The Zen of Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

My Sunday Meme

Here's a list I stole from a fellow blogger, Saintly Nick. Some days I'm just out of "blogfodder."

What do you think of the last person you liked? Still like that person.
I’m listening to ? Nothing
Maybe I should? Clean my house
I want a? Glass of wine
I don’t understand: Algebra and geometry
I have lost my respect for: politicians
I last ate? Country Post’s biscuits and gravy
The meaning of my display name is? To complicated to explain
Is your hair wet? No
Is your cell phone right beside you? No, not sure where it is right now.
Do you miss someone? Yes, my daughter
Are you tired? No, only been up 3 hours.
Are you wearing pajamas? No, I don’t own any.
Are you mad? Nope
Are you upset? Nope
Why? Having a good day, no reason to be.
Recently done anything you regret? Yep
Ever lied? Maybe a little white one!
Ever kicked someone? Probably, but I don’t remember doing it.
Ever tripped over your own feet? Yep
Ever cursed? Oh, hell yes!
Gotten mad at someone? Who hasn’t?
Who? I don’t remember, but students rile me once in a while.
Cried in the last week? Yep
Is there anyone special on your mind right now? Nope
Do you have siblings? Yep 1 brother
Do/Did you want children? Yep, wanted 6, have two. More grandchildren, please!
Do you smile often? Try to.
Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? Nope
Do you like your handwriting? Yep
What color shirt are you wearing? Sorta pastel green
What were you doing at 7 pm yesterday? Driving my van.
What are you doing tomorrow? Laundry, and working 2-4 pm.
When did you cry last? Last night over a sentimental song
Are you a friendly person? I try to be
Do you have pets? Nope
Would you ever date any of your ex’s? I can think of one possibility!
Ever cried on a friend’s shoulder? Yep
Do you really like someone? Yep, my family (except MIL, the witch)

Books Read Recently

Crying Wind: This is an autobiography. Wonderful read about a Native American's struggle growing up.

Wolf Pass by Steve Thayer. Exciting read for mystery and action lovers.

The Cottage by Danielle Steele. Her usual clap-trap about the rich and famous.

The 5th Horseman by James Patterson. Great read and makes we hunting the 6th in the series.

Dry Ice by Stephen White. A real page-turner. Read it until the wee hours, and didn't want to put it down even then.

When Day Breaks by Mary Jane Clark. Uuuhhh! It was okay, but not especially a grabber. Lots of hype when it came out, but I didn't think it was Clark's best work.

Right now I am wading into Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult. Wow! This is heavy reading, but very good and well written. Let you know what I thought when I finish it. It's my first Picoult book.

Pardon Me While I Unload!

Once in a while, I get the urge to just write about my feeling about life in general. I sit and try to figure just what I want to say and how to say it. Sometimes making a list of my thoughts and feelings helps. Here's my list:

• I am not political, but I don't like any of the presidential candidates.
• I think our country has become a nation where only the wealthy can survive comfortably.
• I think educating our young people should take priority over anything else. How else will we remain the strongest nation in the world?
• The price of gas is ridiculous, but what can we as individuals do about it.
• Living alone is not so bad. Being lonely sucks ass!
• Family is the most important thing in the world. Without them, I am nothing.
• I have got the greatest friends a man could ever ask for.
• Buying groceries is a drudge.
• Cleaning house is a drudge.
• Mowing grass is a drudge.
• TV this summer is a laugh! Not the humorous kind, either!
• I love to read. That's why my house is dirty and my lawn needs mowing.
• There is not a rainbow behind every cloud no matter what Hallmark cards say
• Doing laundry is a necessary evil. And another drudge.
• I don't like the feeling of being homesick.
• I still love to sing.

There are some days when I should just not sit down at the computer. But, I have to get some of this shit off my chest somehow!

Peace and Hope

JE

Reading

Did you ever pick up a book and even though you really didn't like it very much, you just kept reading because you were just curious? Well, I just finished Now You See Him by Eli Gottlieb. It was the strangest novel I have read in a long time. And, I sure didn't see the end coming. Usually I am brighter than that, but this one really threw me.
I didn't especially like the writer's style. He wrote in first person, but his literary style was to "highbrow" for me, for lack of a better term. But I told myself to just persevere and finish the book.
I wouldn't recommend that you rush out and buy this book, and I am glad I just checked it out of the local library, but if you run accross it in a used book store, and can pick it up for 50 cents, read it and see how you feel about it.
I have several other possibilities in my book bag, so I am looking forward to reading something more exciting and interesting. This made my 5th novel since school was out. Do I need to get a life or what!
Peace and Hope
JE

Say Cheese!

Well, I did it. I joined the ranks of millions of other people and purchased a digital camera. I'm not sure what I have to take pictures of, but having a new granddaughter to photograph in a few months was an incentive. By the time she arrives, I should be pretty good at snapping those candid shots. At least, I will have learned what all the buttons are for.
I had 2 rolls of film developed the other day. I didn't get prints made, I simply had the pictures put on a disc so I could download them to my computer. At the price they charged to do that, it wouldn't take long to pay for this camera. I didn't get a super expensive one, but when I get really good, I can upgrade! Yeah, right!
Anyway, now I can keep my photo blog more up to date, and have a fun time doing it.
Peace and Hope!
JE

My New Look

Not only am I redecorating my home, How do you like my new "bloglook?" Thanks to the creative skills of Professor, I have a whole new design. And it is so totally "me." Ask anyone who knows me and they will agree, I'm sure. Thanks Prof!

Peace and Hope,

JE

A Tribute to Country Music???????

I just watched a special on PBS hosted by Roy Clark. Egads! There is a reason for retirement. Come on people. Glen Campbell singing some of the songs he made famous, was nauseating. What happened to his voice? Also, he suddenly looks so old. Do I? Maybe so, but I ain't gettin' up in front of millions of people and making an ass of myself. Patty Page sang "Tennessee Waltz." Now there's a song. But, maybe it should now be sung my Martina McBride. Of course, Chrystal Gayle sang, "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue." Other than the now un-becoming hair do, or lack thereof, she still looks pretty damn good, and sounds good, too. She graduated just a couple of years behind my late wife, Tilly. We knew her when she was still Brenda Webb.

Roy Clark looks pretty rough. Especially with the bad hair piece, and his eyes glued to the cue cards.

By now you are probably asking why I didn't just turn it off. Well, I like country music and I just kept hoping the show would get better. It didn't!

Peace and Hope!

JE

A visit to the "Baby Dr."

New experience #(I wouldn't even venture a guess): a visit to an OB-GYN! Yes you read right. I accompanied my son and daughter-in-law to the "baby dr." today. You are probably asking yourselves "what the hell for?" Well, let me explain. I have never heard a baby's heartbeat. My kids wanted me to hear my grandaughter's heartbeat, so they asked me to go along with them. (*NOTE: When Tilly and I were having babies over 32 years ago, dads weren't included in the process, past conception. No office visits, no delivery room, no nothing.)
We enter the office. We're the first one's there. Lil Bro introduces me to the nurse. She said "welcome Grandpa." All goes well until this lady about my age comes in. She looks at me like I am a alien from Mars. I know she wondered why I was there. Of course, I could about guess why she was there. She was there for the GYN part of the office, certainly not the OB part.
We get called back to the exam room, and the Dr. comes in. He looks like he's about 15 years old, but seems to know what he is doing. After measuring Sistah's tummy with a tape measure, he smears this gel on her tummy, picks up what looks like a small radio with a microphone attached and starts rubbing the mike on her tummy in the gel. Like the miracle that it is, suddenly I could honestly hear my new-to-be granddaughter's heart beat, loud and clear. WOW! I couldn't help but stand there in awe with this stupid (I'm sure) looking smile on my face. "That's my granddaughter," was all I could think. Wow! Then in few seconds of melancholy, I thought how cool it would have been if Grandma could have been there, too. My eyes misted over, not so much from the sadness of that thought, but from the marvel of it all. Science has come so far since my children were born.
It's been over 3 hours since then, but I am still on cloud #100+, and reeling from the experience.
I know I can't be in the birthing room, but believe me, I will be as close as possible when my little granddaughter arrives.

I Remember These

Recently I listened to an old song by the Statler Brothers called,"Do You Remember These." Here are some of the things I do remember from 'way back then."

• gas was 18 cents a gallon when I got my license in 1961
• my brother and I walked a mile on Sat. mornings in summer to the nearest neighbors who had a TV to watch cartoons. We had a standing invitation.
• Penny candy really was a penny, sometimes two for a penny.
• A pack of Winstons was a quarter.
• Pepsi, Coke, R C Cola and grape Nehi all came in glass bottles, and if you took them back where you bought them, they gave you 2 cents for the returned bottle.
• I mowed the neighbor's lawn for a buck
• We went places as a family
• My best friend in the whole wide world died at age 14 of a strange disease called "nephritis." Today, she would have had dialysis and a kidney transplant. Never heard of then.
• Our neighbors to the east of us build a bomb shelter into the side of a hill. I can only imagine the world repopulated by that snooty guy and his bleached blonde trophy wife.
• Our local theater showed the movie continuously all day starting at 10 AM and you could stay for as many showings as you wanted. Cost 25 cents to get in and a box of popcorn was a dime.
• We all went to church on Sunday morning, came home and had a nice dinner around the table, then went either to visit friends, or to grandparents for the afternoon.
• Our parents demanded that they knew where we were, who we were with, and called other parents to make sure it was okay with them.
• My girlfriend actually had morals and a curfew.
• James Dean movies were too "racy" and my parents said NO to going to them.
• We played outside no matter what the weather was. No video games!!
• I actually learned to type on a manual typewriter and thought "eraseable bond" paper was a great invention.
• We had actual chores. Carrying in wood, cleaning out the fireplaces, mowing an acre of yard, shoveling snow just so we could get out to the road, taking care of the dog, and sometimes the neighbor's cats.
• We helped out when other kids in the neighborhood had chores, so they could get done faster so we could go swimming.
• Everyone got along
• We had both parents in the home
• We treated our parents with respect and were loved and we knew it

This list could go on and on. You get the idea, though. I'm not saying that those were the "good old days." Today's life is good. But as I look back, I don't think I would trade.

Peace and Hope

JE

Another School Year Down!!!!!

Whooppee! School is finally out. I love my job, I really do, but, BOY! was I ready for school to be out. I need a break. As a "special ed" teaching assistant, I work with he kids with the learning problems, obviously, but I also work with the kids with emotional problems, and the ones that are mildly, mentally handicapped. Usually this vast group of kids are where most dicipline problems stem from. So, as the only man in the "sp. ed" department, I get to deal with the guys.
I pull guys out and discuss why they shouldn't wear their pants so low that we can see their "crack problem." I also get to discuss personal hygiene and suggest that they shower more often, and put on clean clothes from the skin out daily. I also pass out deodarant to some of the guys, as well as toothpaste and tic-tacs. So you see that my job is not just helping educate these students, but being a surrogate parent to them for 7 1/2 hours a day 5 days a week.

On top of that, I have to read tests aloud to most of my students. They have several learning-skill levels, so I have to read slow enough that the slower kids can keep up. When giving a math test, I often have to talk an individual student thru a problem, reminding him/her of the process used and then give them time to complete each problem. I repeat questions for those students who missed one or needs to think time.

Daily, I am responsible for maintaining order and control chaos two periods a day in a "guided study hall" situation. Bear in mind that students come and go at the classroom teacher's discretion, from 6th,7th, and 8th grades. They can come for help with any subject. So all of the teaching assistants need to be well versed in all subjects for all 3 grades. I don't have a problem with most things, but pre-algebra gives me fits. I just don't understand all the formulas, theroms (or is that geometry?) and stuff. I took one math class in college, and that was a methods class for elementary teachers! Most teachers are very understanding, but some of the ones who are new, will not give us teacher's manuals or answer keys. They are "afraid" we might give a kid an answer. WHAT??? Do they think I don't know how to do my job.

The last few days of school, it was decided that the "Resource Room" as our study hall area is called, needed to be moved into a different classroom next school year. So, we had to pack up everything in boxes, mark it to be moved, mark our desks and supplies, all furniture that goes with us so the janitors can make the move this summer. Of course, we are considered hourly employees who only get paid for the hours that the students are in the building, so we had do all this while trying to stay on "finals" schedule. While the teachers get an extra day paid to do this, we do not.

So, all this being said, I need a break. But come August, will I be ready to go back and face the "troops?" You bet. After spending over 30 years in the business world, and taking this job late in my life as a second career, I feel like I am making a difference in kid's lives. Friday night I watched students walk across the stage and graduate. These were students that I started out with when they were in the 6th grade. I have watched them grow into fine young people. They still come to my room and chat, and to share their lives with me. After the graduation ceremony, the handshakes and hugs I received made the job I do, and sometimes complain about, all worthwhile. I feel that in some small way I may have made a difference in someone's life. If so, my life is full, and I know that I am where I belong.