toy barn and farm impliments(toys) Kiddo's rocking horse, Professor and Lil Bro's cradle, more Christmas decorations which belonged to my mother, old checks and receipts and a plethora of junk I can only imagine. I found my mom's collection of ceramic ducks and another box labelled "paper weights." These too came from my mom"s house when she died. There is a complete set of every day dishes up there that belong to some one of the kids. Who knows which one.
Now, let me tell you about our collections inside the house. We have a shelf around two sides of our master bath that has ceramic, wood and various other types of birds. We also have birdhouses scattered about. In the bedroom, you see Tilly's collection of teddy bears. But the real "treasures" are in the kitchen. We collect tins. Currently we have 120 tins of various sizes and shapes. We also posess two complete sets of fine china, along with 3, count 'em, sets of everyday dishes. One of which we never use, but it's the one we started up housekeeping with and neither of us want to part with.
In the basement, or what we call "the dungeon" is more Christmas stuff (this goes out of doors) and other junk we "just don't want to part with."
Now, let me make it perfectly clear, I am as much to blame for this saving and hoarding of stuff as Tilly is. Did I mention that I like to decorate for Christmas? At last count, I have 19 different Nativity Scenes. Complete! Some are very tiny, but one is nearly life size, and lights up. I love to display that one out front where our neighbors across the street, who don't believe in Christmas, can fully enjoy it. It is garish and probably in very poor taste, but...did I mention that I like to decorate for Christmas?
After my tour, I came back into the house and asked Tilly what we were going to do with all this stuff? She said we would just keep it and let the kids worry about it when we are gone. So, Prof and Lil Bro, beware. You have your work cut out for you once of these days. He, he, he!!!
Bear in mind as you read this, that Tilly and I live in a very modest house, about 1650 sq.ft. with a garage and my woodworking shop which sits out away from everything else. All of this on a 75'x125' city lot. Just keep this in the back part of your brain, okay?
Sunday afternoon, after my nap, I was out perusing my flowers and yard, and decided to take a look into my shop and garage. In the shop, which is a mess right now, mainly because it's too damn hot to work out there, and I need to clean it up, sweep up the sawdust, and generally clean, up in the loft, I found the following stuff. There is an old suitcase full of Barbie dolls, clothes shoes and accessories. There is a box of Barbie furniture, another doll trunk full of some other doll and her wardrobe. There is a huge storage bin of children's books. There is another two bins containing photographs dating back to the early days of our marriage. There is also two pictures we used to have hanging on the wall and a bin of outdated craft items, that we will probably never use again. Along with that, is a bin with silver trays, pitchers and etc which we received as wedding gifts. We are not the "silver" type of entertainers, tho we have been known to "put on the dog" once in a while. All of this is neatly arranged and labelled.
Strolling on to my garage, I was amazed at the "stuff" that was stashed in every conceivable corner and nook. Professor has some of her things temporarily stacked in there(part of her 34 boxes of books) so I overlook that. Lil Bro has some stuff there too, like a skateboard, a scooter and basketball and bikes. I overlook that too. What I see is a shelving unit that is 8 feet long, 4 feet deep and 10 feet high stacked with Christmas decorations. No shith, there is nothing on those shelves but Christmas stuff. We normally erect and decorate approximately 9 Christmas trees during the holiday season. We also put up one of those minature villages with at least 50 buildings, trees, people and so on. You have to store all of that paraphanalia somewhere. Did I mention that I like to decorate for Christmas? There is also a coffee table in a state of being refinished, a file cabinet full of music and other whatnot, Professor's old toy box, Kiddo's old toy box, along with a freezer, coolers, garden tools and lawn mower and snow blower. This is all on the floor. Overhead is my old toy barn and farm impliments(toys) Kiddo's rocking horse, Professor and Lil Bro's cradle, more Christmas decorations which belonged to my mother, old checks and receipts and a plethora of junk I can only imagine. I found my mom's collection of ceramic ducks and another box labelled "paper weights." These too came from my mom"s house when she died. There is a complete set of every day dishes up there that belong to some one of the kids. Who knows which one.
Now, let me tell you about our collections inside the house. We have a shelf around two sides of our master bath that has ceramic, wood and various other types of birds. We also have birdhouses scattered about. In the bedroom, you see Tilly's collection of teddy bears. But the real "treasures" are in the kitchen. We collect tins. Currently we have 120 tins of various sizes and shapes. We also posess two complete sets of fine china, along with 3, count 'em, sets of everyday dishes. One of which we never use, but it's the one we started up housekeeping with and neither of us want to part with.
In the basement, or what we call "the dungeon" is more Christmas stuff (this goes out of doors) and other junk we "just don't want to part with."
Now, let me make it perfectly clear, I am as much to blame for this saving and hoarding of stuff as Tilly is. Did I mention that I like to decorate for Christmas? At last count, I have 19 different Nativity Scenes. Complete! Some are very tiny, but one is nearly life size, and lights up. I love to display that one out front where our neighbors across the street, who don't believe in Christmas, can fully enjoy it. It is garish and probably in very poor taste, but...did I mention that I like to decorate for Christmas?
After my tour, I came back into the house and asked Tilly what we were going to do with all this stuff? She said we would just keep it and let the kids worry about it when we are gone. So, Prof and Lil Bro, beware. You have your work cut out for you once of these days. He, he, he!!!
Monday, July 10, 2006
I Love.......
- Wiggling my toes in the wet sand near the water at the beach
- M & M's
- plastic hangers
- Dairy Queen Chicken strips w/gravy
- The smell of new mown hay
- Clear, crisp fall days
- The first snow fall
- Decorating for Christmas
- Going for a drive in the country, even at $3.09 a gallon
- The smell of sheets dried outdoors
- Paper clips, staplers, and post it notes
- Reading
- Chilly, rainy days...good for reading
- Fireplaces
- Horses
- Walking in the woods in the fall
- Teaching kids
- Family gatherings
- Going to Lowe's and Hobby Lobby
- Chocolate...but you already knew that!
- Making lazy love
- Sing with by buddies
What do you love?
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Regrets? I've Had a Few!
But then again, haven't we all. If we all delve back into the past, and take a look at some of the skeltons that still lurk in the great closet of life, we have to adimt we all have some regrets. Or at least wonder if some of the "shoulda, woulda, couldas" of life would have made a BIG difference in our lives if we'd have done things differently.
Love: Ah yes! I think we all, If we have the cojones to admit it, have the one BIG love of our lives that we either acted on or didn't act on. I personally did act on the BIG love of my life, and have been happily married to her for almost 37 years. I know a person struggling right now with this delema. I think this person, I will call Jan, is blaming himself for a love not working out. As a very close friend of Jan's, I can say that he is not to blame. The other party was not considerate of Jan's feelings and circumstances then and isn't now. There has to be willingness for compromise on the part of both parties, and there wasn't. I believe in the adage, "tis far better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." I had another romance once, too, but it didn't work out and I feel that there was a better plan for me. Now I KNOW it!
My biggest regret is that I didn't have the nerve to move. I was offered a better job in a town far away from family and friends many many years ago. My wife and I were newly married and expecting our first child. I could not see that moving would be to our benefit. I still wonder how things would have played out had we moved. Maybe we wouldn't have liked being that far away from family, and maybe we would have moved back. But I will always wonder. The job market hasn't always been kind to me, and just maybe it would have been better if I had just had the nerve to try something different.
I regret not finishing my college education. Yes, I have an associates degree, but I really wanted a bachelor's. I never finished it. Now, at age 61, I really don't have the desire or the ambition to pursue it anymore.
I regret not becoming a teacher. That goes with the degree thing above, but at least I am pursuing that career path by being able to work with "my" kids as an instructional aide, and had an experience of a lifetime teaching prep English at a junior college a few years ago. I was very good at it, too. Maybe it is something that I can do again later down the road.
Like I said, I have a few regrets. But very few. I guess I am lucky. My advice to those of you harboring regrets is to just bite the bullet, hold your chin up high, and get on with your life. It is to short to worry about "shoulda, woulda, couldas."
But then again, haven't we all. If we all delve back into the past, and take a look at some of the skeltons that still lurk in the great closet of life, we have to adimt we all have some regrets. Or at least wonder if some of the "shoulda, woulda, couldas" of life would have made a BIG difference in our lives if we'd have done things differently.
Love: Ah yes! I think we all, If we have the cojones to admit it, have the one BIG love of our lives that we either acted on or didn't act on. I personally did act on the BIG love of my life, and have been happily married to her for almost 37 years. I know a person struggling right now with this delema. I think this person, I will call Jan, is blaming himself for a love not working out. As a very close friend of Jan's, I can say that he is not to blame. The other party was not considerate of Jan's feelings and circumstances then and isn't now. There has to be willingness for compromise on the part of both parties, and there wasn't. I believe in the adage, "tis far better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." I had another romance once, too, but it didn't work out and I feel that there was a better plan for me. Now I KNOW it!
My biggest regret is that I didn't have the nerve to move. I was offered a better job in a town far away from family and friends many many years ago. My wife and I were newly married and expecting our first child. I could not see that moving would be to our benefit. I still wonder how things would have played out had we moved. Maybe we wouldn't have liked being that far away from family, and maybe we would have moved back. But I will always wonder. The job market hasn't always been kind to me, and just maybe it would have been better if I had just had the nerve to try something different.
I regret not finishing my college education. Yes, I have an associates degree, but I really wanted a bachelor's. I never finished it. Now, at age 61, I really don't have the desire or the ambition to pursue it anymore.
I regret not becoming a teacher. That goes with the degree thing above, but at least I am pursuing that career path by being able to work with "my" kids as an instructional aide, and had an experience of a lifetime teaching prep English at a junior college a few years ago. I was very good at it, too. Maybe it is something that I can do again later down the road.
Like I said, I have a few regrets. But very few. I guess I am lucky. My advice to those of you harboring regrets is to just bite the bullet, hold your chin up high, and get on with your life. It is to short to worry about "shoulda, woulda, couldas."
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