Yesterday we buried both of my in laws. Yes, I said both. My mother-in-law died last Tuesday from multiple illnesses, but finally was taken by a heart attack. My father-in-law, who has been at death's door for years, died in a skilled care facility on Sunday, while the family was having "calling" at the funeral home for mother in law. This caused some hustling about on the part of the funeral home staff, but they were able to prepare my father in law and move the funeral time ahead four hours in order to have a double funeral. I am amazed at how organized this particular funeral home is. They have an adequate staff, but operate homes in three different towns in the county. They were amazing.
The pastor who did the service was able to change his message to accomodate both people, and he did a wonderful job. The fact that he had been their minister for years and knew them both very well was a blessing to both him and us as a family.
I have mixed emotions about their passing. They were two people who saw everything in either black or white. For them, there was no gray area. It seemed that my wife (their daughter) and I lived mostly in their gray area. Obviously, it caused for strained relationships some or most of the time, but I still could name many good times we had with them. I can also think of good things to say about each of them. It is time to bury the bad and get on with remembering the good, though sometimes it is hard. There was so much hurt associated with my wife's death that it has been hard for me to get past it. Now I must.
My mother-in-law was a perfectionist. I remember when my fiance and she were planning our wedding in 1969, that we teased her about having permanent indentions under her arm from carrying Amy Vanderbilt's Wedding Ettiquette book under her arm for months. But, in reality, it paid off,for we had a "storybook" wedding by those days standards. Mother M was also a wonderful cook. I can think of none who would come close to comparing, and she taught her daughter well. That's why I was 90 pounds heavier in 2007 when my wife died than I was when we married 38 years earlier. I can think of nothing that Mother M made that I didn't like. Her chicken and dumplings were wonderful, and she always make a vast array of delicate pastries at holiday time.
On the other hand, she was a control freak. She thought she was always right and never could see the other side of an argument. She always offered an opinion, whether solicited or not, hidden in the guise of "saying how she felt." This was the most maddening thing and probably caused the most hard feelings of any other thing in our marriage.
Father M. was a quiet guy. He was an extremely talented woodworker, and carpenter. There wasn't anything he couldn't make out of wood. He made a cradle for our babies that was nicer than anything you could ever buy. He made tables and chairs, and cabinets for their kitchen. Their home was sight to behold with all the hand made woodwork and trims. He went about his life quietly. My wife said that he never got a chance to speak, and she was probably correct. She used to enjoy calling him when she knew her mom would be gone. They would talk for hours. He was also a great gardener. His yard, in his years of good health was a sight to behold. Even when he didn't feel well, he loved to putter in his yard. He was also one of the most stubborn men I have known. Once he set his mind to something, nothing could change it. This too caused some problems for us, especially when it came to dealing with our children.
These were two people who never learned what unconditional love meant. There were always strings with every gift, and even with their love. They could never accept us for who we were, and that maybe we didn't fit into their "ideal mold." We suffered for that. My children suffered for that.
So, this all being said, I must admit that burying them left me with some bittersweet memories. Yes, they were a part of my life for almost 40 years, and there are some feelings there. Even though our relationship has been strained since my wife's death, they were a tie to that part of my life. That tie is now severed. Today, I'm not sure just how I feel about that. Sad? Relief? Resentful? Maybe a little of each.
Peace,
JE
Blood Trail by C J Box: This riveting novel by C J Box is as exciting as the first one of his I read. Prominent people are being picked off one by one while hunting. Joe Pickett, now on special assignment for the Governor of Wyoming is put to the task of finding out who is committing these gristly murders. As usual, Pickett seems to bear the brunt of other law enforcement types. 
Compulsion by Jonathan Kellerman: A fast paced mystery featuring Dr. Delaware, a psychologist who teams up with Detective Milo Sturgis to solve a recent missing person/murder case. It leads them from the hoity-toity side of L A, to the steamier side of the city. Hold on to the arm of your chair as you read and ride in the "tricked out" Caddy along with Delaware and Sturgis. It's quite a ride from page 1 to the finale.
Sworn to Silence by Linda Castillo: Another new author! This novel takes place in Amish country in Ohio. Kate Burkholder, the Chief of Police in the sleepy town of Painters Mill, Ohio is faced with finding a serial killer. She and her small police force are pressured to solve these grisly murders by the gossipy town council. Enter Investigator John Thomasetti from BCI in Columbus. Things get tense! 
Out of Range by C.J. Box: This is another new author for me. Since I like all things nature and have a love of the west, I really like this setting. Joe Pickett is a game warden in Wyoming. His friend and co-worker Will has recently taken his own life. Joe is sent into Will's district as a temporary replacement and decides to investigate Will's death. Murder and revenge seem to the order of the day. Joe is put to the test in some of the most rugged wilderness left in the Lower 48. I am anxious to read another by author Box. This is my style of read.
The Color of Law by Mark Gimenez: This is a first novel by Gimenez dated 2005. I know now that he has written more. This author is fantastic.
The 9th Judgment by James Patterson and Maxine Paetro: Another fine story by two great story tellers. I have read all of the Women's Murder Club mysteries. These are four of the ballsiest females you would ever read about. They stick together, feed off of each other and finally win out in the end. Lindsay Boxer, a cop is undaunted in her search for the murderer of a high profile San Fransisco beauty, who happens to be the wife if a famous screen actor. Another classic, fast paced whodunit by one of fiction's leading writing teams.
Wormwood by Susan Wittig Albert: Like I said before, Ms Albert had fallen off my reading radar, so I decided to go back and catch up. Though I enjoyed this novel, it wasn't one of my favorites. It was an interesting history of People of the Shaker Faith, and Ms Albert made it interesting as she wove that history into her story about a Shaker settlement where a murder took place. I guess what I didn't like about the novel was the switching back and forth from a century ago until now. I found it rather confusing. But, again, if you like mysteries, and are a Albert fan, I suggest you read this one, too.
The Eleventh Victim by Nancy Grace: I have never cared for Nancy Grace on TV, but she does herself proud in her first novel. 
This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper: A tongue in cheek story about a Jewish family gathered to sit Shiva for their recently deceased husband and father. At times this is hilarious, sometimes serious, but mostly it just made my smile muscles hurt by the time I finished it. Four siblings, their mom, their significant others and offspring all clustered in the same house for seven days. Tempers flare, tears are shed, and in the end, none of them regret the time spent together. This was a fun read. Not my usual mystery, thriller, but fun all the same.
Holly Blues by Susan Wittig Albert: I love the China Bayles character in this series of books by Albert. She is smart, fresh, crafty and has a good sense of business about her. She married, has a stepson and an adopted daughter, along with a bassett hound named Howard Cossell. China and her partner in business/crime, the tall, beautiful, Ruby Wilcox go on yet another crime-solving trek. A trek filled with humor, fear, and some helpful tips about herbs. Packed in the back of her book, China (Albert) lists the recipes that are mentioned throughout the book. 
Death Will Help You Leave Him by Elizabeth Zelvin: What can I say about this book? It's slow paced, some humor, some seriousness. I had a hard time getting through it but I stuck it out just to see the ending. Luz's lover Freddie is murdered. Freddie was pond scum and two timed his wife with both Luz and Carola. He deserved to be murdered. 
Caught by Harlan Coben: I was caught on the first page and was held transfixed for the rest of the way through this outstanding novel. Tragedy strikes when a teenage girl goes missing. There's twists at every turn, and as a reader it's hard to lay this one down.
Hell's Gate by Stephen Frey: This is an excellent read about the fearless people who fight forest fires. Arson, graft, greed and guts all play an important part in this fast paced novel. Stephen Frey just keeps getting better and better.
The Water's Edge by Daniel Judson: Murder, mayhem, mafia and tedium. I think any other writer could have written this work in far fewer pages that 374. If you like needless bloodshed, so-so sex and boring detail, this is the book for you. Not me.
Nights in Rodanthe by Nicholas Sparks: Good read. Tragic, as usual for Sparks. I wonder if this man has a happy thought ever. But it held my interest and was worth the reading.
Blue Wolf in Green Fire by Joseph Heywood: I learned more about wolves than I ever knew before in this fast paced, exciting novel. Officer Service again was the conquering hero in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Thoroughly entertaining.
Ice Hunter by Joseph Heywood. Great read about law enforcement in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Main character is a Conservation Officer. A good story line and interesting writing about the area. I would like to read more of Heywood's novels if they are about the same characters and area.
The First Rule by Robert Crais: Man! You gotta read this one! This was exciting and Joe Pike and Elvis Cole were at their very best. Russian and Serbian mafia at their finest are infighting with each other. The ATF gets involved for a rollicking, high speed read. Run, don't walk, to your nearest book place.
Forced Out by Stephen Frey: A break from big business. This was a real page turner. Exciting, well written and a welcome change for Frey. I would recommend this one!
The Protege by Stephen Frey: This book was sensational. Another Big business novel. With many of the same characters as The Chairman. But with a good twist. I got really ticked off at Frey for killing off one of my favorite characters, but found out in the end why it was important for him to die. The rest is for me to know and you to find out. I've already checked out four more Frey books from my local "readery!"
Kisser by Stuart Woods: Stuart, ol'man, you wrote this one in a hurry. It was "fluff" and was really a fast, predictable read. Even Stone Barrington wasn't believable in this one. No guy his age has that much stamina. Characters were thin and unbelievable. Definitely NOT Woods best work. Don't buy it new. Just wait and get it at your local garage or rummage sale in the spring. I'm sure it will appear at one.
The Last Patriot by Brad Thor. Whew! What a ride. Just when I thought Brad couldn't possibly come up with another political thriller, he did! And what a thriller it is. I learned a lot about Islam that I didn't know before, and also a lot about Thomas Jefferson. What a guy! We can be glad our nation had him on our side at the get-go. Funny coincidence, though. We have just been studying the Barbary Pirates with my eighth graders, and this novel really went into depth about them and how Thomas Jefferson dealt with them during his presidency.
