Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like your eyes are glued shut. No matter how hard you try, you can't hold them open and keep falling back to sleep? That's me this morning. But, it's Saturday so I really don't care. I pledged to myself to get my laundry caught up and here I am sitting here at the PC doing this. I stayed up late doing absolutely nothing but watching the flames in my fireplace until the wee hours, then suffered an attack of insomnia when I finally turned in.
I have had lots of stress this week. Maybe that's the problem. One of my coworkers got fired on Tuesday. This is almost unheard of in a school system, and I am wondering just what the problem was. The rumor mill around the school is nill. No one is commenting one way or another. I talked to her after it happened, and she was still unclear just what their justification was. Maybe it was something personal and she just didn't want to share it. We had a close working relationship, but not a personal one to speak of. She had been with the system for a long time, as have I, so I am wondering if I am next. Maybe they see it as a way to cut down costs. Other aides there have not been there as long and don't have the pay grade that we do. I guess time will tell.
Another thing bugging me and adding undue stress is my lack of interest in anything going on around me. I have a real "I don't give a s**t" attitude right now. I haven't sang with the choir for a while now, and I miss that, but when it come time to practice on Wednesday night, I would rather sit at home and gaze at the fire. Maybe it's the biting cold that had just reached inside me and turned me inside out. What ever it is, I don't like it. I am not happy with myself and this funk. I have gained about 10 pounds back of the 30 or so that I lost and I am not happy about that either. My life sucks right now. Really, I don't even have a life per se, and that's no one's fault but my own. I am really feeling the loss of my life's partner and I miss her a lot. That's probably at the root of what is going on in my head. I hope that when the weather gets warmer, and I can get out of the house more comfortably, that this attitude will improve. Until then, I guess I will continue to muddle on. It's still better than the alternative.
Boo Sob!
Peace,
JE
2 comments:
I hear you. I have no answers, but I hear you. This winter sucks. At least we don't live in Tenn. or North Carolina today.
If you decide you want to get out and try to enjoy life again, you know you can always call us. We'll be there.
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