Sunday, January 13, 2008

In My Room

The words to this old Beach Boys song keep coming back to me, echoing how I feel at this very moment.

There's a world
where I can go and
tell my secrets to
In my room, in my room

In this world
I lock out all my
worries and my fears
In my room, in my room

Do my dreaming
and my scheming
Lie awake and pray
Do my crying
and my sighing
Laugh at yesterday

Now its dark
and I'm alone
But I won't be afraid
In my room, in my room
In my room, in my room
In my room, in my room.

Why is it that, even though I now have the entire house to myself, I am the most comfortable in "my room." It's small, very nondescript, has only two windows, neither of which have any kind of a view, has rather ugly carpet on the floor, and needs paint on the walls. Still, when I am in there, I feel like I can hide away from all the ugliness in my life. I can bury myself in sorrow, and no one can hear me, I can immerse myself in a good book, stretched out on my bed, or I can sleep. I do a lot of sleeping! Probably too much. But when the world seems to be closing in on me, and becomes more than I think I can handle, I want to be in my room. There, I am away from the things that frighten me the most. There I feel safe.

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