Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Well, we had our Christmas yesterday on Christmas eve. We all met at a nearby Bob
Evans restaurant for brunch, then back to my house for gift giving. It was so much fun. It was wonderful having my kids and grands at the house. Everyone was in a festive mood and enjoyed the afternoon. Little Miss K, enjoyed sitting in the empty boxes, chewing on the wrapping,(she's cutting 4 or 5 new teeth right now) and yanking the ornaments off my tree. When I decorated the tree, I prepared for that moment by hanging all the breakables up high out of her reach.
It was a blast watching grandson Kiddo opening his gifts. His 16+ year old enthusiasm was catching and I laughed until I cried. He was so excited with everything he got. Even his boxers. The rest of us remained sedate...NOT! We oohed and aaahed all over the place and had a great time.
Today, my son is working at his job, and Sistah and Miss K are spending it with her family. Prof, Kiddo, XRaygirl and I are going to see a movie late this afternoon. Hoping to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie.
I had the wonderful experience of singing at my church's Christmas Eve service last night. I sang a solo as well as with the choir. It was a service filled only with Christmas music and scripture. Before we went in to sing, my friend and fellow choir member Gary offered a prayer for us. In it he asked for safety for our troops, food for the hungry, and for all of us to stop and reflect on how lucky we are that we are free and able to gather to worship in the manner of our choice. This gave me lots of food for thought. I have a dear friend who is in Iraq right now, I have students that I know don't have enough to eat most days, and I sometimes take my freedom of religion for granted. Gary brought all of this home to me last night. I am making a promise to myself to be more thoughtful about these things, and am looking forward to the day when we just might have peace throughout the world.
I give thanks daily for my family, and my friends. I am grateful for even the right to be able to write my feelings in this blog. Have you ever thought about how lucky we are to have the freedom of speech?
Christmas is a time for reflection, so take time to look back, and be thankful!


Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Fa la la la, la la la la

My halls are all decked, the presents are wrapped, and I am ready. I am actually looking forward to Christmas this year. I just looked at the Christmas tree in my living room and decided that either Santa snagged his bag, or he got tired and said, " to hell with everyone else, I'm tired. I'll just leave the rest of these gifts for these nice people."
I am excited to see my Texas relatives. They are coming for a visit between Christmas and New Years. I will have to throw another log on the fire for them. They aren't used to this cold weather.
Merry Christmas to all. Have a blessed one. And remember, Jesus is the reason for the season!

Friday, December 11, 2009

The Pits

Okay, time to spout off about work. Really, I like my job very much. BUT, last Monday when I went into work, the head of my department decided to change my schedule. This had nothing to do with my performance or anything I had or had not done. One of the gals in my department suffered a mild heart attack recently, and has come back to work. She needed a less stressful schedule, so they rearranged some of the rest of us to accommodate her. That is fine. But, the clincher is that though Math and Science is not my strong suit, I am now in 3 science classes daily. Fortunately, one of them is quite small, and not much is required of my services, so I sort of walk the room and help keep order. I was taken out of both my English classes, which is my major and strongest area of expertise. I also was assigned another "study hall" which now gives me two. Ugh!
I am truly grateful to have a job in this school system. The admin. is fantastic, and the teachers I work with are wonderful, and also a lot of fun to be with. It's just that I am getting old, and I don't adapt to change very well. I am sure that this will work out fine, but after the first week, I can truly say that I am beat. I feel like I am out of my element. I don't know sick-um about covalent bonding of atoms, and I was trying to read and explain it to a student in study hall last period. I finally admitted to her that she would just have to see her science teacher. Fortunately, she took it good naturedly, and didn't guffaw at me.
Just another reason why that counter on my blog is getting closer to retirement and I am getting more excited as the days pass. Come on June 3, 2010!


Tuesday, December 01, 2009


There are many things I have learned in the past two years since my wife died. I think I have mentioned some of them before. Like learning which bills are due, when and how to cook and clean, and do the dreaded laundry.
Well, there are many other things I have learned, too. I have learned that life does go on. For other people in my life, it seems like their lives have returned to normal. My friends have quit asking me how I am doing. They have also quit asking me to do things with them. Maybe it's that "third wheel" thing. Maybe it's a drag to always have that third party along without a partner to fill the forth empty chair.
Oh, I have friends, especially Curley, who has remained close and calls and we do things together. I thank the good Lord each day for her friendship. I also am thankful that my daughter, Professor, is here. Having her here has kept me on track, has helped me eat better and of course has helped with the loneliness. I can honestly say that I do miss the peace and quiet that I had grown used to, but I'm sure she does too. I know she is looking forward to finding a job and again having a place of her own. She will probably heave a sign of relief when the time comes that she doesn't have to listen to my ramblings and put up with my idiosyncrasies.
My Ohio friends keep in touch also, and we talk often via phone or e mail as do my brother and sister-in-law in Texas.

I'm not too sure what to say about my relationship with my son and his family at this time. Upon the death of my in-laws last month, my son inherited their entire estate. I have no idea about the monetary value of said estate, but I do know that the house he inherited is worth several thousand in itself. I also know that Prof didn't inherit a thing. Grandparents M seemed to think they could judge her and teach her a "life lesson" by disowning her. The had no idea what unconditional love was, either with their own daughter or their granddaughter. Evidently they also convinced my son of that, too. It is my hope that when the estate is settled, he will do the right thing by his sister. I am trying to remain neutral, but it is hard when I see the hurt it is causing between my children. My mother-in-law was a selfish old lady (she was selfish when she was young, too) and is still causing family trouble from the grave. This I CANNOT forgive.

Next, I miss my wife. I know that everything people say and everything you read says that with time, it gets easier. And they are right. It is easier that it was the first few months. But I still miss her. I miss finding her sitting here waiting for me to come home. I miss her fragrance that she always wore, and yes, I still even miss her nagging me about stuff. There are times during the day when I think of things I want to tell her when I get home, or a question I want to ask her. Not possible. I find I resent her, too. I am still pissed that she died and left me facing life without her. We had had some financial setbacks which she knew about, and left me alone to dig myself out from under them. She had run our finances for several years, and not successfully and I resent that I have virtually no retirement funds left. I will be able to eke by, but life could be a strain when I retire if I am not really frugal. So there are the good things and the bad, but at the end of the day, I would much rather still have her here; the good outweigh the bad 100%. And she would know the right things to say and do to keep our kids in line. I just don't have the knack or the energy.
I have learned that I am allowed to say "no" to things I don't want to do. Even if they seem important at the time, I can just say I don't want to do it, and not feel overwhelming guilt, like I used to. I like that about myself. I can stand on my own two feet. I am doing it every day and it's making me feel good about myself. I can do this!!!
I guess this has turned into a whine-fest. But sometimes writing it all down and venting helps put things in perspective.