Cricut mania strikes again

Last night I got a call from Curley. Actually, she called before I got home and talked to my grandson Kiddo, and left a message. She told me she had something for me for my birthday. That celebrated occasion isn't for two months yet, but she couldn't wait to give it to me. So I skipped choir practice and went out to her house. I took my Cricut and the equipment with me so she could see it. She had gotten me a new cartridge for the machine. A Christmas one. She knew I wanted it and that I make my own Christmas cards, so she came through with it for me. Of course we had to try it out and cut several different things. It was fun. What made it doubly fun was the fact that Curley's oldest son, Tallguy, came and sat with us at the table. His "two-cents-worth" comments were hysterical. We laughed a lot and had a great time. This was so thoughtful of Curley. She is a great friend. Now, what will get her for her birthday which is coming up here before very long? She doesn't have a Cricut. YET! But I am betting she gets one before long!
Peace,
JE

What I Read #20

The First Rule by Robert Crais: Man! You gotta read this one! This was exciting and Joe Pike and Elvis Cole were at their very best. Russian and Serbian mafia at their finest are infighting with each other. The ATF gets involved for a rollicking, high speed read. Run, don't walk, to your nearest book place.
Very Happy Reading,
JE

What I Read #19

Forced Out by Stephen Frey: A break from big business. This was a real page turner. Exciting, well written and a welcome change for Frey. I would recommend this one!
Happy Reading,
JE

How Important are Roots?

I read the word "anomie" today and wondered what it meant. By looking it up, I found that it means lacking roots or the feeling of not belonging. Interesting!
As I approach age 65 and am giving more than a cursory thought to retirement, I am thinking seriously of moving. I mean really moving. Across the U.S. My only sibling lives in Texas and he has been encouraging me to join them in the Lone Star state. It all sounds great. Warmer weather year around, close to my brother in our later years, which we know can't last forever. I have looked randomly at places there, which may be or may not be affordable. I like it there. So what, you might ask, is keeping me from saying "O.K. and going.
I am afraid of "anomie," I guess. Here in the small Midwest town I live in I have roots. Outside of 2 years I spent in the Big City while in college, I have always lived here in this county. My roots go deep into the marl of this tiny blip on the map. Here I know my neighbors. I know the people who check me out at the grocery store. I know the people sitting beside me at church. I can walk down the street anytime and see people whom I know and that know me.
Right now, my children and grandchildren are here. That fact makes my "root system" go even deeper. But, I know, too, that my children will not always stay around here. Jobs are not too plentiful here, and there's really nothing keeping them here if they decide to look for more lucrative opportunities.
My friends are here. What would I do without Curley, my singing buddies, and , of course, my church family. Yes, I could make new friends, but would it be the same?
I fear going where I would be just another number. I fear going to a place where there are 4 to 6 lanes of traffic going in each direction. I fear a place where I have to drive at least an hour just to be out in the "country" instead of one city after the other after the other. I fear maybe living in a place where I could die and no one would care.
Growing old is not for sissies, I have determined. I am used to where I am and what I have. I do know that a house is just a house, stuff is just stuff, and I can live anywhere. But I have to have roots.
Peace,
JE

What I Read #18

The Fourth Order by Stephen Frey: This is not a favorite Frey book. It was confusing, hard to understand, distasteful, and just generally not a good read. There was too much going to keep trackof, and too many characters and sub plots. Maybe other readers will like it, but I had to struggle just to finish it. Better luck next time. I'm thinking that I should take a break from Frey's books and try something else, or I should stop reading for a while and do some Cricut work!
Happy reading,
JE

What I Read #17

The Day Trader by Stephen Frey: This was a fast read. Exciting with the money-grubbing rich guys, lots of suspense, and a wild ride to the end. The ending of this book was absolutely fantastic! I recommend this one!
Happy reading,
JE

What I Read #16

Trust Fund by Stephen Frey. I went back and started reading some of Frey's earlier books. This is one of them. I was confused through part of it. Maybe because I don't understand big business, and maybe because there were just too many characters and sub plots to keep track of. It wasn't as exciting as others by him, and it moved a lot slower. But, it was good all the same. And had a fantastic ending.
Happy reading,
JE

What I Read #15

The Protege by Stephen Frey: This book was sensational. Another Big business novel. With many of the same characters as The Chairman. But with a good twist. I got really ticked off at Frey for killing off one of my favorite characters, but found out in the end why it was important for him to die. The rest is for me to know and you to find out. I've already checked out four more Frey books from my local "readery!"
Happy Reading,
JE

What I Read #14

Kisser by Stuart Woods: Stuart, ol'man, you wrote this one in a hurry. It was "fluff" and was really a fast, predictable read. Even Stone Barrington wasn't believable in this one. No guy his age has that much stamina. Characters were thin and unbelievable. Definitely NOT Woods best work. Don't buy it new. Just wait and get it at your local garage or rummage sale in the spring. I'm sure it will appear at one.
Read on,
JE

What I Read #13

The Chairman by Stephen Frey: Sensational "big business" thriller. These guys handle the big bucks...I mean trillions of dollars and are ruthless in their dealings. I recommend it highly.
Happy reading,
JE

The Happy List

I am supposed to make a "Happy List" with 10 things that make me happy to go with this award from Maggie. Here it is:

1. Spending time in my favorite brown recliner makes me happy. Kiddo beware!!!

2. Being with my granddaughter, the divine Miss K and seeing that precious smile of hers makes me happy.

3. Seeing one of my learning challenged students have an "ah-ha!" moment makes me happy.

4. Beer and chocolate together make me happy.

5. My family makes me happy.

6. Being with Curley and laughing up a storm makes me happy.

7. Singing makes me happy.

8. The anticipation of retiring makes me extremely happy.

9. Playing around with my new Cricut has its own kind of happiness.

10. Drinking Margaritas after a long day makes me happy.

Cricut Mania!

Ever since the Cricut Personal Cutter has come out, I have wanted one. No, I don't really need one, but you know how it is. Some things are just there in front of you and you think of many different ways you could use it. Well, I was at Hobby Lobby last spring with Curley and Prof and there was a lady demonstrating a Cricut machine as we walked in. For those of you who are scratching your heads and wondering, "what the hell is a Cricut" let me fill you in. The Cricut is an ingenious machine into which pre-programmed cartridges are inserted, different shapes or designs are selected on a digital screen a button is pushed and the device automatically cuts the design out of paper which is inserted into the Cricut. This machine is used primarily by scrapbookers, but it is also used in any kind of paper crafting. (Let it be known that I DO NOT no have I ever, scrapbooked.) I do, however design and make all my own greeting cards. In the past, I have made my cards laboriously one at a time. A Cricut cutter would make my card making so much easier, fun and offer so much more variety. But they are very expensive. An initial outlay of $200.00 for the machine and one cartridge, then additional cartridges (and there are a plethora of them) running from $40 to $80 apiece.
Well, after seeing the Cricut machine in action, and watching the infomercial several times on the TV, I started thinking seriously about buying one. Prof and Curley were encouraging me to go for it, but also know how tight I am with my money. So Prof suggested that I surf eBay or Amazon to see if there were any for sale. Guess what! I found a used one for $55.00 plus postage. It was offered on Amazon by a four star dealer. Prof emailed her and she wrote back and said that it was in good shape and had barely been used. So I bought it. I got it. It came with a cartridge that comes with the machine, plus the previous owner sent another cartridge that she had purchased, along with the manual, tools and the instructional DVD. I was excited to try it out. Believe it or not, I did sit and read the instructions before I started. I had a ball. I cut letters, shapes and played with it until the wee hours of the morning.
I wanted more cartridges now. Hobby Lobby just happened to run a "2 for 1 sale" on them a couple weeks ago, so I bought two. Curley found one on eBay that I wanted, so she ordered it for me. (I don't have an eBay account; I wouldn't dare) and I found one for a bargain on Amazon just last night.
I made several Valentine's Day cards and have created three "baby" cards for friends that have recently had little ones, and I made my brother the coolest birthday card which he will get next month.
I plan on doing more creating on this gadget after I retire and have more time. Several people who have received my cards through the years have suggested I make and sell them. I just might!
I did make a rush trip to Hobby Lobby in Northern Civilization on Monday to hit another sale of Cricut supplies. The first day of the sale, and they were completely gone. There really must be Cricut "mania" going on out there.
Peace,
JE

What I read #12

The Last Patriot by Brad Thor. Whew! What a ride. Just when I thought Brad couldn't possibly come up with another political thriller, he did! And what a thriller it is. I learned a lot about Islam that I didn't know before, and also a lot about Thomas Jefferson. What a guy! We can be glad our nation had him on our side at the get-go. Funny coincidence, though. We have just been studying the Barbary Pirates with my eighth graders, and this novel really went into depth about them and how Thomas Jefferson dealt with them during his presidency.
Again (and again) I will tell you readers that if you like fast moving, thrilling political novels, this is another one you won't want to miss.
Happy reading,
JE

What I Read #11

Lions of Lucerne by Brad Thor. Another fine read by Brad Thor. This happens to be his first novel. The President of the U.S. has been kidnapped and it falls on Secret Serviceman Scot Harvath to get him back. What an imagination Brad Thor has to be able to write like this. I can hardly wait to read the next book. I have it laying right here waiting on me. In fact, I have already read the prologue.
Happy reading,
JE

What I Read #10

True Blue by David Baldacci. What a great read! As usual, Baldacci grabs hold of the reader on page 1 and doesn't let go until the final page. It's a good thing we had a couple of snow days, or I might have had to just skip school and stayed home and read. That's how good this book is. Another fine work by Baldacci.
Happy reading,
JE

What I Read #9

Blowback by Brad Thor. Another good read by my latest discovery, Brad Thor. Why haven't I read him before? I don't know, but I am going back to his first books and starting in at the beginning. This was just about as good as the last one of his I read.
Happy Reading
JE

What I Read #8

First Commandment by Brad Thor. Brad Thor has rapidly become my favorite author. I am finding that once I start one of his books, I don't want to put it down. The hero or protagonist (a literary term meaning "good guy" for those of you who aren't grammarians,) is Scot Harvath. He is the know-all,be-all CIA, SEAL, Secret Service, and all that other tough guy stuff. If you don't read anything else this century, you gotta read this. If you do, and are a thriller, suspense fan, I can guarantee you that you will be hooked on the amazing works of Brad Thor.
Happy Reading,
JE

Ever had one of those days when.....

Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like your eyes are glued shut. No matter how hard you try, you can't hold them open and keep falling back to sleep? That's me this morning. But, it's Saturday so I really don't care. I pledged to myself to get my laundry caught up and here I am sitting here at the PC doing this. I stayed up late doing absolutely nothing but watching the flames in my fireplace until the wee hours, then suffered an attack of insomnia when I finally turned in.
I have had lots of stress this week. Maybe that's the problem. One of my coworkers got fired on Tuesday. This is almost unheard of in a school system, and I am wondering just what the problem was. The rumor mill around the school is nill. No one is commenting one way or another. I talked to her after it happened, and she was still unclear just what their justification was. Maybe it was something personal and she just didn't want to share it. We had a close working relationship, but not a personal one to speak of. She had been with the system for a long time, as have I, so I am wondering if I am next. Maybe they see it as a way to cut down costs. Other aides there have not been there as long and don't have the pay grade that we do. I guess time will tell.
Another thing bugging me and adding undue stress is my lack of interest in anything going on around me. I have a real "I don't give a s**t" attitude right now. I haven't sang with the choir for a while now, and I miss that, but when it come time to practice on Wednesday night, I would rather sit at home and gaze at the fire. Maybe it's the biting cold that had just reached inside me and turned me inside out. What ever it is, I don't like it. I am not happy with myself and this funk. I have gained about 10 pounds back of the 30 or so that I lost and I am not happy about that either. My life sucks right now. Really, I don't even have a life per se, and that's no one's fault but my own. I am really feeling the loss of my life's partner and I miss her a lot. That's probably at the root of what is going on in my head. I hope that when the weather gets warmer, and I can get out of the house more comfortably, that this attitude will improve. Until then, I guess I will continue to muddle on. It's still better than the alternative.
Boo Sob!
Peace,
JE

What I Read #7

Hollywood Moon by Joseph Wambaugh is good. Not wonderful, but a really good read. Although I thought about 3/4 of the way through that I had read the same stuff over and over. So I did something I NEVER (well almost never) do and skipped about 30 pages and read the last few chapters. You know what? I could still pick up the thread of the plot and missed some mundane parts that were not too important. I enjoyed this book but was glad I hadn't spent my money on it. Thank the literary gods for libraries.
Happy reading,
JE

What I Read #6

Loitering With Intent by Stuart Woods is another great read by Woods. Stone Barrington is his usual rich self basking in the good life even on a serious case. Key West, FL is the setting of this well written novel. The only drawback to this and all of Woods' works is his "author's note" at the end of the novel. Where most writers us this space to thank readers as well as editors, etc., Woods uses it to tell his readers what/what not to e-mail him and what he will and will not answer. It's an insult to his readers. This guy must have an ego the size of NYC. It's almost enough to make me not read his works. Almost, but not quite. Since Stone is one of my favorite characters, I will continue to read. But I won't buy them any longer, just check out from my local library.
Happy reading,
JE

What I Read #5

Drawn In Blood by Andrea Kane is a chilling thriller. Asian mafia, Albanian mafia, and the art world all clash in this suspense filled read. I highly recommend it to all who like a real page-turner.
Read on, folks!
JE

Good News!

On a brighter note. The latest ultrasound report from my daughter-in-law confirms my suspicion. My new upcoming grandbaby is going to be a BOY! Now the big question is...what to name him. They liked Liam for a long time and now they aren't sure. I am going to call him Liam even if they don't. Because I like it.
Another grandson. Wonders never cease!
Peace
JE

G'bye, ol' Friend

Today I buried a dear friend. This was a "forever" friend. We had known each other since my time began on this earth. Her dad and mine were high school pals who remained best friends all their lives. Therefore, Jan and her sister and my brother and I were raised together. What a quartet we made! Lots of fun growing up. Lots of sorrows, too. When Jan's sister was 14, she died of nephritis. This was the first close friend I had lost. I was 13.
As we all became adults, we grew closer. I thrilled over the birth of Jan's children, as she did mine. Although we didn't see each other all the time anymore, we kept in close touch. I sympathized with her over her divorce, and she was there for me when my wife died. Now she is gone. Taken too early, and leaving behind three wonderful children and lots of grandkids. Her funeral today was the kind of funeral everyone should have in my opinion. Jan's grandson spoke on behalf of all the grands. He talked about all the fond memories they would keep in their hearts about their grandmother. He struggled, his mom handed him tissues, but he did a fine job. The pastor read some scriptures, then he read some letters that Jan's second graders had written to her while she was in the hospital. Out of the hearts of children come truth and sincerity. We all knew what a wonderful person Jan was after hearing these messages from the heart.
After listening to Mercy Me sing "I Can Only Imagine" and Alan Jackson and Dolly Parton's "When I Get Where I'm Going," I came away knowing that my friend is resting comfortably now. I can only say, with a heavy heart, g'bye ol' friend. I will miss you!
Peace,
JE

I Feel Yucky!

I stayed home today with the yucks. I have a headache, feel achy all over and my stomach is roiling and is very unhappy. Sitting here at my PC and trying to look at the screen even hurts my eyes. Oh, to heck with it! I'm going back to bed. More when I feel better.
Yuk!
JE

What I Read #4

This book is one of the best political thrillers I have ever read. It's really two stories in one. Elise and Scot are the two main characters, but have nothing to do with each other. The way Brad Thor wove these two stories together and made it work definitely shows his talent as a writer. I am anxious to read some of his other work. This is the first of his that I have read. How have I missed him on the library shelf? Read this one!
Peace and happy reading,
JE

What I Read #3

Mixed Blood by Roger Smith. Takes place in Cape Town, South Africa. Crooked cops, hookers, bank robbers, druggies, and gangbangers. Their all there in one of the crudest, rawest reads I've have the misfortune of reading. I only kept reading to see the "fat" bogus bloodthirsty hedonistic cop (who was a total looser and asshat,) get his in the end. I won't be reading this author's next work, however. Too raunchy for me, and I thought I could read about anything!
Peace,
JE

What???

What? Where did this come from? I bought a new sportcoat yesterday. Professor called it "dapper." Said, and I quote,"You will look quite dapper!" Now I've been called a lot of things, but dapper? I think Rhett Butler was dapper. Charlie Chaplin was dapper. Boy, do I now feel OLD!
Remaining "dapper"
JE

What I read #2

This was a fantastic read. I had never read this author before. As a matter of fact, Professor brought this home to me on the off-chance that I would like it. I liked it so much that I googled the author to see when his next book would be out. Unfortunately, I found out that he passed away in July, 2009, of leukemia. How sad for his family and sad for his readers. I know he has written a plethora of other books, but I don't want to read them if they would leave me hanging like this one did, and no way to finish the "story." Guess I will have to read something else. Bummer!
Peace,
JE

What I Read #1

Instead of keeping a list of all my books that I read in 2010, I am just going to do a post about each one as I go along. I will keep them numbered and I even might include a short revue of one if it really is a good one. So keep watching. I'm out to best my record from last year! This is #1 on the list fro 2010. Good read if you are interested in Native Americans and their folklore.
Peace,
JE

Facelift!

I have a new template. It's called vintage paper! I think it's very appropriate since I am vintage! But like good wine, maybe I'll improve with age. Anyhow, I think it's cool. Thank you Professor for uploading (or downloading) it for me. Enjoy!
Peace,
JE

It is well with my soul.

It's the new year. 2009 came and went. It brought changes in my life. It brought losses, and it also brought the promise of new life.
I have had the privilege of getting to know my daughter all over again. I have gotten to know my grandson better. I have learned a lot more about what makes them both "tick," and am proud of what I have learned. I have watched my son be successful while pursuing his college education. I have watched both he and my daughter-in-law become fabulous parents. It's fun watching them with the Divine Miss K, and knowing she is in such good hands.
Loss in my life this year was met with some trepidation. The loss of both my in-laws ended an era. I faced their loss as matter-of-factually as possible, yet knowing that there was very little love lost on either side. For me, saying "goodbye" to them was done with sort of a sign of relief. No longer was I under their magnifying glass.
The promise of new life came with the news of preparation for another grandchild, due to arrive to my son and family in early June. There is something about the circle of life being completed which brings contentment to me.
I feel promise in the air. Promise of good things happening to my family and I. I know that Professor will find the right job this year, Kiddo will go on to his senior year of high school with high marks, my son will graduate with his degree in criminal justice, and I will be able to retire at long last.
All of these things make me feel content. At peace within myself and reminds me again of the words to my favorite hymn, "It is Well With my Soul.
Peace,
JE

Merry Christmas!

Well, we had our Christmas yesterday on Christmas eve. We all met at a nearby Bob
Evans restaurant for brunch, then back to my house for gift giving. It was so much fun. It was wonderful having my kids and grands at the house. Everyone was in a festive mood and enjoyed the afternoon. Little Miss K, enjoyed sitting in the empty boxes, chewing on the wrapping,(she's cutting 4 or 5 new teeth right now) and yanking the ornaments off my tree. When I decorated the tree, I prepared for that moment by hanging all the breakables up high out of her reach.
It was a blast watching grandson Kiddo opening his gifts. His 16+ year old enthusiasm was catching and I laughed until I cried. He was so excited with everything he got. Even his boxers. The rest of us remained sedate...NOT! We oohed and aaahed all over the place and had a great time.
Today, my son is working at his job, and Sistah and Miss K are spending it with her family. Prof, Kiddo, XRaygirl and I are going to see a movie late this afternoon. Hoping to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie.
I had the wonderful experience of singing at my church's Christmas Eve service last night. I sang a solo as well as with the choir. It was a service filled only with Christmas music and scripture. Before we went in to sing, my friend and fellow choir member Gary offered a prayer for us. In it he asked for safety for our troops, food for the hungry, and for all of us to stop and reflect on how lucky we are that we are free and able to gather to worship in the manner of our choice. This gave me lots of food for thought. I have a dear friend who is in Iraq right now, I have students that I know don't have enough to eat most days, and I sometimes take my freedom of religion for granted. Gary brought all of this home to me last night. I am making a promise to myself to be more thoughtful about these things, and am looking forward to the day when we just might have peace throughout the world.
I give thanks daily for my family, and my friends. I am grateful for even the right to be able to write my feelings in this blog. Have you ever thought about how lucky we are to have the freedom of speech?
Christmas is a time for reflection, so take time to look back, and be thankful!

Peace
JE

Fa la la la, la la la la

My halls are all decked, the presents are wrapped, and I am ready. I am actually looking forward to Christmas this year. I just looked at the Christmas tree in my living room and decided that either Santa snagged his bag, or he got tired and said, " to hell with everyone else, I'm tired. I'll just leave the rest of these gifts for these nice people."
I am excited to see my Texas relatives. They are coming for a visit between Christmas and New Years. I will have to throw another log on the fire for them. They aren't used to this cold weather.
Merry Christmas to all. Have a blessed one. And remember, Jesus is the reason for the season!
JE

The Pits

Okay, time to spout off about work. Really, I like my job very much. BUT, last Monday when I went into work, the head of my department decided to change my schedule. This had nothing to do with my performance or anything I had or had not done. One of the gals in my department suffered a mild heart attack recently, and has come back to work. She needed a less stressful schedule, so they rearranged some of the rest of us to accommodate her. That is fine. But, the clincher is that though Math and Science is not my strong suit, I am now in 3 science classes daily. Fortunately, one of them is quite small, and not much is required of my services, so I sort of walk the room and help keep order. I was taken out of both my English classes, which is my major and strongest area of expertise. I also was assigned another "study hall" which now gives me two. Ugh!
I am truly grateful to have a job in this school system. The admin. is fantastic, and the teachers I work with are wonderful, and also a lot of fun to be with. It's just that I am getting old, and I don't adapt to change very well. I am sure that this will work out fine, but after the first week, I can truly say that I am beat. I feel like I am out of my element. I don't know sick-um about covalent bonding of atoms, and I was trying to read and explain it to a student in study hall last period. I finally admitted to her that she would just have to see her science teacher. Fortunately, she took it good naturedly, and didn't guffaw at me.
Just another reason why that counter on my blog is getting closer to retirement and I am getting more excited as the days pass. Come on June 3, 2010!

Peace,
JE

Ramblings

There are many things I have learned in the past two years since my wife died. I think I have mentioned some of them before. Like learning which bills are due, when and how to cook and clean, and do the dreaded laundry.
Well, there are many other things I have learned, too. I have learned that life does go on. For other people in my life, it seems like their lives have returned to normal. My friends have quit asking me how I am doing. They have also quit asking me to do things with them. Maybe it's that "third wheel" thing. Maybe it's a drag to always have that third party along without a partner to fill the forth empty chair.
Oh, I have friends, especially Curley, who has remained close and calls and we do things together. I thank the good Lord each day for her friendship. I also am thankful that my daughter, Professor, is here. Having her here has kept me on track, has helped me eat better and of course has helped with the loneliness. I can honestly say that I do miss the peace and quiet that I had grown used to, but I'm sure she does too. I know she is looking forward to finding a job and again having a place of her own. She will probably heave a sign of relief when the time comes that she doesn't have to listen to my ramblings and put up with my idiosyncrasies.
My Ohio friends keep in touch also, and we talk often via phone or e mail as do my brother and sister-in-law in Texas.

I'm not too sure what to say about my relationship with my son and his family at this time. Upon the death of my in-laws last month, my son inherited their entire estate. I have no idea about the monetary value of said estate, but I do know that the house he inherited is worth several thousand in itself. I also know that Prof didn't inherit a thing. Grandparents M seemed to think they could judge her and teach her a "life lesson" by disowning her. The had no idea what unconditional love was, either with their own daughter or their granddaughter. Evidently they also convinced my son of that, too. It is my hope that when the estate is settled, he will do the right thing by his sister. I am trying to remain neutral, but it is hard when I see the hurt it is causing between my children. My mother-in-law was a selfish old lady (she was selfish when she was young, too) and is still causing family trouble from the grave. This I CANNOT forgive.

Next, I miss my wife. I know that everything people say and everything you read says that with time, it gets easier. And they are right. It is easier that it was the first few months. But I still miss her. I miss finding her sitting here waiting for me to come home. I miss her fragrance that she always wore, and yes, I still even miss her nagging me about stuff. There are times during the day when I think of things I want to tell her when I get home, or a question I want to ask her. Not possible. I find I resent her, too. I am still pissed that she died and left me facing life without her. We had had some financial setbacks which she knew about, and left me alone to dig myself out from under them. She had run our finances for several years, and not successfully and I resent that I have virtually no retirement funds left. I will be able to eke by, but life could be a strain when I retire if I am not really frugal. So there are the good things and the bad, but at the end of the day, I would much rather still have her here; the good outweigh the bad 100%. And she would know the right things to say and do to keep our kids in line. I just don't have the knack or the energy.
I have learned that I am allowed to say "no" to things I don't want to do. Even if they seem important at the time, I can just say I don't want to do it, and not feel overwhelming guilt, like I used to. I like that about myself. I can stand on my own two feet. I am doing it every day and it's making me feel good about myself. I can do this!!!
I guess this has turned into a whine-fest. But sometimes writing it all down and venting helps put things in perspective.
Peace
JE

The End of an Era

Yesterday we buried both of my in laws. Yes, I said both. My mother-in-law died last Tuesday from multiple illnesses, but finally was taken by a heart attack. My father-in-law, who has been at death's door for years, died in a skilled care facility on Sunday, while the family was having "calling" at the funeral home for mother in law. This caused some hustling about on the part of the funeral home staff, but they were able to prepare my father in law and move the funeral time ahead four hours in order to have a double funeral. I am amazed at how organized this particular funeral home is. They have an adequate staff, but operate homes in three different towns in the county. They were amazing.

The pastor who did the service was able to change his message to accomodate both people, and he did a wonderful job. The fact that he had been their minister for years and knew them both very well was a blessing to both him and us as a family.

I have mixed emotions about their passing. They were two people who saw everything in either black or white. For them, there was no gray area. It seemed that my wife (their daughter) and I lived mostly in their gray area. Obviously, it caused for strained relationships some or most of the time, but I still could name many good times we had with them. I can also think of good things to say about each of them. It is time to bury the bad and get on with remembering the good, though sometimes it is hard. There was so much hurt associated with my wife's death that it has been hard for me to get past it. Now I must.
My mother-in-law was a perfectionist. I remember when my fiance and she were planning our wedding in 1969, that we teased her about having permanent indentions under her arm from carrying Amy Vanderbilt's Wedding Ettiquette book under her arm for months. But, in reality, it paid off,for we had a "storybook" wedding by those days standards. Mother M was also a wonderful cook. I can think of none who would come close to comparing, and she taught her daughter well. That's why I was 90 pounds heavier in 2007 when my wife died than I was when we married 38 years earlier. I can think of nothing that Mother M made that I didn't like. Her chicken and dumplings were wonderful, and she always make a vast array of delicate pastries at holiday time.
On the other hand, she was a control freak. She thought she was always right and never could see the other side of an argument. She always offered an opinion, whether solicited or not, hidden in the guise of "saying how she felt." This was the most maddening thing and probably caused the most hard feelings of any other thing in our marriage.
Father M. was a quiet guy. He was an extremely talented woodworker, and carpenter. There wasn't anything he couldn't make out of wood. He made a cradle for our babies that was nicer than anything you could ever buy. He made tables and chairs, and cabinets for their kitchen. Their home was sight to behold with all the hand made woodwork and trims. He went about his life quietly. My wife said that he never got a chance to speak, and she was probably correct. She used to enjoy calling him when she knew her mom would be gone. They would talk for hours. He was also a great gardener. His yard, in his years of good health was a sight to behold. Even when he didn't feel well, he loved to putter in his yard. He was also one of the most stubborn men I have known. Once he set his mind to something, nothing could change it. This too caused some problems for us, especially when it came to dealing with our children.
These were two people who never learned what unconditional love meant. There were always strings with every gift, and even with their love. They could never accept us for who we were, and that maybe we didn't fit into their "ideal mold." We suffered for that. My children suffered for that.
So, this all being said, I must admit that burying them left me with some bittersweet memories. Yes, they were a part of my life for almost 40 years, and there are some feelings there. Even though our relationship has been strained since my wife's death, they were a tie to that part of my life. That tie is now severed. Today, I'm not sure just how I feel about that. Sad? Relief? Resentful? Maybe a little of each.

Peace,
JE

Three cheers for my Grandson

My grandson got his driver's license today. I am so proud of him. Now he wants to get a job so he can have gas money. My they grow up in a hurry!

Being a grandfather is so cool!

JE

News Flash!

Just found out the other day that the Divine Miss K is going to have a brother or sister in the Spring! Ain't that a hoot! Love them grandkids!

Peace,
JE

What I've Read...2009

Not to be bragging, but I love to read. I don't intend to review books that I have read, I am just listing them, and I might comment about some of them.

1. Lie Down With the Devil: Linda Barnes
2. The Husband: Dean Koontz
3. Stargirl: Jerry Spinelli
4. The First Patient: Michael Palmer
5. Vanishing Point: Marcia Muller
6. The Outlander: Gil Adamson (don't waste your time)
7. Playing for Pizza: John Grisham
8. Run For Your Life: James Patterson
9. Monkey Island: Paula Fox (I read for school)
10. Judge and Jury: James Patterson
11. Cross Country: James Patterson
12. The Legal Limit: Michael Clark
13. The Quilter's Apprentice: Jennifer Chiawernini
14. Divine Justice: David Balducci
15. The Associate: John Grisham
16. Hold Tight: Harlan Coben (greatest author I've read for a while)
17. Extreme Measures: Vince Flynn
18. The Last American Man: Elizabeth Gilbert (true story, he was an ass)
19. The Woods: Harlan Coben
20. Stormy Weather: Carl Hiassen
21. The 8th Confession: James Patterson
22. The Innocent: Harlan Coben
23. The Pearl: John Steinbeck (I read this for school)
24. Tell No One: Harlan Coben
25. Water For Elephants: Sarah Gruen (wonderful read)
26. On The Inside: Ted Wood
27. The Divide: Nicholas Evans
28. Promise Me :Harlan Coben
29. Gone For Good: Harlan Coben
30. No Second Chance: HarlanCoben
31. Tailspin: Catherine Coulter
32. The Watchmen: Robert Crais
33. Once Were Cops: Ken Bruen (Weird; waste of time)
34. Chasing Darkness: Robert Crais
35. The Summer I Dared: Barbara Delinsky
36. Gone Tomorrow: Lee Childs
37. Hostage: Robert Crais
38. Darkest Fear: Harlan Coben
39. Indigo Slam: Robert Crais
40. Three Weeks in Paris: Barbara Taylor Bradford
41. The Secret Between Us: Barbara Delinsky
42. Trigger City: Sean Chercover
43: Imposter: Davis Brunn
44. The Appeal: John Grisham
45. Voodoo River: Robert Crais
46. Perfect Evil: Alex Kava
47. The Final Detail: Harlan Coben
48. Necessary Evil: Alex Kava
49. Knock Out: Catherine Coulter
50. At the Stroke of Madness: Alex Kava
51: Pictures of Hollis Woods: Patricia Reilly Giff
52. Blizzard's Wake: Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
53. There's A (Slight) Chance I'm Going to Hell! : Laurie Notaro
54: Swimsuit: James Patterson
55. Vanished: Joseph Finder
56. The Slow Way Home: Michael Morris
57. First Family: David Baldacci
58. Scarcrow: Michael Connelly (OMG! Ya gotta read this one.)
59. Panic Attack: Jason Starr (Not bad, but shallow characters and crude.)
60. Fugitive: Phillip Margolin (another great read)
61. Medicine Road: Will Henry (old western at it's best)
62.Lost Lake: Phillip Margolin
63. The Lucky One: Nicolas Sparks (great read, not sad for a change)
64. Proof Positive: Phillip Margolin
65. Fire and Ice: J.A. Jance
66. Revolution No. 9: Neil McMahon (Excellent!)
67. The Burning Man: Phillip Margolin (Good read.)
68. A Bend in the Road: Nicholas Sparks (Typical good Sparks work)
69. Justice Denied: J.A. Jance(Excellent read.)
70. Cruel Intent: J.A. Jance (Another good read by J.A.)
71. The Midnight Club: James Patterson (written in 1989! How did is miss it?)
72. American Outrage: Tim Green (OMG! I could hardly put it down.)
73. I, Alex Cross: James Patterson (read in 1 day, if that tells you how good it is!)
74. The Choice: Nicholas Sparks
75. Hard Target: Alan Jacobson
76. The Guardian: Nicholas Sparks
77. The 7th Victim: Alan Jacobson (If you like Patterson, you'll like Jacobson)



As you can tell, I am a "grab it off the shelf" kind of reader. If the dust jacket sounds good, I usually go with it. When I find an author I really like, I want to read everything he or she has written.
I will keep adding as the list grows. When I look at my list, no wonder my grass needed mowing and my house needed dusting!
Keep on readin'
JE

A Tribute

Two years ago today, the love of my life passed away. This is my tribute to her:

If I had only known,
It was our last walk in the rain,
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm.
I would hold your hand
Like a life line to my heart,
Underneath the thunder we'd be warm.
If I had only known,
It was our last walk in the rain.


If I had only known,
I'd never hear your voice again,
I'd memorize each thing you ever said.
And on those lonely nights,
I could think of them once more,
And keep your words alive inside my head.
If I had only known,
I'd never hear your voice again.


You were the treasure in my hand,
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware, I foolishly believed
That you would always be there,
But then there came a day,
And I turned my head and you slipped away.


If I had only known,
It was my last night by your side,
I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn.
And when you smile at me
I would look into your eyes,
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on..
If I had only known,
The love I would've shown,
If I had only known.


I miss you!

JE

Randon Thought for Today

My brother, who is the coolest guy ever, sent me this via e mail today and I had to share it!

• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
• How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  
• I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than make 5 trips to bring my groceries in.
  
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
  
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent one dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
  
• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  
• I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
  
• Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
  
• I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
  Bad decisions make really good stories
  
• Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
  
• There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
  
• "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
  
• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
  
• As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
  
• Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  
• It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
  
• I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  
• I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

Painting "101"

Here's the real truth about my latest painting job.
First, let me state for the record that I HATE to paint! Anything! But especially walls and ceilings. I have been wanting to paint my bedroom for a number of months, but have put it off for several reasons. First, I don't like to paint without having the windows open, and the weather hasn't been fit to have them open, or if it's cool enough to have them open, I don't want to do it. I want to be outside doing other stuff. Secondly , my bedroom is small with a hell of a lot of furniture in it. What do I do with it all while I am painting. The only place to move it to is the living room which is not a good idea since it is the main room of the house and I don't have a family room. Thirdly, I am sloppy, so that means shrouding everything imaginable in plastic. Fourthly, I can't pick colors, even if I know what I want. But, all this being said, the time has come to get at it, so I go paint shopping.
I pick a light neutral gold/beigey color. I have it mixed. I get it home. Take a look at the bedroom accessories and think, "blah." Nothing too wrong, but not just right either. So, since I had it mixed and can't take it back, there's twenty five bucks shot in the ass. So I go get another color of deeper gold, letting my son talk me into getting a satin finish instead of flat. I bring it home and stir and stir and stir, and when I begin putting it on the wall, it's runny and sticky and like smearing honey on the wall. Back to the paint store.. The "paint maven" decided that the mixing base was probably bad, so I could probably get a store credit, but being the hindsight-is-always-better person that I am, I didn't take the gallon with me, because the label said that because it was mixed color, it was non-returnable. So there went another twenty-five bucks. Soooo, I pick another color, flat finish, gold, bright, perfect. This time it was almost thirty bucks, no longer on sale. I began painting with it. I got two walls done, one coat and when it dried, I swear it looked like a cheap bordello (not that I have ever been in one, but my imagination can just picture some sleezy rent-by-the-hour hotel room in Tiajuana). It was so bright and just was nauseous to look at. Okay, you are getting the picture.
That evening when Prof came home, I was so discouraged that I was fuming and really p.o.'ed at my self for all the messing around with the paint. I should have left it alone, white!
Prof suggested an altogether different color scheme. Said, think about it for a few days. I mulled it over and over. I talked to my friend Curley about the color choices I had made, all bad, and asked her what she thought of Prof's suggestion. She said "go for it." So back to the paint store. This time I bought a less expensive paint in brown. It's really the color of fine, milk chocolate. It took two coats and in some places, especially the one spot with the thin runny crap, three coats. But it looks wonderful. Three walls are that color. Then, the real treat started. Prof suggested I paint the fourth wall a deep red. Yes, red. I love red, so that sounded really neat. I go back to paint store #2 (where they sell less expensive paint) and had a gallon of "red drama" mixed. I begain putting it on the fourth wall. It wouldn't cover well. I had white underneath, so I thought I didn't need to prime it. Wrong! After two coats, it still looked blotchy and had light and dark spots. Now, what? I thought "to heck with it," cleaned up the rollers and brushes, and sat down to watch TV. During a commercial, Kilz paint(which I always thought was a primer/sealer for water spots) advertised their new line of paint which covers in less coats, and has a built-in primer. Voila! Back to the paint store, and had them mix me a gallon of "red drama," rushed home and put a coat on the red wall. Golly Moses, it works! This stuff is miraculous! I put on one coat. Went to work, came home and looked it over. I thought it would look more smooth with another coat, so I donned the paint garb, one more time and had at it. It looks fantastic. I noticed a couple of spots along the ceiling that need touching up, so in the morning, I will do that, and by afternoon, I can be done. I think I couls see a career in interior decorating in Prof's future if she just could get someone to hire her. Of course, I haven't gotten her bill yet!!:)
Bear in mind that I moved all the furniture from one side of the room to the other, made a path to my bed at night, then began again in the morning. This has been going on for almost two weeks now. Now it's done! Next week I am getting new carpet put down in there. Then, as soon a Curley has time, she is making me new curtain thingys. Things finally look nice. I don't know why I just didn't let Prof and Curley pick the colors in the first place. I love it when a plan finally comes together. Did I mention I HATE to paint???? Thank the gods for Prozac!

Face Lift

Thanks to Prof for the new look. Those of you that know me well know that this is the "real" me. Now I just have to get back into the habit of blogging on a more regular basis. My life is so boring right now, I have nothing to write about. I rise, eat, read, work, eat, read, sleep. Now, I ask you, what is so interesting about that schedule? HA!

Peace and love,
JE

Finding Joy

By not working a lot of hours this summer, for the first time in ever, I have had lots of time to reflect on my life and the twists and turns it has taken. I have had a lot on my plate the past few years, but I also have found lots of joy in living. There are lots of ways of finding joy in life.

Finding joy in family. Probably, no definitely, my family brings me the most joy. Having my children and grandchildren around me is such a source of love and joy for me. Whether we are working, or playing, or doing what we all love to do best, eating, my family fills my heart and soul with love and joy. They all care about me, as well as each other, and we all relate well to one another. Each have their own unique sense of humor, but all blend well into one. Ususally, by the time they call it a night, my facial muscles are tired from smiling and laughing.

Finding joy in friends. My friends are so important to me. I have lots of acquaintences, but not a lot of really close friends. Those close friends that my wife and I shared as a couple have naturally faded away, though I still keep in touch with them , but not as much. I have friends at both my jobs, but I don't socialize with them. My good friend, Curley, is probably my closest friend. She and her family have been a great help to me through my loss and recovery period. Curley and I shop together, and like to eat! She shares confidences and serves as a sounding board for me. She has helped me redecorate my house. She has similar tastes as mine and knows what goes together. Though, sometimes she steps back, scratches her head, and says "okaaayyy!" at some of my wild ideas. She also is an avid crafter, so we share ideas between us. I value her friendship as well as that of her family. Of course, there is my Ohio family. They are precious to me. Though not related by blood, they are most assuredly family in the true sense of the word. My singing buddies are also close friends. We are always glad to see each other and have so much fun when we get together.

Which brings me to finding joy in my music. Singing is my favorite pasttime. The three guys I sing with are much younger than me, but they still treat me like one of them. We laugh and joke with each other, until it's time to sing; then we get serious. We make such wonderful music together. It is pleasing to the ear as well as the heart and soul. Listening to music of all kinds, be it country, pop, or gospel, bring joy to my heart and soul.

Finding joy in my faith. My faith has sustained me through thick and thin. Without it, I feel my life would be an empty shell. I know I don't always practice what I have been taught, but it's there. I know God is leading me along life's path. I am just anxious to find out what lies on the way.

Finding joy at home. I mentioned earlier that I am redecorating my home. Little by little I am making changes. I am not changing things because I didn't like the way it was, I am changing it to make it more "mine" now that my wife is gone. My home has become a haven for me. I feel safe there. I want to make it a place where I am comfortable being alone, as well as a place of welcome for family and friends. I want to surround myself with things I love. And I am learning to do it on a budget. It's fun to find things in "out-of-the-way" places and blend them with things already in place. I lave several things left to do, but I'm in no hurry to get there. I consider it a work in progress.

In fact, I consider myself a work in progress. I am remaking my life into something new, step by step. keeping the things and dear ones close brings me joy. What more is there to life.

Peace and love,
JE

Deep in the heart of Texas

Hello all,
I am on vacation in the Dallas/Ft. Worth metroplex. I flew down on Tuesday last, and am staying with my brother and his lovely wife. It is absolutely beautiful here. It's hot! But, the humidity is about nil so it's manageable. Of course everything is air conditioned, so what's to worry. We have lazed about since we have been here. Done a little shopping for necessities, but otherwise, I have read, napped, and just generally relaxed. That's what vacation is all about. We are going into Ft. Worth to the zoo and a couple museums later on. Next week we are spend a few days in Austin, the capitol. That should be fun. Bro and wife are excellent hosts and make me feel so welcome. We had dinner last evening with some of their friends, then played dominos! I had to learn to play, but found it fun. They play for "blood." It was a hoot just to listen to them.
So, if I don't write too often, this is why. I am taking life easy and enjoying every minute of it.

JE

All Is Well!

After ending up in the ER lat month, a lot has happened. I saw a cardiologist from a large Cardiology group in Ft. Wayne. He wasn't too concerned after talking to me, but suggested, no ordered, some tests on the ol' ticker. Since my mom had died of a sudden heart attack, as had my mother's oldest brother, and the fact that my older brother has had to have a valve replaced in his heart, Dr. M thought it would be a good idea to be checked out.
So, on 5/12 I visited Ft. Wayne Cardiology. I had an Echocardiogram, a neuclear stress test, plus a myoview. I was nervous about all of this, but both my children as well as Curley rallied around me and went along. It was an experience. I had to have a radioactive isotope injected by IV, then sit for 45 minutes as it curculated through by blood stream. Then I had the myoview. It is a GIANT camera that I laid under and it slowly moved over my chest taking pictures of my heart, while the tech people watched on a monitor. Then I had to walk a treadmill. That was a snap. No problems. Then I had the echogram. That was interesting, too. Much like what my daughters had when they were carrying the grandchildren. I went to lunch for 3 hours and returned to the office for another myoview scan. Then came the hard part. Waiting for the results.
On Friday the 15th, after turning 64 on the 13th, I had an appointment with my GP, who had the results of all these tests. I am pround and profoundly thankful to be able to say that my heart is is good condition. No problems anywhere. Dr. GP said that the only thing wrong with my heart is that has been broken, and will just take time to heal. I guess dealing with the loss of my wife, and all that goes with it, has caused me a lot more stress that I realized. Dr. GP recommended that I take something to help with the stress and depression for a while, and that I start having more time for myself instead of immersing myself in working two jobs, and maybe try to relax a little more. So that is my goal for this summer.
On June 2, I am boarding the big silver bird and flying to Texas for an extended stay with my brother and sister in law. It will be good to get away and good to spend time with them. With Prof here to mind the house, and my grandson to mow my lawn, I can relax and have some fun. That's exactly what I intend to do.
School is almost out, and though I love my job and the students, I am looking forward to being able to just step away from it all for a couple of months. I just need some time for me. Selfish? Maybe so, but it's time.

Peace and Love,
JE

So You See, This Is What Happened...

For the last few days, I have not felt very chipper. Achy, short of breath, and not very much energy. This morning, I went to my choir's annual preEaster-cantata practice. This is the one where we hash out all the last minute details, microphone, narrator problems, missed entrances, and missed notes. The choir director is more of a "dictator" (not really, it just seems that way for a couple of hours.) at this practice, the choir is on edge and usually everyone leaves exhausted.
Well, since I haven't felt well, I should have just stayed home, but I didn't. I went and I didn't feel well when I got there. The longer the practice went, the lousier I felt. I had some chest pains and was short of breath. So, I started to leave, and my fellow tenor on my row offered to take me home. I said that I thought the emergency room was a better idea, so he took me past my house on the way, and Professor was still home. We stopped, he ran in the house and told her what was going on. She flew out the door, and she finished taking me on the the ER. My friend Tim walked the 3 blocks back to the church, bless his heart.
The ER was a scary place. I could only remember the night I had to take my late wife Tilly there via ambulance. Fortunately, they did not put me in the same room she had been in. The personnel was very low key, but kind and efficient beyond words. They worked at hooking me up to an EKG, blood pressure cuff and an EMT started a precautionary IV, "just in case" they needed it. They asked me a barrage of questions about history, and meds I was on.
Professor called Sistah, my daughter-in-law, who in turn called Lil Bro, my son. Professor also called our good friend Curley. My pastor showed up in short order, so all in all I knew I was in good hands, just scared to death about what I didn't know.
The good news was that the complete (and probably very expensive) cardiac workup showed no signs of heart attack prior or present, a chest x-ray showed that my chest was clear, and that my heart region showed no signs of enlargement or abnormalities.
The bad news was, and I can live with this, that I have a musculo-skeltal problem with my left shoulder, and left ribs and the muscles between those ribs and around the shoulder joint. It is probably caused by the fall I took debarking from the Greyhound Bus almost two years ago, and has gotten worse thru ol' athritis. So now, I am on an expensive antiflamatory drug. It is supposed to help to reduce inflamation in those problem areas.
The Doctor on call said that singing, standing, and sitting probably aggravated those areas, and that caused the pain, which in turn ,caused anxiety. Besides it was hotter that **** in our church sanctuary this morning, which probably didin't help.
Now the good part. My family!!! Not only did Professor just take over, Sistah and Miss K were there, and here came Curley. She doesn't drive, but had her oldest son bring her in. Lil Brother was at a shooting competition out of town, but came as soon as he checked his messages after it was over. They all rallied around me with love. They took care of getting my meds filled, and food for all. They stayed all afternoon with me after I got home. They didn't hover and keep saying, "are you okay", they were just there for me. Curley went to WalMart with Professor when she went to get meds filled, and even brought me back a bouquet of roses. Later this evening, my friend Tim and his wife stopped by on their evening walk to check on me. I feel so blessed. Not only am I going to be okay, but I have such a wonderful family and friends. How lucky can one guy get? This year, my Easter will be a true blessing.

It's Been a Long Winter

Golly! I just have been rereading some of my most recent blogs! I know it has been a LONG winter, and I have had a rough go of it, but really...I didn't know quite how morbid and "feel-sorry-for-myselfish" I had had been. I wonder if I have been this way to my family and friends! I must get back to living life and having a good time. To hell with winter...welcome Spring, both inside and out. I promise better things, what ever they are!

Peace and love,
JE

I found this quote........

In a book I am reading I found this paragraph which read,"Why is my sweet, loveable wife dead, when the fools and criminals and drunks, the flotsam and jetsam who fill the courtrooms and prisions, can't be killed with a sledgehammer? Why do my son and daughter not have a mother?How can this be authored--or all0wed--by a benevolent God? And if your answer is 'sometimes we can't understand His purpose,' I don't want to hear it. That's not an answer, it's an excuse."

I guess I am in a "funky" mood today, but this quote sort of describes how I feel when I think about my wife's death. Don't get me wrong, I still believe God is good, but don't tell me that Tilly's death was His will. It wasn't! It just pisses me off when people use benign platitudes thinking it will make you feel better. It doesn't. I guess I just want to know why it happened the way it did, when it did. I won't ever know, but I can want to know all the same.

Thank God that my own pastors don't rely on platitudes. They shoot straight from the hip where this kind of thing is concerned. That has helped.

Oh well, maybe I should hit delete; or not. No, I won't. I needed this chance to get this off my chest.

Peace and love,
JE

After A While

You know how sometimes things can be there so long you just don't notice them? Well I found this taped to the full-length mirror that my late wife always used. It hangs on the back of our bedroom door and has for the last several years, but I never really notice what she had taped there until now:

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand
and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean
leaning
and company doesn't mean
security
and you begin to learn
that kisses aren't promises
and you begin to
accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in midflight
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring
you flowers
and you learn
that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye
you learn...

I think she is trying to tell me something now, even after being gone for 16 months.

A B C's for Life

I know I haven't posted for a while. I really haven't had anything worth posting. Just tryin' to stay warm and survive this horrific winter! Hurry Spring! I found this today and decided to share it with you, my fellow readers:

Accept differences.
Be kind.
Count your blessings.
Dream
Express thanks
Forgive.
Give freely.
Harm no one.
Imagine more.
Jettison anger
Keep confidences
Love truly.
Master something
Nurture hope.
Open your mind.
Pack lightly.
Quell rumors.
Reciprocate
Seek wisdom.
Touch hearts.
Understand.
Value truth.
Win graciously.
Xeriscape.
Yearn for peace.
Zealously support a worthy cause.

Peace!
JE

Old Acquaintances be Forgotten? Never!

New Year's Eve this year was great. Earlier in the week, my good buddy, de Hube, and his wifey invited me to a party at their house on New Years Eve. I hemmed and hawed about going, since I would be alone, but decided, "what the hell," and went anyway. Lo and behold, there were several other couples there. This was the group of couples that my late wife and I had associated with for the last 30 years or so. They were all so welcoming and kind. I felt honored to be asked to attend.
We had wonderful food of all kinds, appetizers, main course, and of course dessert. Also, Mrs. de Hube had mixed up a gallon of Margaritas. Since I was about the only one in the group that drinks at all, I had a great time trying to get rid of that gallon. Didn't happen, but they did invite me back to help finish it sometime soon.
After eating much too much, we all adjourned to the TV to watch the ball drop in New York City. At 5 minutes to the hour of 12, hats, horns and other noisemaking equipment was passed around. Tradition has it that this stuff is kept from year to year. It made for a good laugh as we donned our crazy hats like birthday children and at the stroke of midnight, we made as much noise as a bunch of "oldsters" can make, passed good wishes and hugs around the group, turned in our hats, and started gathering up our various dishes and coats and stuff, and begain heading for our respective homes. I was home by 12:20AM. Professor and I stayed up and visited and watched a little telly until about 1:00AM. Then went to bed after having a great day!
Happy New Year everyone!
Peace,
JE

Reality Check for 2009!

My friend, "Mathwhiz," sent me this. I thought it would make a good reality check to begin the new year with. Happy New Year, everyone!

Peace,

JE

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces: The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Law of Physical Appearance: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law: If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Alll is Right With The World!

Christmas was wonderful. We had a great time. My children and grandchildren were all here. What more could I possibly want. Professor made it home all in one piece. My prayers were answered. Things weren't so glum as last year. We laughed lots, loved much, and of course, ate way too much. A good time was had by all. I got neat stuff, too!
Peace,
JE

My mantra for 2009.

I found this quote the other day and think it will be my mantra for 2009. I learned a long time ago not to make New Year's Resolutions, because I can never keep them. But I have adopted this quote. It sounds good to me!
"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."


Peace,
JE

She's Comin' Home!

As you all know, Professor is coming home. She leaves MT. in 2 days! I am excited. I have so many things I want to get done before she gets here. I don't have enough time to get it all done. I will have to prioritize. I keep thinking that I want everything special and perfect when she gets here, but is she really going to care? No, I don't think so. So I will keep on doing my thing, and just maybe everything will fall into place eventually.
It sure will be nice to have her back home!
Peace!
JE

The Things I Have (or Haven't) Done!

I thought this was cool. The things I've done are in orange. If you want to play, copy/paste these into your own blog, and leave me a comment so I'll know to head on over there to read about you. Add events if you want! I added #102!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyworld or Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung/played a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Made a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Received a bathroom scale as a birthday present
101. Branded cows
102. Been an opening act for a famous group

Can't Hardly Wait

It seems like an eternity, but in just 25 days, Professor will be home for good. I am so excited! I have her quarters all cleaned up and the sheets for her bed are in the dryer as we speak. It will be so nice to see her and have her close. I have missed her. It seems like forever since we have seen each other, though it was just in July. Last night we talked for 155 minutes and 3 seconds according to the timer on my phone. We blabbed about everything and anything, and if possible, we just "hung out" on the phone.
We have come to some agreements. Prof is willing to do some of the cooking if I clear and do the dishes. She also agrees to do the laundry if I am willing to clean and dust. Sounds fair to me.
We also agreed that we both need our space, so we will spend time in our own parts of the house and not get pissed off if we just want quiet or alone time. It worked before, most of the time, when Prof lived here before moving to Montana. So we can make it work again.
I am just thrilled that she wants to be here. We will enjoy each other's company, I know.
This has got to be my best Christmas present!
Peace!
JE

A Bit of Advertising

Hey readers! I have my latest post up on The Writers Block. Check it out! I shamelessly admit it is one of my better pieces.
JE

What Is Left To Say?

I committed a serious mistake the other night. I whined on line that I had no one to talk to and no one really wanted to listen to me when I was feeling down. Well, let me recant that. I have a wonderful family that is always there to listen to me, whether it is on a down day or an up day. I so do appreciate them. Some days I wonder how they stand being around me.
I apologize to my family for what I said. I cherish each of you and what you bring into my life.
I also want to apologize to those friends of mine who have been there for me this last year. I made it sound like you don't care, and I know you do.
I must admit that I was in a bad place when I wrote that blog. I should be more careful when I post and let my feeling go. I need to hold onto these writings for a while before I post them and reread them a few times.
From now on, I intend to take a more positive tack and think good thoughts.
JE

Another Interesting List About Moi

Do you hold grudges easily? Not really.
Do you suffer pain from a past hurt? yes
Can you handle constructive criticism? Not very well
In this world what makes you the happiest? Singing, Holding Miss Peanut, or seeing my kids.
Do you believe colors express your personality? yup
Whom do you respect the most? Those around me that seem to have it altogether all the time.
What is an interest of yours that others would find silly? Creativity
Do you believe there is a god? Certainly
Do you fall for romance movies? I find them sappy
Do you fall in love too quickly? Not any more
Do you believe in destiny (fate)? Sorta
Do you often get annoyed by cell phones? I hate them!
Do you catch yourself running from situations? More frequently than not.
What would you consider to be your best talent? Losing myself in whatever project I am doing.
Which do you value more, family or friends? Family
Do you like card games? Hate ‘em!
Ever been swimming in a lake or river? Yes
Ever been to a bonfire party? yeah
Have you ever been on a horse? Yes, used to own my own and ride every day.
What’s irritating you right now? My life
Which radio station(s) do you listen to? WJOT: D.J. there is my friend, and is sensational.
Are you afraid of the dark? Not as long as the doors are locked.
Do you get distracted easily? Depends on what I am doing.
What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? gargled.
Is this year the best year of your life? Not even close
Do you have any strange phobias? mice: they just piss me off.
Is it easier to forgive or to forget? To forgive
Do you give out second chances too easily? Yes
Have you dated people who weren’t good to you? Oh yes. I remember it well.
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? No
Where is your cell phone? On the table in my room, charging.
What time did you go to sleep last night? Around midnight.
Are you excited for the future? Not really: it looks sorta bleak from where I view it.
Your first ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say? You bitch! Do you have any idea how much I loved you, and you threw it all away! Get out of my life!
When was the last time you yelled at someone? Does raising my voice at a student count? If so, almost daily. If not, then I can’t remember the last time I yelled.
When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? Today
Have you done anything you regret in 2008 so far? Oh yeah! Several things, but most of them are private.
Is there any emotion you’re trying to avoid right now? Several.
Have you ever punched anyone? I punched a guy in the face once upon a time.
What’s your last text message say? I don’t text!
Have you ever been called Prince/Princess? NOT! Princely, maybe. Especially in my Madrigal getup.
Whom do you go to when you need someone to talk to? Right now, I really don’t have anyone to talk to. I’m alone, dammit. I have found that basically, most people don’t want to hear my problems, or my feelings, so I just keep my mouth shut and keep them inside.