The End of an Era

Yesterday we buried both of my in laws. Yes, I said both. My mother-in-law died last Tuesday from multiple illnesses, but finally was taken by a heart attack. My father-in-law, who has been at death's door for years, died in a skilled care facility on Sunday, while the family was having "calling" at the funeral home for mother in law. This caused some hustling about on the part of the funeral home staff, but they were able to prepare my father in law and move the funeral time ahead four hours in order to have a double funeral. I am amazed at how organized this particular funeral home is. They have an adequate staff, but operate homes in three different towns in the county. They were amazing.

The pastor who did the service was able to change his message to accomodate both people, and he did a wonderful job. The fact that he had been their minister for years and knew them both very well was a blessing to both him and us as a family.

I have mixed emotions about their passing. They were two people who saw everything in either black or white. For them, there was no gray area. It seemed that my wife (their daughter) and I lived mostly in their gray area. Obviously, it caused for strained relationships some or most of the time, but I still could name many good times we had with them. I can also think of good things to say about each of them. It is time to bury the bad and get on with remembering the good, though sometimes it is hard. There was so much hurt associated with my wife's death that it has been hard for me to get past it. Now I must.
My mother-in-law was a perfectionist. I remember when my fiance and she were planning our wedding in 1969, that we teased her about having permanent indentions under her arm from carrying Amy Vanderbilt's Wedding Ettiquette book under her arm for months. But, in reality, it paid off,for we had a "storybook" wedding by those days standards. Mother M was also a wonderful cook. I can think of none who would come close to comparing, and she taught her daughter well. That's why I was 90 pounds heavier in 2007 when my wife died than I was when we married 38 years earlier. I can think of nothing that Mother M made that I didn't like. Her chicken and dumplings were wonderful, and she always make a vast array of delicate pastries at holiday time.
On the other hand, she was a control freak. She thought she was always right and never could see the other side of an argument. She always offered an opinion, whether solicited or not, hidden in the guise of "saying how she felt." This was the most maddening thing and probably caused the most hard feelings of any other thing in our marriage.
Father M. was a quiet guy. He was an extremely talented woodworker, and carpenter. There wasn't anything he couldn't make out of wood. He made a cradle for our babies that was nicer than anything you could ever buy. He made tables and chairs, and cabinets for their kitchen. Their home was sight to behold with all the hand made woodwork and trims. He went about his life quietly. My wife said that he never got a chance to speak, and she was probably correct. She used to enjoy calling him when she knew her mom would be gone. They would talk for hours. He was also a great gardener. His yard, in his years of good health was a sight to behold. Even when he didn't feel well, he loved to putter in his yard. He was also one of the most stubborn men I have known. Once he set his mind to something, nothing could change it. This too caused some problems for us, especially when it came to dealing with our children.
These were two people who never learned what unconditional love meant. There were always strings with every gift, and even with their love. They could never accept us for who we were, and that maybe we didn't fit into their "ideal mold." We suffered for that. My children suffered for that.
So, this all being said, I must admit that burying them left me with some bittersweet memories. Yes, they were a part of my life for almost 40 years, and there are some feelings there. Even though our relationship has been strained since my wife's death, they were a tie to that part of my life. That tie is now severed. Today, I'm not sure just how I feel about that. Sad? Relief? Resentful? Maybe a little of each.

Peace,
JE

Three cheers for my Grandson

My grandson got his driver's license today. I am so proud of him. Now he wants to get a job so he can have gas money. My they grow up in a hurry!

Being a grandfather is so cool!

JE

News Flash!

Just found out the other day that the Divine Miss K is going to have a brother or sister in the Spring! Ain't that a hoot! Love them grandkids!

Peace,
JE

What I've Read...2009

Not to be bragging, but I love to read. I don't intend to review books that I have read, I am just listing them, and I might comment about some of them.
1. Lie Down With the Devil: Linda Barnes
2. The Husband: Dean Koontz
3. Stargirl: Jerry Spinelli
4. The First Patient: Michael Palmer
5. Vanishing Point: Marcia Muller
6. The Outlander: Gil Adamson (don't waste your time)
7. Playing for Pizza: John Grisham
8. Run For Your Life: James Patterson
9. Monkey Island: Paula Fox (I read for school)
10. Judge and Jury: James Patterson
11. Cross Country: James Patterson
12. The Legal Limit: Michael Clark
13. The Quilter's Apprentice: Jennifer Chiawernini
14. Divine Justice: David Balducci
15. The Associate: John Grisham
16. Hold Tight: Harlan Coben (greatest author I've read for a while)
17. Extreme Measures: Vince Flynn
18. The Last American Man: Elizabeth Gilbert (true story, he was an ass)
19. The Woods: Harlan Coben
20. Stormy Weather: Carl Hiassen
21. The 8th Confession: James Patterson
22. The Innocent: Harlan Coben
23. The Pearl: John Steinbeck (I read this for school)
24. Tell No One: Harlan Coben
25. Water For Elephants: Sarah Gruen (wonderful read)
26. On The Inside: Ted Wood
27. The Divide: Nicholas Evans
28. Promise Me :Harlan Coben
29. Gone For Good: Harlan Coben
30. No Second Chance: HarlanCoben
31. Tailspin: Catherine Coulter
32. The Watchmen: Robert Crais
33. Once Were Cops: Ken Bruen (Weird; waste of time)
34. Chasing Darkness: Robert Crais
35. The Summer I Dared: Barbara Delinsky
36. Gone Tomorrow: Lee Childs
37. Hostage: Robert Crais
38. Darkest Fear: Harlan Coben
39. Indigo Slam: Robert Crais
40. Three Weeks in Paris: Barbara Taylor Bradford
41. The Secret Between Us: Barbara Delinsky
42. Trigger City: Sean Chercover
43: Imposter: Davis Brunn
44. The Appeal: John Grisham
45. Voodoo River: Robert Crais
46. Perfect Evil: Alex Kava
47. The Final Detail: Harlan Coben
48. Necessary Evil: Alex Kava
49. Knock Out: Catherine Coulter
50. At the Stroke of Madness: Alex Kava
51: Pictures of Hollis Woods: Patricia Reilly Giff
52. Blizzard's Wake: Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
53. There's A (Slight) Chance I'm Going to Hell! : Laurie Notaro
54: Swimsuit: James Patterson
55. Vanished: Joseph Finder
56. The Slow Way Home: Michael Morris
57. First Family: David Baldacci
58. Scarcrow: Michael Connelly (OMG! Ya gotta read this one.)
59. Panic Attack: Jason Starr (Not bad, but shallow characters and crude.)
60. Fugitive: Phillip Margolin (another great read)
61. Medicine Road: Will Henry (old western at it's best)
62.Lost Lake: Phillip Margolin
63. The Lucky One: Nicolas Sparks (great read, not sad for a change)
64. Proof Positive: Phillip Margolin
65. Fire and Ice: J.A. Jance
66. Revolution No. 9: Neil McMahon (Excellent!)
67. The Burning Man: Phillip Margolin (Good read.)
68. A Bend in the Road: Nicholas Sparks (Typical good Sparks work)

As you can tell, I am a "grab it off the shelf" kind of reader. If the dust jacket sounds good, I usually go with it. When I find an author I really like, I want to read everything he or she has written.
I will keep adding as the list grows. When I look at my list, no wonder my grass needed mowing and my house needed dusting!
Keep on readin'
JE

A Tribute

Two years ago today, the love of my life passed away. This is my tribute to her:

If I had only known,
It was our last walk in the rain,
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm.
I would hold your hand
Like a life line to my heart,
Underneath the thunder we'd be warm.
If I had only known,
It was our last walk in the rain.


If I had only known,
I'd never hear your voice again,
I'd memorize each thing you ever said.
And on those lonely nights,
I could think of them once more,
And keep your words alive inside my head.
If I had only known,
I'd never hear your voice again.


You were the treasure in my hand,
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware, I foolishly believed
That you would always be there,
But then there came a day,
And I turned my head and you slipped away.


If I had only known,
It was my last night by your side,
I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn.
And when you smile at me
I would look into your eyes,
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on..
If I had only known,
The love I would've shown,
If I had only known.


I miss you!

JE

Randon Thought for Today

My brother, who is the coolest guy ever, sent me this via e mail today and I had to share it!

• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
• How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  
• I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than make 5 trips to bring my groceries in.
  
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
  
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent one dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
  
• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  
• I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
  
• Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
  
• I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
  Bad decisions make really good stories
  
• Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
  
• There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
  
• "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
  
• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
  
• As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
  
• Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  
• It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
  
• I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  
• I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

Painting "101"

Here's the real truth about my latest painting job.
First, let me state for the record that I HATE to paint! Anything! But especially walls and ceilings. I have been wanting to paint my bedroom for a number of months, but have put it off for several reasons. First, I don't like to paint without having the windows open, and the weather hasn't been fit to have them open, or if it's cool enough to have them open, I don't want to do it. I want to be outside doing other stuff. Secondly , my bedroom is small with a hell of a lot of furniture in it. What do I do with it all while I am painting. The only place to move it to is the living room which is not a good idea since it is the main room of the house and I don't have a family room. Thirdly, I am sloppy, so that means shrouding everything imaginable in plastic. Fourthly, I can't pick colors, even if I know what I want. But, all this being said, the time has come to get at it, so I go paint shopping.
I pick a light neutral gold/beigey color. I have it mixed. I get it home. Take a look at the bedroom accessories and think, "blah." Nothing too wrong, but not just right either. So, since I had it mixed and can't take it back, there's twenty five bucks shot in the ass. So I go get another color of deeper gold, letting my son talk me into getting a satin finish instead of flat. I bring it home and stir and stir and stir, and when I begin putting it on the wall, it's runny and sticky and like smearing honey on the wall. Back to the paint store.. The "paint maven" decided that the mixing base was probably bad, so I could probably get a store credit, but being the hindsight-is-always-better person that I am, I didn't take the gallon with me, because the label said that because it was mixed color, it was non-returnable. So there went another twenty-five bucks. Soooo, I pick another color, flat finish, gold, bright, perfect. This time it was almost thirty bucks, no longer on sale. I began painting with it. I got two walls done, one coat and when it dried, I swear it looked like a cheap bordello (not that I have ever been in one, but my imagination can just picture some sleezy rent-by-the-hour hotel room in Tiajuana). It was so bright and just was nauseous to look at. Okay, you are getting the picture.
That evening when Prof came home, I was so discouraged that I was fuming and really p.o.'ed at my self for all the messing around with the paint. I should have left it alone, white!
Prof suggested an altogether different color scheme. Said, think about it for a few days. I mulled it over and over. I talked to my friend Curley about the color choices I had made, all bad, and asked her what she thought of Prof's suggestion. She said "go for it." So back to the paint store. This time I bought a less expensive paint in brown. It's really the color of fine, milk chocolate. It took two coats and in some places, especially the one spot with the thin runny crap, three coats. But it looks wonderful. Three walls are that color. Then, the real treat started. Prof suggested I paint the fourth wall a deep red. Yes, red. I love red, so that sounded really neat. I go back to paint store #2 (where they sell less expensive paint) and had a gallon of "red drama" mixed. I begain putting it on the fourth wall. It wouldn't cover well. I had white underneath, so I thought I didn't need to prime it. Wrong! After two coats, it still looked blotchy and had light and dark spots. Now, what? I thought "to heck with it," cleaned up the rollers and brushes, and sat down to watch TV. During a commercial, Kilz paint(which I always thought was a primer/sealer for water spots) advertised their new line of paint which covers in less coats, and has a built-in primer. Voila! Back to the paint store, and had them mix me a gallon of "red drama," rushed home and put a coat on the red wall. Golly Moses, it works! This stuff is miraculous! I put on one coat. Went to work, came home and looked it over. I thought it would look more smooth with another coat, so I donned the paint garb, one more time and had at it. It looks fantastic. I noticed a couple of spots along the ceiling that need touching up, so in the morning, I will do that, and by afternoon, I can be done. I think I couls see a career in interior decorating in Prof's future if she just could get someone to hire her. Of course, I haven't gotten her bill yet!!:)
Bear in mind that I moved all the furniture from one side of the room to the other, made a path to my bed at night, then began again in the morning. This has been going on for almost two weeks now. Now it's done! Next week I am getting new carpet put down in there. Then, as soon a Curley has time, she is making me new curtain thingys. Things finally look nice. I don't know why I just didn't let Prof and Curley pick the colors in the first place. I love it when a plan finally comes together. Did I mention I HATE to paint???? Thank the gods for Prozac!